Before I answer that question, I want to look at something closely related, but something I have only seen addressed one single time. And that is: how to be in a conversation where you listen in such a way, that everything you say will be delightful for to the other… where you are in a gentle and pleasant dance… instead of how you are now: separate, all about yourself… never dancing, never really having an experience of belonging to the human race, or even to that particular conversation. Wanting to win, wanting to dominate, wanting to be right, look good, etc.
And as a result you now have a life that you don’t belong with the closest people, family, lovers, children… co-workers, bosses, even friends, if you even have any.
The simple reason is: you don’t listen, or not really. Why wouldn’t you listen… one could ask, but the answer is simple: you are too busy listening to yourself, thinking about whatever you are thinking, being in your head, in common parlance.
And even if you hear the words, you don’t listen to the heart of the other, to who they are, to what makes them grieve, what they need, from you or others. You don’t hear them, THEM, really.
And what suffers as a direct consequence of that is your life, your results, your relationships.
In my Playground program the goal is to remove all the things you are concerned about, all the things you are thinking about, so you can be present. With life, with the people you are dealing with. So that you can become curious, so you can become spontaneous, so you can serve, so you can be successful. Maybe even liked… god forbid. lol.
Sometimes one can do things one can do things really well, and therefore that person, you, cannot teach others to do well what you are doing that works so well. I have a few of those… things I can’t teach.
This is what’s happening right now, and this is when I get my inspiration, and even the teaching from articles, books, that I can re-teach. Because I can see that what the article is saying is brilliant, it can make a difference in teaching you, and maybe can even teach you… but that is rare.
The article I read yesterday says that if you really wanted to practice listening like I listen, you would want to join an improv class or group. (Not accidentally I spent a long time in improv groups…)
Improvisation happens on the fly. You can’t be prepared for it… just like conver-sations… you really don’t know what the other person is going to say. You may think you do, you may think it is more important what you have to say, but if you put it in a theatrical performance of improvisation artists, if you say your canned response, it breaks the flow, it makes the whole performance chunky and dead on arrival.
Improv is all about listening. Listening is really 70% of it. If you listened keenly, what you have to say will require no effort, no thought, because what there is to say will flow out of your mouth, and you’ll be surprised.
If you have known me long enough, you know that this happens to me regularly: “I”, the conscious person, surely didn’t say all those brilliant things: something spoke through me.
But, of course, I have no attention on myself at all when I talk to you. I am all about what you say… and then, if it all goes well, we dance. Shall we dance?
Yeah, that is one of my favorite movies of all time.
The other thing that came across my “desk” today is the second part of the same issue: Being able to listen in such a way that you can have your way with people, sell them yourself, your wares, your value, your authority, your expertise, your desires.
Because even if you can hear what the other person says, you can only respond to what he says… But that is the surface level…
There is a deeper way to listen: listen to what they are not saying… what is underneath, what is important to them, what they dream about, what failures they experience, what they fear, what they suspect, who are their enemies.
Unless you can hear all that, even though that is not what they are talking about, your chances to persuade them is between zero and none.
The writer of the pdf… here is the link… says that people listen to people, buy from people, follow people, who
- encourage their dreams
- justify their failures
- allay their fears
- confirm their suspicions
- help them throw rocks at their enemies
You can’t do that unless you listen deeply, listen to their hearts.
And because you don’t listen that way, you can’t persuade people to do, to be, to buy what you suggest, and you feel alone, you feel utterly powerless, you feel utterly defeated.
Underneath it all, if you peel any human like you peel an onion, at the core of every and all humans, you’ll find one thing and one thing only: the desire to make a difference: that you matter. that you are noticed, that if you died the world would be a little poorer for it.
And if you look carefully, 90% of humanity wants to live longer because they are not experiencing the fulfillment of that NEED, mot experience that the fact that they were born made a difference.
Rare is the person who after a long life can turn around and start doing the things that would make them make a difference, so no matter how much longer you live, if you haven’t made a difference, chances are you won’t..
But I have a secret for you: if you master the art of listening, deeply listening, every time you listen you actually make a difference… even if you do nothing beyond listening.
Susan Sarandon’s character says, famously, in the movie Shall we Dance: I got married because I wanted my life to be witnessed.
But guess what: no one is willing to witness another’s life… They are not even witnessing their own!
But it is not too late to learn how… It is the biggest missing for success and a sense of success you have.
Do I hear you thinking: “No matter what I do, it is never going to work out”?
You may not know what you are thinking… but whatever you are thinking when a huge possibility comes up, is what is at the linchpin position of your life… 70% of my students have this “no matter what I do”
For decades I was powerless about it, but it seems that the Bach energy “No matter what I do” can be successfully balanced out with that fixed resistant way of being… This is what the feedback is.
You can find out if you are part of the 70% or the 30%… by ordering your Bach profile…
There is also a new version of the Big Bundle that contains all 42 of the Bach energies, so whatever is tripping you up, preventing you to fully benefit from the Big Bundle, is handled by the combined energies of the Big Bundle and the HOE energy…
If you have the Big Bundle, but haven’t received your email to upgrade: I’ll send the email out again later today… after I redirect the email through amazon… this way, hopefully, it will get delivered.
Here is the link to buy
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