Sometimes the only way for you to notice what a prick you have been, is to change your ways and look back.
As I am on the mend, I now have gone outside to walk a little bit to move the fluids inside, the blood, and the lymphatic system. If there are more… I don’t know about them. 1
So my constitutional is to make the fluids move… I don’t have energy for a lot of walk, about a quarter of a mile is what I CAN walk now… I used to be able to walk for hours.
There is a woman whom I met a number of years ago. She lives about 8 doors downhill from me. I first met her on a September Sunday, she was participating in an Art trail… that happens in Syracuse, where I live, every year about this time of the year.
She was a potter at the time, and she was part of the art trail. I liked her instantly. There was something attractive to me about her. Something I could connect to? Her energy?
I spent an hour with her, met her two adopted Chinese daughters. Nowadays I see her walking her black Labrador. Occasionally we chat. I found out today that I’d never asked her name.
Laura… never expected her to be called Laura. Beth would fit her better.
So when I saw her today I noticed how thin she was… skinny…
So I asked if she minded if I look at why she was so skinny. She wasn’t feeling well, congestion in her lungs… Not enough breathing, I guessed. Breathing allows you to grieve… but grieving hurts.
She is a gracious woman… has a generous heart… so she sat with me on a park bench while I inquired into the causes of her sudden weight loss.
Nothing was alarming, I found no illness, so the next set of questions revealed that the cause is emotional.
She needs to be needed, she wants to be needed, and her older daughter, she has two, is away, started college a few weeks ago… I didn’t ask where.
She misses her… and inside the context she has had for being a mother is the context that her daughters need her. That was her raison d’etre… her reason to be. Her only reason to justify her existence…
I suggested that distance didn’t change that, wouldn’t change that she was needed, but that, maybe, their relationship has morphed into a co-creator type, instead of the asymmetrical I am the mother, you are the child. 2
The way this co-creator (partnership) type relationship is modeled, demonstrated is that two people stand face to face, one is the monitor/leader the other is the follower. Then they switch. Eventually, with healthy individuals, the distinction disappears: they both lead and they both follow. Exhilarating, joyful, very energizing.
I recommended that she started to change to context to co-creation… co-creator relationship with her daughter…
And we said good-bye… I walked in the other directions when I suddenly felt that I left her with a feeling that I was superior and she was inferior…
I turned around and shouted her name… Laura! and she turned around, and I had the opportunity to tell her how grateful I was to her that she was listening to me so graciously…
She teared up, and then walked home.
This was a first for me. I may have felt that I was a dominant a-hole, superior, a b-i-t-c-h, but I never had a chance to actually see what it does to someone by catching it fast enough to see the damage my behavior can do.
My intention hasn’t been, for quite a while, to be superior… but your intention matters little in any interaction: the only thing that matters is what happens to the other person.
The idea ‘to be fully responsible for how you land’ is alien to most people…
Why? Because to be able to notice it while it is happening, you need to bilocate: you need to be behind your eyeballs and also see what the other person sees… look from behind their eyeballs…
I call this bilocation. Bilocation it is a human capacity, one of the 160, that most people miss, and you, somehow learn in the Playground, without being taught. Some people there are ahead of others… and get it faster… or get it wrong… They want to please me…
I now have two students who, at least some of the time, can look from behind MY eyeballs… To me it is like having gone to heaven… until I find out that they just want to please me… lol.
It is not an ordinary capacity.
Don’t ask me to turn it on for you: it will turn off in three days… unless you clawed yourself to the level where you can bilocate… without an agenda. Just to see how you land, just to see what you are doing from two different vantage points at the same time.
Why am I sharing this? Why would you want to know how to bilocate?
If everything you ever wanted comes through other people, and you don’t give a hoot about them, chances are that you’ll end up with nothing of what you wanted. Extorted things don’t feel good… and without the capacity of bilocation, you, at best, are an extortioner of what you want. No joy in that. Maybe glee, but not joy… Like the little boy in this article https://www.yourvibration.com/52541/changes-change/
After I adjusted your predatory genes, what I am noticing is that you know that the ball is in your court… but unless YOU change, nothing will change.
I listened to one of the partner calls where both participants saw that they were insisting doing things exactly the way they were doing before the adjustment, and yet feeling that they could, or maybe be better off if they changed their attitude.
The Playground mercilessly reveals where you are weak, where you are not all you could be, and why.
I love the program, even though it only starts to produce results, just like pregnancy, after a long while…
Is it irresistible?
I say it is irresistible. My job is to not fall into the trap of trying to do the participants’ work for them.
And god knows, they are asking me to do their work for them. Sigh.
There is nothing wrong in reality…
- The lymphatic system is one of two major systems responsible for moving fluid around your body. The other is the cardiovascular system. … The heart pumps oxygen- and protein-rich blood out through the arteries and into the body’s tissues and organs.
There is an expression I have fallen in love with recently: walking is my constitutional… I walk to stay well… and now I walk to get well.
I am not really well yet: my lungs have been congested for some 40 years, so less and less oxygen reaches my body parts, including my brain, and my muscles.
- I write about this, in several articles, re: Relationship Course, the science of the invisible dimension: the field. The “normal” fields inside which we relate to each other are mother/child, father/child, playmate/sibling, admirer/admired. “Human being” first shows up in the “partnership” field… and that is the field where you don’t get your value by forcing your child to be child… by keeping them from growing. I spend, nowadays, 70% of my time in the partnership field, and only 30% in the homo sapiens fields. I am on the verge of becoming a human Being. I can track my success, financial, health, social with this number. I could measure it in the Starting Point Measurements, but I doubt anyone would know what I am talking about.
The Partnership Course was a year long course, and it asked a lot of you… a lot more than I am asking of my Playground participants. Weekly calls with a coach, many many many collages a week, and bi-monthly trips to Los Angeles… expensive too.