I had a weird experience a few minutes ago.
I was working on something for a student of mine and I felt hate. Or maybe disgust.
Then I looked at people I know. I have felt that same feeling towards a lot of people. Like my favorite brother: but I felt that same feeling AND yet I love my favorite brother. WTF, right?
Then I tried it on with my mother, who died this month 24 years ago.
I said: I love my mother and I hate the behavior… and then cried. Really cried. It’s been bottled up for decades, that crying.
So what is love that it can be overridden but not killed by some distaste, or disgust, or hate? what about that sentence I said that allowed love to come up?
I think it is the distinguishing between a person and the behavior. The person and the attitude. The person and what they said and what they did.
Who they are, who they were, is who they were. You had nothing to say there.
What they did… you may have to say everything there. More often than not you can, if you have distinctions, find what you did that clashed with what they wanted.
All of life is a battle of the wills, and if you have the habit of only looking through your own eyes, that one fixed vantage point, I promise you’ll be unhappy and will have a lot of hate in your life.
You’ll hate people. You’ll hate things. You’ll hate yourself. You’ll hate life.
- Humans have empathy… getting a feel of what someone feels. But most of us ignore it.
- Humans have the capacity to learn to place their eyes wherever they want to, and look from there… to get a different vantage point. Without that humans, as a race, would be extinct.
But you have to take all of you to that vantage point…
Very often you need to get into the shoes of the other person, and see yourself from there. It takes you to get your self-interest out of the center of your view… i.e. get some humility. And it takes tremendous generosity of spirit to see another’s self-interest as valid as yours.
When your vibration is low, you can’t. You are in survival, and validating another’s self-interest feels like suicide…
I have a few students whose vibration is more like the temperature: jumps up and down. When it is high, they have access to generosity. When it is low, they don’t.
Why is their vibration so unstable?
As long as you haven’t completely transformed your view of life to where there is nothing ever wrong, whether you like what is or not… whether it is good for you or not… whether it makes you look good or not, whether it makes you right or not… your vibration will not be stable.
The goal of the Playground Program and its whole structure, all the exercises, all the sessions, all the feedback, are designed for this one purpose.
Nowadays I can predict the drop of the vibration by one thing: whether a participant following the “script” of the partner calls gets to where they can fully own their role in what happened… thus getting to “there is nothing wrong in reality”.
They either do or they don’t. 52 plus times during the year.
That is an awful lot of opportunities to miss…
What is there when they can’t see that there is nothing wrong in what happened?
Surprisingly what’s there is this: they make something else wrong… something new.
Most of the times themselves. I am wrong, I was wrong, and I should have done this, or should have done that.
Shifting from one wrong to the next wrong… and staying inside the worldview of “there is something wrong here… something wrong with me, something wrong with you, something wrong with it”
The reason you can’t love someone, the reason you don’t love them, is because you make something wrong about them.
You make wrong how they look, how they talk, how they smell, what they say, how they say it, what they believe, what they suggest about you… and you you want to separate yourself from that… so what you don’t like about them won’t reflect on you, won’t say anything about you.
You hate how you feel around them… You say “how they make you feel” but it’s a lie. Unless you are an empath, they don’t make you anything…
One of my least favorite feelings from another is “no matter what I do…”
It seems that several soul corrections have that as a pivot feeling… which means their entire life is hinging on a lie… Once the lie is uncovered, the real reason they are the way they are is revealed…
Very interesting.
Someone’s tendency to have “my way or the highway” triggers my self-determination, my right for free will… my right to be an individual.
So I respond with resistance… and I hate how I feel… so I transfer that hate to the other…
Isn’t it interesting that how you feel is so totally out of your conscious control? Automatic…
Until you get conscious of what is going on. The invisible dimension of reality.
Having analyzed what is going on for me… I can see that it takes the ability to control my attention and move it from self-preservation to acceptance. Accept the person, while I fully hate their actions and how they make me feel.
Love is not a feeling. Love is an attitude. An attitude of “there is nothing wrong with the other”… even when what they are doing is downright disgusting to you.
The current level of humanity feels affinity when all is well. When the other is feathering your nest, or your ego… or otherwise make you feel good about yourself.
The moment they don’t… that affinity is gone. that is what common parlance calls “conditional love”… while it is not love at all.
But once you do the work to remove all wrong from your reality… to match how reality really is, you can have disgust and affinity at the same time… and have relationships that don’t break all the time. With another and with yourself. Really. Or with your work. Or with your group. Or with whatever you sometimes love and sometimes hate.
So your emotional life won’t be like a roller coaster, jerking you up and down and sideways.
Should you be in the Playground Program?
If you feel fear… that is a good sign that you should be in the Playground.
Any other feeling probably says: you love having a life like a roller coaster. So please don’t even apply.
Join the Playground Program
interesting topic, Baheej. I listened to a Partner call today, where both participants play “toss me around” while inside they are searing with resentment or hate.
Suggesting to watch what is happening as a movie is brilliant… and interestingly that is part of the “magic” that causes my Playground participants to eventually own that there is nothing wrong in reality.
It just occurred to me that the phrase: ‘There is nothing wrong in reality’ may also be misinterpreted as ‘I have to let the world run over me’. Which I suspect ties into everything being ‘about me’. I’ve also noticed that in my class, and my community, letting ‘something be’ can be taken as weakness, potentially exposing you to an attack. I know a gentlemen who has done 20 plus years in prison and how he survived in a confined space where aggression is the default response to what are just otherwise ‘events’ is pretty fascinating. By the way, I don’t tell anyone to standby and allow harm to be done them. I’ve been saying based on what I’m learning from you is to look at what is actually happening as if it were on a movie screen so they can have some separation from the event and act accordingly, not from the emotion resulting from ‘ something is wrong’. So far, I am unsuccessful, and looking for a cookie for my effort. LOL. Thanks for the forum to share