Gratitude, appreciation is for you, not for the other

gratitudeI have students who fake thankfulness, gratitude… you can hear it. And occasionally they confess.

To me, to hear the fakeness, it indicates their wretchedness.

They think that gratitude, appreciation is social grease… and you give it to look good, to fit in, to obey some social rule, or because the other needs it.

Their knowledge about how reality works is completely missing…

Gratitude, what you are getting, all live in language… have no existence in reality. Without expressing gratitude you got nothing… and of course nothing to be grateful for.

But if you get nothing, ever, then you are wretched. You got nothing… and no joy, no being moved,no nice feelings, no connection with the other… you are an empty shell waiting to be filled.

Every phenomena that exist only in languaging, only when spoken, only when put into words, audible or inaudible, is like this. You don’t say it, it didn’t happen. Good or bad.

Including love, including hate, including offense, including slighting another, respect, and, of course gratitude and appreciation.

cultivate gratitudeI have students who are numb. Numb because what they have is unexpressed grief. Now flow… just holding back the dam… afraid that if they expressed what wasn’t expressed back then, they would lose grip on themselves and go mad. I was one of those people.

It took me an awful long time to slowly release it and become a person who can and will allow both kinds of emotions to just flow… and not block it.

And become happier for it.

As I have said: I have a new coach. I signed up to his print newsletter in the middle of September, after I decided that I wanted to live.

If you want to live, you better put yourself on a growth curve, instead of just surviving: surviving isn’t life… or not really, no matter how many billions only survive.

The price of the newsletter was prohibitive for me, but I said: If I make X amount of money by Saturday, I’ll buy it.

And just saying so I went into action, and I did make that money, and more. I sent my payment. Scared… with fluttering heart.

thankful-gratefulI didn’t know what to expect, but I had made my commitment. I crossed the Rubicon. The die was cast. Done deal… “events have passed a point of no return”. The commander ordered to burn the ships. (This phrase “Burn The Ships” comes from a historic conquest of history when, in 1519, Spanish Conquistador Hernando Cortez landed in Mexico on the shores of the Yucatan, with only one objective…seize the great treasures known to be there, hoarded by the Aztecs.)

This type of courage is incredibly inspiring for the courgeous and it’s also very scary. And, as it turned out, it is also incredibly effective.

In these two and a half months I changed. How I write changed. What I do with my writing changed. How I relate to myself and to clients changed.

This morning I sent a short email to this dude, my coach, Ben is his name.

Hello Ben,

I have been itching to tell you the same thing this dude said: the moment I subscribed… I didn’t even receive my first issue, something shifted… in me.

By now other people have noticed too.

I think neediness went away… even though I didn’t even know it was there before. I stand taller, even SIT taller.

I sell something in every article (about 50 a month) (no emails for me) and my income more than doubled since the middle of September.

I changed and my results changed. Thank you for being someone I can model myself after.

The most valuable pieces came in the November issue… the Money Bombs. Priceless. Takes zero time to implement. Zero. Income, fan engagement, believability, attraction factor more than doubled… Fun: 10-fold. Yaay.

Real magic.

thank you so very much.

He responded:

Thank you for letting me know.

I wept. It was simple. I felt seen. I felt heard.

I felt that my gratitude expressed AND RECEIVED BY HIM gave me more than what I paid for.

This brings me back to you, and to Thanksgiving.

I also have people in my courses who can express gratitude, who see value in what they are receiving, and they tell me. They are the ones who advance more than others. What was first, the chicken or the egg?

I think expressing gratitude makes what you are grateful for real…

Many can’t see value, and therefore there is nothing to express. They cannot take their eyes off their own needs or neediness long enough to see anything other than what they are focusing.

I liken this to driving your car, afraid that the hood will open. You can’t see the road, you can’t see the light, you can’t see the other vehicles, the pedestrians… you can only see the hood of your car.

One of these people asked me to activate the DNA capacity: appreciation = seeing value, giving value.

There is no value in reality. Value only exists in language

As I said above, there is no value in reality. Value only exists in language… and for this person nothing is valuable.

I could turn on the capacity of seeing value/appreciation for her, but it would turn off on its own accord in 72 hours for no use. Because all the DNA capacities are potentials.

If you are not willing to see beyond your needs, you won’t see value. You’ll see only wrong.

So I suggested that she takes advantage of Thanksgiving, and gives wood to the fireplace before she expects heat…

here is what I wrote:

first start pretending that you are grateful… Thanksgiving is a great opportunity: express gratitude to whomever you have the dinner, gratitude for them, gratitude for the dinner, gratitude for being alive, gratitude for the weather… don’t wait for the activation… otherwise it will never work.

You are, Source says there is a 70% chance, that you are like her… whether you are my student or just read my articles. Why 70%? Muscle test says: 70% of all people cannot see anything to be grateful for. They cannot see value.

And if you are reading this article before Thanksgiving… start doing what I asked my student to do… and start nudging that DNA capacity, asking it to open up. Once it is a little bit open, I can activate it for you.

It is a lot like me paying for the newsletter BEFORE I really had money to pay for it monthly… it was too expensive for me.

start-with-givingStart by giving. and expect nothing in return. If you expect a return, then it’s a trade, and nothing will happen from it.

If your soul correction is stingy, Sharing The Flame, Building Bridges, Circuitry, Silent Partner, Finish What you Start, Removing Hatred… this is doubly, triply important… so do it.

Also, look at what makes you remain in survival mode?

In my experience you sabotage yourself, especially the easiest way: by destroying your health.

Why would you do that, you ask? Because you, on some level, know that you are in the wrong, and you hate yourself… and that hate needs to be expressed somehow.

One of these stingy people got their health measurements this morning.

His numbers are bad. His response was to ask for an updated food list… But

  • 1. he didn’t feel blessed that he now knows what’s making him not feel his best
  • 2. he didn’t ask what the numbers meant… so he didn’t even look at them as potentially valuable

Even after several emails back and forth, he barely could come to a place where he would ask intelligent questions that could guide him. Why? Because he is a “Finish What You Start”… no guidance is required, requested, or appreciated.

emotional stinginessStinginess makes you stupid… way stupider than your brain would suggest you can be.

The price you pay for your health assessment, by the way, does not include a detailed analysis and suggestions to get well…

This series of articles can be helpful, if you are not intellectually slothful to learn new things. The odds are against you… but you could surprise yourself, you could surprise me.

Get your health measurements… and see what is likely that keeps you stingy, dull, sluggish, unable to focus, or lacking energy, physically. And if you are smart, ask for the short consult I offer as a ride-along when you pay.

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Author: Sophie Benshitta Maven

True empath, award winning architect, magazine publisher, transformational and spiritual coach and teacher, self declared Avatar

11 thoughts on “Gratitude, appreciation is for you, not for the other”

  1. Thank you, for this article, Sophie! I think I’m getting a little closer to understanding”Gratitude” vs “Thankfulness”. I was thankful for good things, but still see other things as “wrong”. Would it be a good 20 day challenge to practice gratitude for things I’d normally consider wrong or want to fix? Like today, the weather is gray and windy. But my son pointed out how pretty the flying leaves are and we spent some time on the window watching them. So I can be grateful for this weather, because it made us both stop and spend some quality time together. Or I can be grateful for a stomach ache, because it tells me that what I ate was not good for me. Is this a good place to start?

  2. yes, that is an excellent 20-day challenge. And if I were you, I would make it an even longer challenge. Gratitude makes you smarter, makes you more present, and like all of us, you could use more of that… everybody benefits… your family, your Playground group, and long suffering ME… lol…. I am seriously saying this… and I find it funny saying I am long-suffering…

    Thank you Sandra to attempting to get it. The proof of the pudding is in the eating of it… so we shall see if you really got it or not.

  3. I’ll put tripple effort into it – for you and my family (which includes the Playground group now). Thank you for the encouragement!

  4. I also felt seen and heard today in an email from the owner of the company I work for:


    It may sound corny, but you know what, who cares?

    I just wanted to say, I am so proud of you.

    You have really come a long way. You mentioned recently about how you are at peace, how you’re not making excuses, how you’re taking responsibility, etc. The amazing thing is, the things you are working on in your life are having such a huge impact on your work. You have really become a role model part of the team in so many ways and I cannot thank you enough. I am so appreciative of someone taking responsibility for themselves and then seeing the tangible results of that. I have a tremendous amount of respect for what you have done in your quest to work on yourself. Well done!!!

    I still get tears in my eyes when I think of the letter. I am finally becoming the woman I want to be. My heart is running over..

    Without Sophie, this would not have been possible.

  5. Thank you Suzanne. I won’t deflect the acknowledgment… instead I’d like to share it with all who have caused this great result of yours:

    1. Yourself, your attitude, your work invested. Congratulations. It wasn’t business as usual, and your results are off the chart too. Congratulations
    2. Your Playground partner, Mira, who provided a very compassionate listening… thank you Mira.
    3. Your Playground group, thank you guys.
    4. Your Discussion Forum members… kudos to you guys… especially Mira and Kawa… awesome demonstration of what love can do.
    5. And the Playground technology: my teachers, my coaches, I learned from…
    6. And, of course, Source… Thank you Source. Really. Thank you.
  6. Thank you, Sophie. I couldn’t have said it better. I was at a loss for words when I posted this earlier. Thank you all. Thank you, Source. I love you guys!

  7. Wow, Suzanne! That’s amazing! Congratulations and thank you for showing that it can be done!

    Sophie, I’m sorry for causing you suffering. THANK YOU for keeping me in the program despite that. I hope I can make you proud some day, so I’ll keep at it as long as you’ll have me XOXO

  8. Since I received the email from the owner, I have been filled with gratitude, value. My heart feels like it is overflowing. I have reached out to old friends and family today to say Happy Thanksgiving, let them know I love them. Something I normally don’t do. I have moments when I cry and think of all the things that I am grateful for. I have never felt like this before. I am proud of the woman I am becoming. I am grateful for The Playground Course. If you are thinking about working with Sophie in any way, you won’t regret it. Go for it!

    In gratitude,

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