Updated: I Can’t Be Happy Unless…

prayer for messiah, the savior

Here is another example from 2011 for unless (or-ness)… the distinction I’d like to teach you, so far quite unsuccessfully. Why? Because it is really simple, but really hard… and I am not quite able to express myself clearly yet… I am getting there, promise.

Here is the article from 2011.

unlessI caught myself, red handed, up to my chin in misery, wallowing… yuck.

I had been depressed for two straight days. It wasn’t someone else’s feeling, it was mine alright. It sucks. I mean, literally, it sucked me dry, took away my aliveness…

Yesterday I regretted that last week when I had a chance to get off the planet I didn’t go. Today I started to contemplate jumping off from some high place…

At five I was repeating in my head: right behind this darkness is the light, waiting for me to call the bluff… “What bluff? My life is over, no one wants what I have to offer, and therefore my life is wasted.” Said my mind, and it all sounded noble.

Grumpy-Cat-Addicted-to-Fitness-MemeNoble and miserable. I felt personally offended. Hm. This is familiar! I used to chuckle at that phrase… Just can’t remember what was so funny about it!

Hey, there is another sentence right behind it: I can’t be happy unless… Unless I can have it all, unless, unless unless…. This will be the next activator, good catch. I can feel the misery starting to lift. It’s time to drive this baby home! I am starting to feel clearer, maybe even excited!

“But what was I up to? Why did I start all this journey in the first place?” I ask.

“Oh, to find a way to effectively alter people’s subconscious so they can get out of their misery and start making money, stop procrastinating, having fun…” I answer my own question.

Oh, that? That’s what I have been up to? I have accomplished that months ago! so what’s the problem?

Hah, I got sucked into being the Messiah, I think! I don’t even believe in a Messiah!

Let me get back to the original goal and start mining it.

World Transformation is not a good goal if it makes me miserable. Maybe the people feel that I self-selected for this Messianic role… and they don’t like it.

“Hey, that makes us two! I don’t like it either!”

“We are at the end of the summer, and I haven’t done anything summery!”

“It is not too late.” I’ll stat with looking out of the window of my tree-house-like an apartment. Beautiful. The birds love to share it. The sky is blue behind the leaves. The church bells say 6 o’clock.

I am going to enjoy life as long as it lasts.
Play with the people that want to play with me.
The more the merrier.

Author: Sophie Benshitta Maven

True empath, award winning architect, magazine publisher, transformational and spiritual coach and teacher, self declared Avatar

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