I didn’t plan to write about this… I didn’t plan because like so many things that have disappeared… what isn’t there is… well, what isn’t there isn’t there.
But from time to time a client, a student reminds me…
And that’s exactly what happened: a client, an all around great guy wrote:
I looked to at what i might be hanging onto without noticing..
could grief or despair have some part of it? I used to find myself listening to music about sadness and hard times and used to think about sadness a lot. I used to almost create it in relationships with anyone, family/ friends/ myself.
I connected to him, deeply, and there it was: a whole lake of sadness that he was circling…trying to avoid being sucked into. It felt like the pit of despair, it felt like a black hole.
I call that the lake the doom, and the rope that ties you to it: anchor to doom.
Nearly every person has it. I say nearly because I don’t know all almost eight billion people. Some profound loss, some profound threat that you circle like a vortex, and your whole life is tied to it… you are not free.
It can be pulled, just like an energetic attachment, and then you are able to look around and stop circling… unless you consciously choose to.
I instantly recognized it. My doom was just like his… and as I was circling it, it was an almost sexual experience, the desire going back to the womb… of going back to where I wasn’t alone. Or consuming another… like a womb… Alternating.
I used to say: I want to go home… no matter where I was
I first connected to Source back in 1984, in the Old City of Jerusalem, sitting on a stone bench by the Wailing Wall. It was surreal and shook me to my core… And then I connected, again, that time consciously, back in 2007. I haven’t quite disconnected since.
The experience of connecting is still the experience of going home, then being at home. I am weeping as I am writing this. The idea of ‘Home’ has that effect on me.
I used to have sexual desire express itself in a fantasy of wanting to gobble up the other, shove them back to the womb… I know it’s weird… but honest…
I have been pondering for years what it is that some people, some countries’ people copulate and breed like rabbits. I think the issue lies in their inability to see that the desire may be spiritual, and not physical… That a spiritual desire cannot be fulfilled with a physical fulfillment.
That shoving things in your mouth or in your privates won’t give you what you really want: spiritual ‘going home’ and ‘being at home’ experience, and safety.
The world would be much less overpopulated if those countries started to connect to the spiritual dimension, not just pretend to do so.
Interestingly the supposedly most spiritual nation is the least spiritual… apart from the lip service to spirituality.
I still want to talk to people, from time to time, people I can share myself with. There are not many like that. Teaching is a somewhat substitute… the students aren’t really interested in me or what I have to say. They are interested in going home. Nothing wrong… even though the experience, outside of connection, is isolation and aloneness.
Is everyone like me? Desire, crave to connect? Muscle test says: yes.
My hunch is that the soul wants to be in touch with home. ET call home… lol.
According to Kabbalah, the soul goes home while you sleep. But my personal experience is that this is not true. The truth, I think, is that the soul wants to go home while you sleep.
But to do that, the soul needs you to create the connection or more precisely ANSWER the call. The soul then can follow that ‘line’. Without the soul cannot make it out of your energy field…
And what does the frustrated soul do? It tries to make YOU do something to connect. Nudge, nudge. Hammer hammer. Whimper whimper. Will not let you have peace.
This is as much responsible for wanting to commune with another human, as lust is… maybe more. Sex isn’t quite doing it… because we can’t even connect to the other person… to the PERSON, we are so busy experiencing what we are experiencing, feeling what we are feeling, wanting what we want… spiritually.
Anyway, maybe because I’ve never felt loved by a human, I’ve never felt accepted by a human, I have always had this desire closer to the surface. Or, maybe, because I am an empath, maybe, maybe, maybe…
The why doesn’t matter much, the only thing that matters is that you can connect to Source, but there is ego stuff, mind stuff in the way. And even if you don’t manage, if you can’t… you still want to connect to Source.
So what does it do? why invest energy and time to do it?
OK, here is my humble opinion again… because i actually don’t know. But my hunch is that it removes a layer or yearning, a layer of “unfulfillment” that keeps you hostage, that keeps you going back to “people” for unconditional love, for companionship, even though every time the only thing you get is a big fat nothing, a big fat disappointment, a big fat hurt.
Humans cannot give you and your soul that “home” feeling.
My experience with people is that they want you to do things… and that immediately takes you out: out of home.
They nag you. They want you to change. Do things…
I used to teach people to connect, but it was a thankless job, and it was very very time consuming for me. The videos of those sessions are still online can teach you. The stumbling block is: you cannot connect from the mind and ego. If you do: you’ll connect to some imaginary space, manmade… not home for the soul. Not satisfying, not home.
I don’t know a lot of gurus: I don’t want to. But I have been observing this two, straight from India, connecting to a manmade space… and being run, fueled by greed.
Greed is a sign that you are not spiritually fulfilled. Greed is like lust, like gluttony, like hate… Toxic for the soul.
Another hunch, totally untested is this: once you can tell, through the Amish Horse Training Method, who you are not… what you are not… connecting will be a breeze, all the stuff that the mind says, all the stuff that IT says, it will be a nobrainer to connect, easy as pie.
The lake of doom that you are circling, that you are anchored to, is all part of that ‘who you are not’.
It is the consequence of stuff you made up about yourself when you were a little kid. And then live as if you had said the truth…
99% of this work, becoming a human being entails is distinguishing all the ways you made us sh!t and now you honor as the truth.
Feels like a bottomless pit, but it isn’t.
The lake of sadness is the bottom of the pit. Once i pull the anchor, the lie, you’ll be able to set sail anywhere.
You’ll be able to connect and go home. Fully aware, fully at home… none of the mind, none of the “gone fishing” symptoms many people associate with connecting.
Then you’ll be able to sleep with the pilot light of the consciousness always on… no effort. Like me. and will stop having the constant sense that something is missing… stop overeating, stop being addicted to “fun” and “sex” and entertainment.
Then, left to your own devices, will become a human being. It’s in your DNA.
Back when I first found that below all the invisible layers, below all the almost visible self-harming dynamics there is a lot of activity, and at the bottom is this lake, this anchor, that unless it is pulled and you are set free to sail, you are still stuck.
The attachment, the anchor is energetic. That means somewhat physical: energy IS after all physical.
I asked Source, and the rule of free will applies here: I am not allowed to pull the anchor unless I am paid: energy exchange. Asking is not enough. Weird.
When back in 2000 the founder of a shakti system told me this, I thought it was him protecting his proprietary energies… but turns out Source says the same thing.
Payment expresses commitment. Commitment to a new life. And a new life you cannot even imagine, just like I could not imagine mine when I pulled up anchor and left the country where I was born, where I was known, and where I had a future.
I remember the spiritual agony I had to go through to leave everything behind… for what? I had no concept that there can be life for me in another country… And, it turns out, there wasn’t.
So I picked up again, and came to the United States. No life for me here either… but here I did find home… found home in Source. And that made it all bearable, and allowed me to enjoy what is enjoyable here, and have room for what isn’t.
I found one process that does something somewhat similar to what the anchor pulling does… Except it takes hours, and an incredible amount of capacities to see the invisible. That method is the Theta Healing method of gathering the shards of the broken soul… I did that for myself ten years ago. It took seven hours.
Each chard was a spiritual, energy attachment that anchored my whole being to some tragedy, some mistreatment of me, some suffering.
But the biggest ‘chunk’, the biggest chard of the soul was at the bottom of that lake of sadness… and it kept the soul at short leash… no flying.
I pulled it. And I can pull yours.
It is useful for me to know ahead of time what it is, but it is not necessary.
In the midst of pulling it, I’ll see it clearly, just like I could see the ‘story’ of the pattern I used to pull with the pattern pulling technique earlier.
But it is worth for you to see…
Why? Because what keeps the anchor anchored forever deeper is the behavior that you habitually do: try to avoid the doom… and at the same time perpetuate the threat of the doom.
Yesterday I had a session with six people, and it became clearer than it has ever been: they need to see the behavior and they need to see that they invented the lake. They did it. Not some other people.
OK, enough for today.
If you are interested in deep diving into the world of invisible, the Freedom Course is a place where you can. It’s beginner friendly. It can take you all the way.
And it’s on Sundays, just a few hours from now.
It is the shortest distance between being a hostage to the invisible and not so friendly dynamics that run your life, to living a life of spiritual freedom, without every having to change the circumstances.
Changing the outside takes longer than changing the inside.
And changing the inside with my methods is a whole lot more effective, and a whole lot faster than any other method known to man, due to my relationship to Source, due to my partnership with Source.
This is last bell to get into the Freedom Course. I won’t have Sunday available to start a new one for quite a while.
Start your spiritual journey