I just caught myself… and I’ll share it with you… even though it is quite terrifying to get naked with you.
I have a very limited number of food items on my diet. It’s not bad, but occasionally I’d like to drink a nice cup of tea, and Source has been consistently saying “no” to that.
It is one thing to obey… but it is definitely easier to obey an instruction that you know why it is what it is.
What’s wrong with tea? I have been trying to find out for months… and finally I asked a good question today, and the answer opened up a whole new can of worms for me.
I need healing, and the foods that source says yes to are active in healing me.
Wow… I need healing… on some level this is confronting… I don’t consider myself ill… but according to Source: I am.
Anything that is a lot less than it could be needs healing.
Almost as long as I remember I had a problem with my digestive system. As a baby I threw up regularly. As a teenager and young adult: I had gastritis, ulcers, pain.
As a slightly older person, a naturopathic doctor refused service to me after an exam: he said my colon didn’t have enough energy to heal itself.
And I have been weak, lacking stamina, all my life.
I never invested any thought, any time, any energy into healing myself: for me to think healing, I needed to think I was ill… and although I have been, for 70 years, I have been very resistant to that thought.
Now, what the heck should I do with this now?
I have had my diet, the food list, for a few years now… and I got a lot better, mentally, emotionally, but physically I am declining, and it is not just age.
We all have things that keep us down, and to my surprise, now that I have handled virtually all my mental and emotional dark side, I am starting to see, that I have rejected, explained away, and neglected this physical shortcoming of mine.
I took me three, maybe even four years to stop most of my favorite and daily eating habits, like tea, like cream, like chocolate… including sugar free.
I didn’t get much worse, but I didn’t get into top form, in fact I lost even some of the strength I had before.
I am shaking as I am writing this, but I can see that unless I embrace that I am not well, maybe even that I am ill, and unless I integrate my life around that “disability”, I’ll probably get a lot less out of life than I could: I cannot get out, I can’t travel, I can’t move to another house, and no matter how much I am tolerant to the discomfort, if I can get well by actually keeping my diet rigorously, then maybe all those missing activities will return to my life…
I have stopped any and all desires, in fact I crushed them, suppressed, them, because it looked impossible.
But what if I can get well, and with not even a lot of effort, just with some integrity, and start living again. Powerfully.
I need to give up doing things, keeping things, honoring things approximately… and choose to do fully… wholly, completely. I call that way of being “complete and thorough”.
What sense of the little individualistic animal is making that alternating growling and whimpering noise in my head? The part of me that wants to do what she wants to do, whenever she wants to do it, the one that values liberty more than freedom, liberty more than a life worth living, a life lived powerfully.
That is the one I will need to manage, soothe, appease, or it will take over my life, and my eating again… and eventually kill me and my joy, my dreams, my opportunity to live like a person…
How do I know? It’s been doing it as long as I remember. And this is the first time I see that I can treat that part of me exactly the same way as I have been treating my fearful part: like a loving parent.
My favorite concept in life is “have your cake and eat it too”.
It appeals to me. It sounds impossible, yet, knowing the invisibles intimately, it is not only possible, but real, time and time again.
It is what is irresistible in the rocking chair model of life, taught by Robert Fritz… don’t worry about the rocking. Just put wheels on the rocking chair and go to town…
Most people live in the binary structure of either or, because they don’t have any town in mind, any town that beckons enough for them to take their eyes of their oscillation between the two extremes of right and wrong, smart or stupid, embrace and reject, resist and accept.
So they spend their whole life wondering how other people do it… because obviously some people go to town… they must be free of oscillating structures, they say… not ever realizing that oscillating structures are part of the machinery that humans live in. 1
I have said before that rackets are everywhere.
Now, risking that you cannot see the forest for the trees, that you cannot take a different gander at the same thing, and will call me a liar… I am telling you: everything is an oscillating structure.
The untrained, non-discerning eyes it is always Hobson’s choice, and that is why you need to be trained… so you can see wider, and so you can see the same thing without losing sight of the previous view.
Most people move from hellish view to hellish view of life… without ever seeing any resolution.
The resolution is in seeing the sameness, seeing the nature of reality, and seeing that inside binary structures there is no resolution.
You have been looking for heaven at the wrong places.
For a bird, it is obvious, that to get out of a trap, you need to fly…
For a low vibration human it isn’t… so they pull on the ropes that ties them inside the oscillating structures, and never look anywhere else… especially not up.
Notice the hidden root of the word: spirit. Inner spirit… Not some outside spirit, or outside reward, offered by some outside agent.
Not god, not the after life, not a one day some day result, but something from your insides that can lift you out of the trap, and keep you afloat.
I have had an incorrigibly spirit-less student for a long time. We fought, and he oscillated between trying to please me, and trying to damn me. It was quite hellish.
Recently he came back, and something changed in the year or so that I refused to even answer his emails to me.
He decided to take guidance. He saw that either that, or more of the same. Either a life of oscillation, or a life that stems and is empowered by a common root, a common vision, so it can grow high and become like a fully grown tree.
Here is how he says it:
I think the biggest problem that you solve for people is a problem that they don’t know they have. You help them get in touch with how out of touch they are with reality. And then you provide them with a path of becoming coherent.
What I need most and what I would like you to do for me is to help me align my energies and my focus with my purpose. Something is out of joint. I do things and I have some skills but they’re not all aligned from the ground up. If feels like spiritual scoliosis. I keep trying to dig my way down to my own bedrock. So that I can begin the process of truly building a structure that can support my life.
And this, just seeing that the vertical energy was missing, or is undefined, he put himself on a path where the oscillation was just the oscillation, but where to pay attention is not there, it is in the “what could be a purpose that integrates my life into fulfilling on the spirit’s purpose of flying?”
In response to the article where I share about picking something to be your Higher Power, or was it the Mustard Seed video, I don’t remember, this student started to look for a higher power, first outside, god, the Statue of Liberty, then some world-effecting good deed… but he allowed me to guide him, and finally he has come up with this
I choose Life as my higher power.
Life which gave me life, and Life which will take it back one day.
Life which owes me nothing.
Life, to which I owe everything.
I trust Life; I can lean against it.
Life wants more life. I can align with that. It’s not personal. It’s not about me. It’s something so much bigger. Life is there to be surrendered to. Joyfully.
Of course, I will need your guidance to have this be more than words.
Life chose me. I choose Life.
This is the work that YOU must do, with yourself, if you want to reconnect to the inner spirit, too.
It started with humility: a confession that he cannot do it alone.
Then he chose me as his guide… in effect he promised to try on what I say. Try on for size… to see if it fits.
And then he took my guidance, away from where the “world” wanted him to go, to something outside of himself, that will always leave him cold and empty, feeling like a tool, resisting.
Instead he took the guidance to go within, and find his Life Force, and take on to honor it as his Higher Power.
Now, the world is a crab bucket… and the moment the other crabs notice your attempt at escaping, they pull you back…
You need support, and you need support to strengthen your muscles so you can not just declare to get out of the crab bucket, but actually do it, and then live life outside of it.
It is very similar to the butterfly transformation: it takes a lot of work to develop the muscles, and hold onto the “higher power” inspired image of life, to keep on banging away at the cocoon.
That phase, in my limited view of the many “transformational” programs I can see, is largely missing.
Yesterday’s transformation is today’s arrogance.
How do I know someone is giving lip service to a once inspiring possibility, but it no longer inspires him? By their vibration measurement.
I read an article, and then researched a dude who seemingly reinvented himself and his life inside the 3-day Landmark Forum. But his vibration is 150… just enough energy to keep up the pretense, but not enough to do the spirit’s work.
Talking about flying isn’t.
And yet, even occasional inspirations can pull you out of a rut… his vibration was 100 before he did the program.
The biggest missing for people I look at is the willingness to let go of their concern for the oscillation, and take a look within, where the spirit is eagerly waiting for them to look.
Interestingly, the only “compass” you have to know if you are going in the right direction, are indicators: curiosity, joy, and a kind of excitement, I call enthusiasm.
Certain activities that are mundane or meaningless from the outside, seem to put you in touch with that “compass”… cleaning the much from the horse barn, making your inflexible fingers to find the correct place on the guitar’s neck… are all directional signs… solving a hard puzzle… saying: oops, that hurts… show you which way to go within.
It takes a while to go deep enough so you can express that place with words. But by that time you feel what it’s like to have a Higher Power you trust with your life.
And then you can have life be the way life is… people be the way people are… because you are now not tethered to the horizontal plane of the oscillating structures… you are flying, untethered.
And that is what I call heaven.