Changing your emotional state… leading to emotional intelligence

Please email me if you find a typo or something unclear. Thank you. Sophie

Causing yourself or another to change their emotional state

I say all emotions are caused by some words, written, spoken, or thought… the little voice…

But changing the words requires a higher level of self awareness, and therefore this article will talk about an easier method, many speakers, course leaders, coaches use in their practices, as a shortcut to changing your emotional state.

What is a meme?

A meme, according to the dictionary, is an element of a culture or system of behavior that may be considered to be passed from one individual to another by nongenetic means, especially imitation.

Not very helpful, is it? So what can I say that could be helpful?

Well, you learn language from others, complaining, griping, ranting, whining, sulking, etc. from other people… and therefore they are all memes. You learn to say ‘I am stupid’, or ‘I am depressed’ or ‘this is horrible, unacceptable, normal, stupid, gross, rude, unfair… whatever’ from others, and therefore these are also memes.

The myth of ‘IS’

This last one is one of the invisible tools the memes use. These memes keep you trapped and unable to take control of your life, the memes that spew ‘is’ on you. It is, you are, I am, we are, they are.

These ‘is’ memes freeze you into a life where you have no power. It is in the wording. The freezing power comes from the wording.

We have spoken about the having to, needing to, wanting to, and should… these are a group of tools the memes use to rob us of your own power, and render you a puppet.

The tool that render you powerless to change is the improper use of ‘is’.

  • Whenever you feel you need to change, this meme tool is at work.
  • Whenever you point a blaming finger at yourself, at the world, or at others, this meme tool is at work.
  • It is under learned helplessness. It is under resignation, cynicism, and unless you learn to recognize it, you’ll fight it… like Don Quixote was fighting the windmills. No chance to win.

So what about this ‘is’ that is so harmful?

The problem with it is that it is a lie. Or at least a myth.

Nothing is ‘is’ longer than a few minutes…

The sky changes all the time, the weather, the plants, your mood… the market, the political situation… all change all the time.

And yet we use the word ‘IS’ at all of them, incorrectly.

We don’t even have a word to say that something is momentarily one way, or in a phase, or going through a phase… that would really indicate that everything is changing, everything is always changing.

Including you.

You could try using ‘I am being stupid’, ‘the weather is being terrible’, ‘my computer is misbehaving’… this last one is my favorite, because of its playfulness.

The meme’s ‘is’ indicate, in the unsaid, that it is always so, it will always be so… forever. So when you say ‘I am stupid’ you mean that you will be always stupid… and in my experience that gives you a carte blanche to not ever amount to anything… Substitute your favorite ‘I am’ meme, and see if you can see that it is used to ditch responsibility, to ditch having to be all you can be… Every single one of you has one, uses one, and justify why you are never happy, never accomplish much, etc.

Watch an actor on stage and track his mood-changes, attitude changes, and wonder how he can do that.

I occasionally experiment with that… and my experience is that when you choose to freeze a mood, you freeze life… big chunks of it fall out of existence, you don’t even remember.

YOU were dead, absent from life, while the mood was frozen by you.

You are only alive when there is flow, when mood changes, attitude changes are allowed.

I learned this in business classes. Actually I learned most of the useful-for-life things in business classes. Joel Wallach learned everything he needed to know for people in veterinary practice.

  • Business needs you to have more tools than ‘normal’ people have, so they teach you.
  • Helping people to be well, to get well, do well needs someone to have more tools than medical doctors… grr.

The principle I learned that belongs here is this:

People are always in a state. In a state of being. A state of being is an attitude. A mood. And because that is not who they are, i.e. it is not physical reality, they can be shifted out of it, into another state.

There are moves to shift someone to a different state of being that is more conducive to doing business, that is more agreeable.

The class I learned to do this in was a class training people to be trainers.

The knowledge of this has been a lifesaver.

It’s not even that difficult.

It is useful outside of business as well, with your coworkers, with your mother, with your wife, with your children.

You create the unworkable situations in life by their your own state of being.

My website has been misbehaving for about six weeks now. I have done all I have known to do, spent days on technical support, spent a whole month’s income on upgrading, and yet things are not working… yet.

The latest thing to not work is email… emailing people their passwords, emailing people to notify them that I have a new post published.

This is the perfect article for me to write now, because I am not paying attention to my posture… I hold myself defeated… and tense. My shoulders are almost touching my ears… my head is stiffly sitting on my neck, and I am slouching.

Time to shift out of this state and into a more empowered, more optimistic state… no sluching, loosen up the shoulders and the neck… aaaah, much better.

Teaching YOU to shift out of the state of being you are in would make the most difference for your life.

You have a tendency to be in one state of being or another… your starting point measurements and your soul correction well predict your tendency.

But that is not who you are! You are not that… that angry person, that resigned person, that slighted person, that hapless person.

I also have tendencies, but I catch them. I have ‘unsubscribed‘ from the memes ‘you are stupid’ or ‘you are brilliant, obnoxious, undisciplined, amoral, etc. etc.’ that I could have remained hooked on, and live a life of suffering. I now have a life of 90% grace and ease and power.

Power over myself, and power over most situations.

I am not a state change wizard… But I aspire to be one.

There are a few people I haven’t been able to shift out of their stuck state… They used to be students. Unless I can shift them out of their angry, self-centered, blaming me state, I cannot teach them effectively, so I had to let them go.

You could say: it takes two to tango, but I prefer to say: I probably wasn’t very effective at shifting MYSELF out of a state… More power in saying that than in blaming them.

There is no TRUTH…

..even what seems to be truth looks different from different vantage points. And ‘truth’ that gives you power is preferable over ‘truth’ that makes you right, makes you look good, but leaves you a victim suffering.

I was never taught how to do this shifting out of a state of being: I learned it through observing… and through being an empath.

I observed, mostly, Werner Erhard doing it, live or on videos. I observed, felt it, and learned it.

I could feel when my ‘ground of being’ ‘the floor I was standing on’ shifted. There may be layers upon layers of emotional states, attitude, memes and all those layers can move with the top layer, the state of being, that can be shifted.

I have also experienced it on myself… oftentimes, when I interacted with a person, like a Forum Leader or a Seminar Leader.

I am more self-aware than most, and I have more distinctions than most…

In my ‘script’ for my Playground participant to use for the partner calls where the course gets done, I use several state changes… I exclusively use the technique of looking at incidents through different vantage points, through different filters. Each shifts the state slightly. Some students move easily, others are more invested in their misery, in their singular point of view, that something was done to them.

I have never taught how to cause your own state change before. I have never seen this being taught, outside of trainer training.

I have attempted to train a private coaching client on this. I’ll share here some things I have taught him, to get you started.

My experience has been, that you can shift people’s state of being on many levels.

State of being is like a layer-cake. Or like a pack of cards. Layered.

Depending on what level you shift them (or yourself) the result can be dramatic or not, lasting or not.

  • You can tell a joke, and an angry person may crack a smile… but return to frowning soon after.
  • You can give a candy to a young child and he’ll forgot why he was crying
  • You can tell yourself you should be grateful, and look up, and feel grateful for a moment or two, but then go back to bemoaning your miserable life soon after.

The bottom layer is where you want to shift.

To do anything well, you need to know where it is at. ‘A is A’ requires you to be able diagnose what is A.

I had that experience yesterday with my exercise classmate… We talk after the class, and it’s been always a shoving match of sorts. Very challenging. Butterknife and rock… Instead of cutting knife and butter…

Yesterday the conversation was about frames… what frame you look at things with, and the skill to shift frames.

She didn’t buy any of the things I said, and I called her out on it: that she was rigid. She looked at me surprised, and said that she saw ME rigid.

The clarity was unmistakable: her bottom layer was a state of being, an attitude of rigid right/wrong attitude. Maybe useful for a CPA, (she is a CPA) but very not useful for having a conversation with me… lol.

I haven’t been, and probably won’t be able to shift her out of being rigid.

Some cultures, I say, have their own specific layer of being in life that is a defining feature of that culture. Her ancestral culture has rigid right/wrong as their bottom, defining layer of self-identification as part of an ethnic group.

Maybe I can become a wizard, maybe not, but knowing what you can do or cannot do is the difference between beating your head into the brick wall or walking through the door…

OK, if this didn’t make sense, I am planning on incorporating it both in the Emotional Intelligence and the Inner Authority courses… but first I’ll write some articles, to clarify my own thinking.

With a marketing student, I have started bringing up this this topic, state change.

In my marketing, people who come to my stuff are in a state of mind that is not conducive to them to buy. They don’t want to be sold. They want to do what they want to do, and then leave.

It is my JOB, the marketer, to shift them into a more receptive state.

But before you can shift them, you have to, first, shift YOURSELF into a state where you are more interested in them than in yourself, in what they want and not what YOU want.

The first step, identifying in what state you are in… and for most people it is hard or impossible.

You are short on self-awareness, but more importantly, you don’t have the vocabulary. The accurate vocabulary of your state, emotional state.

States of being are created by words, with words. States of being are very similar to emotional states, but not the same…

For example: generosity is a state of being, aka beingness… but you don’t have to feel generous to BE generous.

For homo sapiens, creating a beingness at will is too early: it is only really available on the evolutionary stage of human being.

And yet: you can shirt your beingness to a more favorable state, that is both more pleasant, and more advantageous for you in life.

For example: what you care about, what you are interested is largely a state of being… if you only care about yourself, you’ll have a hard time making friends, business, and live a good life. Feeling that you care… interestingly, doesn’t make you to care. It is often a coverup… But that is a whole different story.

If you don’t have the words, of if you have too few words, you’ll not have the word-state-shifting method available to you.

You won’t be able to use it to shift out of a being, out of a state. But you always have the physical shift… so don’t worry.

Certain popular teachers list as many as twenty states you could be in.

There are thousands…

My 67 steps coaching increases your vocabulary, actually quadruples it. Is it the audios that do it? Some of it, yes. But most of it is in the coaching, in the reading of books.

My current vocabulary is 8000. The average vocabulary on the planet is under 300. Vocabulary I measure is all about feelings, emotions, states of being… not ordinary words.

For a person for whom ‘everything is the same as everything else, except that not always’ quadrupling is the goal.

Because unless you are precise, exact, and accurate with your ‘diagnosis’ of what state you are in, shifting out of it will not likely to happen.

Just like the 20-state list guru lady is producing few shifts for her clients.

So how do you increase your vocabulary, other than the 67 steps coaching?

Reading is a wonderful tool.

Asking the question and then writing the answer down, so you have a growing list: what state am I in now (attitude, mood), what state is the person I am looking at is.

A client emailed me with a question today:

When you are stressed and get angry at the kids because they don’t do things as you want them and they do it their way even if they are not allowed… What state am I in? What is the word? Fury? Anger?

My answer went to the bottom layer:

impotent anger, helpless anger. the undertone you need to shift out of, not the anger.

That is the key to innovating yourself out of the situation: shifting out of the helplessness, the impotence, the powerlessness.

We are all victims of learned helplessness…

that little bit took him a lot further in learning new things about states… he answered

I think I got it. Of course! I am being helpless and impotent.

It’s the helplessness that’s is the cause and the anger is the effect. Am I right?

Almost… the wording is still imprecise… It is layered, remember?

So the bottom layer is helplessness. And the anger is a layer above it. There are always many layers. Try to remember the layer cake…

And there is always a bottom layer. For many minorities that bottom layer is ‘learned helplessness’.

In my view education shifts a community out of helplessness.

This is what happened in Scotland ‘How the Scots Invented the Modern World: The True Story of How Western Europe’s Poorest Nation Created Our World and Everything in It’ An exciting account of the origins of the modern world.

Who formed the first literate society? Who invented our modern ideas of democracy and free market capitalism? The Scots. As historian and author Arthur Herman reveals, in the eighteenth and nineteenth centuries Scotland made crucial contributions to science, philosophy, literature, education, medicine, commerce, and politics—contributions that have formed and nurtured the modern West ever since.

Herman has charted a fascinating journey across the centuries of Scottish history. Here is the untold story of how John Knox and the Church of Scotland laid the foundation for our modern idea of democracy; how the Scottish Enlightenment helped to inspire both the American Revolution and the U.S. Constitution; and how thousands of Scottish immigrants left their homes to create the American frontier, the Australian outback, and the British Empire in India and Hong Kong.

How the Scots Invented the Modern World reveals how Scottish genius for creating the basic ideas and institutions of modern life stamped the lives of a series of remarkable historical figures, from James Watt and Adam Smith to Andrew Carnegie and Arthur Conan Doyle, and how Scottish heroes continue to inspire our contemporary culture, from William “Braveheart” Wallace to James Bond.

And no one who takes this incredible historical trek will ever view the Scots—or the modern West—in the same way again.

So how did the Scots do it? Simple, ingenious, and rare. They created free public libraries in every community that had a church in it.

And the people started to read. Learn to read. Expand their views.

The rest is history. Never repeated, but could be repeated.

Societies where people read, where kids read, rise out of learned helplessness.

Societies where only a few people read, or people read ‘the good book’ only, don’t grow, and don’t rise out of learned helplessness.

Catholic countries, orthodox Jewry, many Islamic communities… they remain helpless. And rigid…

Of course individuals may rise out of their community’s level, but it takes more work, than if the tide lifts all boats…

Whatever is your emotional state, it is probably caused by some words… and that puts you squarely on the horizontal plane, the plane of the Valley of the Shadow of Death.

In my experience, the most effective Avatar State Activator I have ever recorded is the Winning and Keeping Love activator. It also comes with a few pages long article written by the famous Wallace D. Wattles, who also wrote The Science of Getting Rich.

He knew what he was talking about. In a sea of low vibration, low truth value books, his hits 60% truth value: very high.

Get the winning and Keeping Love activator
The activator itself is not necessarily about love… it is about how to be so that you get the effect on your environment that you would like to have. Love is a part of it. But being respected, being needed, found useful, getting paid attention is all part of that. In addition to providing yourself with what you need, your ITCH, you can also gain and get some of what you need from others, when you operate on the vertical plane, and follow the instructions in Wattles’ article.

The activator itself won’t be enough: you actually need to change your attitude consciously… and you either will or won’t.

I have recently identified the Finish What You Start soul correction’s Achilles heel: they are not willing, literally not willing to do what it takes to get what they want… and it is, in 90% of the cases, communication.

The Winning and Keeping Love Activator can help them change their attitude.

Every soul correction has their Achilles heel, and it is always an unwillingness…

Counter it with the activator helped attitude change…

Get the winning and Keeping Love activator
PS: I am doing some research now, as I am looking for pictures for this article. It seems that ’emotional state change’ brings up a lot of results… not very deep, not very effective, but methodologies exist.

Here are some additional search queries that work

  1. Mental Patterns – Emotional Mastery (Series)
  2. 3 Actions You Can Take Now to Shift Your Emotional State
  3. How To Master Your Emotions: The 6 Steps To Emotional Mastery
  4. Almost Instant State Change | Mindbridge NLP Coach Certification Trainings
  5. Emotional Management – How to Control your State of Mind – Handbook of Success
  6. How to Change Your Emotional State – CBS News
  7. 5 Ways to Get Your Unwanted Emotions Under Control | Psychology Today
  8. Change Your Emotional State by Changing Your Body Language | Balanced Achievement
  9. How To Control Your Emotional State – Return Of Kings
  10. Mental Patterns – Emotional Mastery (Series)
  11. Almost Instant State Change
  12. -Change Your Emotional State by Changing Your Body Language
  13. -Emotional Management
  14. -How To Control Your Emotional State
  15. -How To Master Your Emotions: The 6 Steps To Emotional Mastery
  16. -How to Change Your Emotional State
  17. -Mental Patterns – Emotional Mastery (Series)
  18. -Psychology Today
  19. -The Connection Between our Minds and Bodies

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Author: Sophie Benshitta Maven

True empath, award winning architect, magazine publisher, transformational and spiritual coach and teacher, self declared Avatar

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