Is it worth it? Is it worth the bother, the effort, the work?

I had an insight yesterday.

One of the reasons people don't like to try new things is because they cannot judge whether they can do it or not. Whether it will be easy or not. Whether it will be pleasant and enjoyable or not.

How come? Life is complex, and most of us have no tolerance for complexity. Complexity, ambivalence, ambiguity are normal, but the capacity to hold them click in only at a certain brain development age... If you got stuck in young child brain development, that is most people, you have never developed the capacity.

You can do almost anything... but it's as hard as you imagine... because most things are hard. Especially things worth doing. And to do them you need to have a lot of room for mistakes, failures, and feeling stupid or confused.

Confused is a high state. The lowest state is certainty.

Confused means that you allow complexity. Confused means: to question your assumptions, question your world view. You get confused because the information in front of you conflicts with what you know. But what you know got you where you are.

Complexity and confusion are unpleasant, and if you have a TLB 1 score, if you are a Marshmallow Eater, you shy away from it. You want everything to be the way it has always been, except you want your results to be better. Hah... dream on.

We consider ourselves, or our Selves to be the sum total of things we hold true for ourselves, we protect that "I" for dear life... even if it is clear that what we believe is likely wrong. So giving up a false assumption, a wrong belief, feels like giving up who you are.

The lighter grip you can have on your "I", the more you can release your brain power, the more you can grow, the more you can become. A tight grip on your "I" keeps you stuck.

Your "I" is a construct, it is not who you are. 1

Putting yourself in situations where your "I" can be re-valued, even de-valued, is a courageous thing, it is what allows for growth.

I have had three months of that. I have been learning and practicing typing Hungarian and Hebrew.

The alphabet is drastically different, and the letters are at different location on the keyboard.

This has been a total retraining of my "I", and an excellent method to create new and more flexible connections in the brain.

I have revisited the story of the British Novelist who died of Alzheimer's. She wrote lots of novels. But she did it the exact same way...

Using the keyboard of different languages with different letters, different alphabet exercises the brain and makes it less likely to descend into dementia of any sort.

Learning languages that use the same keyboard challenges your brain differently, and probably doesn't prevent dementia.

Almost all my students have opted for Spanish... Same keyboard... no brain challenge.

Yesterday I looked at taking French with its funky accented characters... Alternatively I am looking at taking on drumming. Scares the bejesus out of me. Because of it's left-right similarity to typing on a different keyboard.

If you look closely at what I am doing, you can see that my whole methodology is to confuse the brain so it can build new connections. So it can true itself, like the Daruma doll, or the Russian standup doll.

For decades in my life I was, I felt attacked by everything. Everything threatened me with drama, falling down, depression, etc.

This was before I was diagnosed an empath.

your self is what keeps you straightI took on the spiritual practice to be like the Russian standup doll... the words I used is "I bounce back". Many times a day. Opportunities abound to be knocked over.

It was probably the most operative way for me to build a network of new connections in my brain. When later I had my massive brain damage, my brain could discover the holes, the dead parts in my brain, and consequently rebuild itself through this rich network of connections. The brain assigned important functions to other parts of the brain. It could do it because it had a rich and dense network of connections. I am proud to say: I built it.

It wasn't fast. But by now I can even add numbers and not make mistakes. That function was the last one to come back.

But sitting on my laurels, doing the same things day in and day out, even if they are high intellect actions, would create major thoroughfares and the unused, unexercised connections would die off. The brain carefully moves towards economy. Brain function is expensive to maintain.

So I challenge my brain, daily, even hourly, even though it is time-consuming, takes work, takes planning, takes forethought, and takes discipline.

I have nine wall clocks, and half of them I keep on winter-time... I need to cause the brain to wake up every time I look at them, and try to resolve the cognitive dissonance: they don't show the correct time.

I know what happens in the brain by projecting what happened to my hip.

For decades I sat nearly all the time. I set by my computer. I sat in the car. I sat around... And I read in the bed always lying on my same side.

The right hip stopped serving me. Walking became painful. Even getting into a car was a challenge, because the muscles refused to lift my right leg. Lying flat on my back, with straight right leg became torture.

I hated myself, hated my life, hated the chiropractors whose adjustment didn't do me any good.

One day I said: pain is good. Pain is welcome. I will go for the pain. I will use it as an indicator where I need to do work. This was in October of last year.

I can report today that walking is a lot easier, that lying on my back is now painless, and lifting my right leg to get in and out of a car is no big deal. 2

All this comes from realizing that it is not what I know for sure that is me... what I am up to is really me.

If I have to live, because I do, I want to live with ease. Even if living takes difficulty, discomfort, confusion, challenge... daily.

I have been even welcoming to feelings: the feelings of people that don't feel good... And use that as a challenge to tell myself apart from everyone and everything else, even apart from my own feelings.

All my life I wanted easy and smooth... and I realize that it's the worst thing to want. Because it means, the easy and smooth, that I don't have to learn and grow and expand.

Which means being dead before actually dying.

No, thank you, I am not interested.

PS: once you are good at something, it doesn't do you any good to keep doing it. It may be what you are paid for, but it is also killing you. Now that I can type in Hebrew, and in Hungarian, I am looking for a new something that creates an imbalance in my brain again... typing in those languages is now easy and almost smooth... useless.

Because I am dyslexic, and my dyslexia is a spatial issue, at least for me, left-right, up-down, north-south, the best exercises for me are physical exercises... Typing is a physical exercise. Learning folk dances... doing anything with others... drumming... even playing the piano.

I am thinking of learning to ride the bicycle. I am breaking out in cold sweat. It's a good sign. I think I am going to do it.

PPS: Try before you buy

I bet you'd like to try out of you would enjoy working with you, if you would enjoy doing the steps in the 67 steps coaching, or other of my products.

This is a program that asks you to grow. To be uncomfortable, and grow. You may not know yourself... so I let you try before you buy... You may get surprised, and find out that you love growing... under my tutelage.

I am working on the logistics to make it happen on most of my products.

This try before your buy, is to the coaching program.

You will have to work with me, as if you were a fully paid participant, for a month. You would normally pay $60. You can cancel any time, and I may cancel any time.

If I can't see that I enjoy working with you, I cancel our agreement and refund your trial payment, which is a dollar.

payment button... I am not sure about this...

On the other hand, if we both enjoy working together, you'll be automatically enrolled in the "real" program.


  1. In fact in the exercise I asked everyone to do, till they die, in perpetuity, is to listen to the inner voices and separate the "IT" voice from the "I" voice. The IT voice is only about IT... not about life, not about beauty, goodness, or even usefulness. It is always petty, argumentative, whiny, or angry. Self-pity. Accusative. Doubtful. Belligerent. The you, the real you... is looking up, and striving to grow. That is your real nature.
  2. I started with an exercise class and climbing up the steps that lead to my house. Then I added climbing the stairs every day. And then I added muscle activation exercises 3-4 times a week. It's working.

Author: Sophie Benshitta Maven

award winning architect, magazine publisher, transformational and spiritual coach and teacher, self declared Avatar

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