The insight wasn’t about my tongue. It wasn’t even about my health. It was about how in spite of all I can laugh, and crack up, and be a total disruption to … something.
The insight was, that I was always that way. I never realized.
Every time I was the ham, or I was the jokester, or I was the disruption, I looked at it as if I saw it for the first time.
And last night, suddenly I saw a life that was full of clowning, and joking, and back-talking, and just plain being raucous.
Wow, talk about a surprise. Because if this is true, and because this is my nature, and because it is fun… maybe I could commit to it…
OK… the rest of the article may seem discontinuous, but it isn’t… trust me.
OK, here we go:
For the past 3-4 years I have been fighting an microscopic mite. It bites. It hurts. And it is going to be, according to Source, what will ultimately cause my death… unless.
I spent thousands of dollars on stuff, and the mites don’t budge. This is the same mite as what is “fondly” called Morgellon’s on the web.
Being sick for a week I had a lot of time observing them, and asking question.
And this morning, it seems, I asked the questions that will finally set me free. Not mite-free… just free.
The question is: is your life going to be about fighting, fixing, being busy doing that, or is it going to about living?
And I saw that my base nature and suffering, my base nature and fighting are incompatible.
I saw some of it already: in the latest stage of the fight I ate three heads of garlic a day.
And I got more and more sick. Weaker, gassy. Furry tongue. And dizzy.
So with what I saw today, I choose to live as long as I live, I choose to live with the mites and not resist them, and I choose to have fun, be funny, make fun, and maybe enjoy life.
If you look at my decision through the distinction: “rock, pebble, sand” the struggle was a pebble. Seriously impeding my life.
You have a lot of pebbles of the kind… struggle that isn’t going to lead anywhere. Smoke and mirrors.
Of course you could be using that to avoid detection that you are a coward, and are afraid to commit. Or you are so incurious that nothing feels important or interesting enough to you to give your life to it.
That you have no rocks.
Whatever is the case, living life is a lot more interesting than waging the kinds of battles the United States engages in… the drug against drugs, poverty, crime, discrimination while they are also feeding it.
You are better than that… or not. You decide.
I have a neighbor who was diagnosed six years ago, or was it seven? with stage four breast cancer. She didn’t have breast cancer or any cancer. She chose to struggle.
In those six years, she had altogether, maybe 30 hours of life… I can see because she is a gardener.
Has it been worth it? I don’t think so.
I am approached by people who are very sick… they are not living either. They are fretting and trying to find a miracle cure.