Today, when some of the people apologized, I found myself saying: I don't need you to be where you are not. I don't need you to be different than you are 1
I don't think I have even thought that, let alone say that.
But it makes sense, now that I am examining that sentence.
I am impatient. Impatient is a version of intolerance, and it means that you are reacting, just like in frustration, for reality not being the way you want it.
This is true with people... but that doesn't mean I want you to be different, or be where you are not.
I'd like you to be where I want you to be. I'd like you to be in a way that MY LIFE is easier... of course I would!
But I don't NEED you to be different than you are.
This is maybe to subtle for some of you. But if you can grok it, if you can experiment using need to/want to in different sentences, you may be able to get that you have been thinking that they need you to be this or that... and you not being that way you are somehow hurting people.
But the truth is that because every person is selfish, as it should be, people want you to be in a way that is convenient for them, whether it's good for you or not. Whether it's a fit for you or not.
But just like us, wanting doesn't oblige another... it is just a "I wanna, I wanna... baaaah!" an infant crying for the bottle.
You cry, they cry, so what.
When you are going through something (and an attempt to grow yourself will do that for you!) then what I need you to be is going through something.
I may remove you from my webinar, because your stuff blocks the energy for everyone. But I still want you, need you to be where you are, because you are where you are for a reason.
You, I, pretty much don't have control over that.
The other day I was testy. I had no control over it. I could only do damage control...
Turns out, that, in my case, it was an attachment...
But trust me, doing the work of growth is a lot like Dark Side attacks... no kidding. It is a process. So unless it is an attachment, it is your lower nature, and you need to go through the Valley of the Shadow of Death.
Why the Shadow of Death? Because even though it feels like death, it is just the death of an aspect of the ego... and the ego itself is a shadow.
One major step towards growing is being a puppet on a string... being influenced too much by what others want. Or what you want.
You need to pull back your power from that. And be willing to be where you are, be willing to go through what you need to go through, even if it feels like "wrong" or "death" or a threat to your relationships.
This doesn't mean to let it all rip. No, you don't have my permission to behave like an asshole. To carry on. To threaten, or be nasty. No, that you have control over.
Your beingness... you don't. You feel out of sort... you feel confused... you feel troubled... you feel sad... you feel afraid... you feel lonely... you feel desirous...
Those are not behaviors, those are feelings. NOT emotions. Feelings. Valid. The behavior is a whole other thing... that is a reaction you have 100% control over.
So please... don't try to control your feelings.
- I found this remarkable article online:
But what you call a difference of opinion is more like this: Here comes the ice cream truck. You say to Lisa “You shouldn’t eat chocolate. Strawberry is better. I eat strawberry, so you should like it too.”
“But I like chocolate,” she replies. “I’m getting chocolate. I have enough money.”
“You are getting STRAWBERRY! It’s the rule,” you say.
“You’re not the boss of me! I’m getting chocolate with my money,” says Lisa.
“You’re an anti-rule extremist, and a criminal,” you tell Lisa. “So I’m gonna tie you to that tree.” When she resists, you escalate the level of force and kick her ass black and blue until she stops resisting. You tie her to the tree, and take her ice cream money. The truck comes and you buy two STRAWBERRY ice cream treats. The truck leaves, and you let Lisa loose, tossing her the strawberry.
“You didn’t buy that ice cream on your own,” you say, “so you owe me a favor now, Lisa. That’s the deal.”
“I didn’t make any deals!! You’re not the boss of me!!” screams Lisa.
“You better calm down and stop disturbing my peace, or else.” You say.
Can you see how kicking someone’s ass, or using government for caging or killing someone who refuses to let you force your own opinions onto them is not just “a difference of opinion?”
That line of consent, which separates sex from rape, gift from robbery, and volunteer work from slavery is a line you have within you just like everyone else. You find it bad when your self ownership is violated, just like everyone else.