As a kid, my teacher said about me that I was amoral. Not immoral… amoral. Immoral: not conforming to accepted standards of morality. Amoral, on the other hand is lacking a moral sense; unconcerned with the rightness or wrongness of something.
Now, whether that was true or not: I don’t know. In fact, I have no idea. I think every child is amoral: we haven’t been indoctrinated in a moral code… aka code book.
My code book is probably different from your code book.
If you assume that I’ll see something the same way as you see, you’ll get hurt, disappointed, slighted, offended, angry, puzzled…
My code book is my code book. Yours is yours. You got it where YOU got it… I made up mine, mostly.
In my book nothing is wrong, although there are kosher things, and not kosher thing. There are supportive, empowering, helpful things, and the opposite. But no wrong. There are mistakes, f…ups, goofs, and such, but no wrong.
And yet, when my downstairs neighbor exuded contempt for me and for how I live: I took notice. It didn’t feel good.
Obviously he has a code book where there is something wrong with me.
So I hated him for a month or so. Then I started to look. Look at my code book: what would I say about someone who is like me? I kicked that around for a while, and came to a startling revelation: without knowing anything about the person, I probably would have contempt for them too. Ugh.
So the moment I realized that, I started to look what it is that I can do to become respectable again, strictly from my own code book, not his. He does a lot of things i did when I was his age, which was 50 years ago… So chances that we share much of any code in our code book is slim.
I realized that I can explain a lot about me and my housekeeping prowess, namely the lack of it, but you’ll either have your reasons or your results.
So I, again, started to clean up my space. I wish I could hire this kid downstairs to make my fire burn more reliably fanned by his contempt. I would be really grateful.
If you would like to be able to use all the bad things that others say/think about you like I can, your likely solution is in the Playground… You should check it out.