Until you know what you are REALLY MISSING… you can’t give it to yourself…

Until you know what you are REALLY MISSING… you can’t give it to yourself…

…And until you know how… knowing what you really need won’t help a bit

In fact, although I can’t find a picture to illustrate it, but if you fill in a word that doesn’t fit into a crossword puzzle… the whole puzzle will be like your life… utterly unsolvable… miserable… wretched… and in fact it is, for most people.

I could say “all people”, and it would be accurate, and would make you stop reading… so I’ll settle for “most people” to appease you.

Solving the puzzle of a human life, to get a person on the right track after decades of only achieving misery in most of life is not easy… Because the forces conspiring against it are immense, and complicated to boot.

Many companies, individuals claim they have cracked the secret, but most likely they managed to get one or two people and now they think they know.


The iceberg of the human “design” is very deep. The visible parts are like the visible fruits of a tree: nothing done there can do any change to the tree, or whether the tree bears poisonous fruit or something life affirming.

The deeper you go in the iceberg the more effective you become at effecting the actions and the attitudes of the person… but unless you go all the way, to the pinnacle (the bottom) if the iceberg you’ll make no real difference.

This has been my work, and yesterday we made some great strides…

A lock cannot be unlocked unless all the tumblers align.

And the human condition is a lot like the elephant and the five blind men: in the story the five blind men want to find out what is an elephant… so they each touch a part of a living elephant, and report on what they experience, what the “see”… a rope, a fan, a ceiling, a column… But none of those are the elephant… they are only part.

And so is with psychology, transformational programs, what have you. They are created by blind men about one aspect of the human condition… and therefore on tumbler… not all. Maybe some went as far as touched on two tumblers… but the lock is still not turning.

It takes someone really wretched to never stop and smell the coffee, never stop and see the roses… but relentlessly forge ahead, test, experiment, and try to turn the freaking lock.1

OK, so yesterday we, students who recently asked me to activate their “Seeing Reason” DNA capacity, the capacity that has been missing, sorely, to make the connection between their typical behavior and the quality of their life, their typical behavior and what they, unbeknownst to them they have been trying to get from other people, their typical behavior and the series of events in their lives, their typical behavior and their Human Design strategy, their typical behavior and what they surely expected their actions to bring them…

You can see that to make this many connections between seemingly unconnected facts, you need a capacity that is anything but common.

In fact only about eight thousand people have it on a planet of eight billion people, even partially open.

Without that capacity to connect many dots, people are able to connect two dots, if they are good, three dots, but not many.

And that is the cause of the simplistic and inefficient, untrue, b.s. theories people teach as the truth. That is the results humanity does so many harmful things to themselves, their fellow humans, to the planet. They cannot connect the dots: in essence they cut the branch of the tree they are standing on. Cut their nose in spite of their face. Bore a hole in their side of the boat…

Now that these 11 brave people have learned what is arguably at the bottom of their iceberg, they have to learn new ways of being, new ways of making decisions, new ways of hearing what people say, new ways of relating to themselves and to the future.

It is not smooth sailing from here on… This is the harder part.

I did most of the work yesterday, digging up the bottom of the iceberg… but the real hard part is when they need to do some change, any change.

Uncharacteristically, I will re-open the DNA capacity for them, for a week, or if needed more longer.

Because unless you can see the whole elephant, as a whole, with every aspect connected, you won’t make any changes, or the changes will relate only to one aspect… and will be misdirected.

The two most important actions each person needs to take are

1. Re-calibrate their habitual action so they are a match to their “Human Design”, responding if they are Generators, and informing if they are Manifestors. I don’t have any of the other two types in my clients.

2. Start providing for themselves what we found was missing in their lives, so they don’t continue begging for non-nurturing scraps from others.

This, begging for scraps, attention, validation, nurturing, love, whatever they have been begging for, keeps them from putting all their energy into their own life, into what they can control: living a great life… the only life worth writing home about.

The only life that is worth living.

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  1. I am both a seeker and a finder… I seek, I find, I test, I document, I incorporate.

    In the process my life gets immeasurably better… but now I don’t stop. It is now an obsession. Goddamit, I am going to find it, even if it kills me.

    A unique combination of stupid, chivalrous, hardheaded, all come from different angles, all valid, all needed for someone to be sooo stupid… lol.

    But from my point of view, it is all worth it. Moving me to tears.

    It is not done until it is done. And in the meantime it is all in a day’s work.

    Being unknown, being someone nonexistent, insignificant, really served me. It takes a whole life, not just workdays to do this… Any “relationships”, or wanting to make money, or wanting to be liked, or wanting to belong would hinder my efforts to do the work.

    And do it as a “second in command”, second to “Source”, whatever that is, being suggested, being invited to do the next thing that didn’t make much sense from the limited perspective of the human mind.

    Humility has been my greatest ally. My greatest “virtue”… I am lucky, I was told back in 1987 that you cannot be trained unless you declare yourself incompetent in the subject matter first.

    It was a lot easier then than it is now, but that is still my approach to learning anything… I am incompetent. Not teach me.

    Humility simply means that I put aside my precious “I” that say, every step of the way, “I already know everything” or “I only need answer to one question” or some other inane b.s. that is a lie.

    I caught myself say that first when I was 18, accepted to architecture school. I was on the bus #91 going home, and ran into this dorky girl who, as it turned out, was also accepted to architecture school. Compared to her I was a genius… in my own mind. She NEEDED to go to university, but compared to her, I already knew everything… lol

    So yeah, arrogance began in earnest then…

    Of course, every step of the way I found out I didn’t know anything… but then immediately after that the precious “I” said… maybe I didn’t know everything, but now I really do.

    So being told what to do to disable, to neutralize the precious “I”, back in 1987, was crucial.

    Later, in 1996, I added another wrinkle to my method: I declared myself stupid. Not that there is anything wrong with stupid. But unless you say so, your precious “I” thinks that it needs to be smart… and then mistakes rattle you.

    So I became incompetent at will, and I made mistakes normal. That made me humble at will. Someone who could soak up knowledge but not accept them without testing.

    I did many many courses, read library worth of books, and tested them all. Methodologies, theories, so called “science”… modalities, you name it and I tested something to help me unlock that freaking door to a life worth living… not for me, but for anyone.

Author: Sophie Benshitta Maven

True empath, award winning architect, magazine publisher, transformational and spiritual coach and teacher, self declared Avatar

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