How words create and sustain emotions… Emotional Intelligence Part 3

Unfortunately for you, your emotions determine the quality of your life.

If you haven’t, please read part one and part two first…

‘They’ teach you to try to only have positive emotions, but guess what… you only try to have positive emotions on the top of negative ones…

The less emotions you have the higher the quality of your life… Surprised? It’s true.

Imagine you are a baby… You are happy. You are just here to eat and poop.

There is nothing you can or even have to do for yourself, you completely rely on other people, for security, for comfort, for sustenance, to clean you up… everything.

And then you start sensing that for the people who take care of you, you are a nuisance, you are not how you are supposed to be, you are supposed to be different. They express it with their faces, their energy, their demeanor… You are an empath when you are a baby.

You are hungry, you need comfort, you need love… and what you get back is their belligerence, their dutifulness, their reluctance, their resentment. Less than 10% of babies were planned ahead of time, less than 10% are truly welcome to the mother.

But what can you expect of a mother who also feels that she is not good enough, who feels that she is not up to the task, that she can never meet the expectations of others?

She now has to do ten times more than she had to do before… husband, household, taking care of herself, enormously big task… and the husband is not happy. He wants how it was before… being the center of attention.

She is tense, she is less than she should be… and she puts that reaction on you, the child.

Your mother did that to you. And if you are a mother: you did the same thing to your children. Not because you are bad, by the way.

If you watch a mother cat, a mother dog, or any mother animal, they do mothering emotionlessly. They allow, they take care, but don’t dump their own grief on their pups. Actually: they have no grief.

In a previous article I show the video, illustrating personal authority, with a mother dog… It is impossible to have personal authority if you are plagued with emotions. The emotions hijack your authority…

Animal mothers do what life needs them to do so their offspring can grow up and carry on their genes. They don’t have words, so they don’t have emotions. They feel what Life, what instincts wants them to do and they do it, without grumbling.

Human mothers have words, and therefore they do have the darn emotions.

It is not their fault. It is all the problem of what floor someone lives on.

On the 13th floor meeting others’ expectation of you is simple: do not steal, do not violate another’s freedom to be, have, or do, keep the laws. Take care of yourself and your own. Eat when hungry, drink when thirsty, answer the call of nature. Make the most of yourself.

You don’t have to be good enough, because on the 13th floor only life will challenge you. And you’ll either meet life’s challenge or you won’t… life is simple.

On the 13th floor if you don’t eat, you will have pain, or you’ll die.

On the 13th floor  there is no prestige, no prettiness, no need to lose weight, no trying to become a rock star or a genius. That all happens on the 14th and the 15th floor.

But if you woke up, for a moment, from this worldwide hypnosis and looked around you would see: Life is not stupid. Life is not reserved for the Bill Gates, and the prettiest girls. For the geniuses and the ones with perfect cup C breasts.

Life is for everybody.

Life never needed you to be different than you are. Life never needed to be somewhere else other than where you are.

Your mother never needed you to be different either… except they’d thought they should have been different.

But trillions of dollars are made from you being out of balance, trying to be different than you are. Wars are organized. Tyrants are elected president. Genocides are supported by you…

Every person wants to matter. Every person wants to make a difference in the world. And when they can’t, they will become either a criminal or a forever teenager… no third choice.

When you experience that you are not good enough, you are not a match to what you want… according to others, you give up…

You stop generating your life, you stop driving your ‘vehicle’ and redirect your energies to try to meet the expectations of others, respect, mattering, love, liking, or, in my case, adoration.

You cannot be spared from this misery, unless you learn to disconnect the 14th floor and the 15th floor from your existence. The 14th floor is words that interpret the feelings you have… the 15th floor are the ‘marker feelings’ aka emotions.

Emotional intelligence is knowing that what creates the emotions is words you say or think or read, and the words other say.

I have a student who has been saying for decades that she is angry, furious… Lately she has disconnected the word from what she felt, and her emotions are down to annoyed. If she continues this process, eventually she’ll see that nothing other is happening than what she expected didn’t happen… and then she can change what she expects, or COMMUNICATE…

And finally she will be able to be a person who can enjoy life, no matter what happens.

Only people who learn to feel their feelings, the 13th floor and start to detect the words they have been adding as ‘meaning’ to those feelings can see through this artificial world of unrealistic expectations.

And here is another piece that you never considered:

Only when you can be guided by Life can you become all you can become, only then can you self-realize.

Unless you are O.K. on the level of meeting others’ expectations of you… meaning you feel you meet others’ expectation, you can never ‘graduate’ to meeting your own expectations of you… and then, meeting your realistic expectations of yourself… graduate to the level of self-realization.

Sometimes I’m going to disappoint people and my best won’t be good enough, but it doesn’t mean I’m not good enough.

This was the lesson I had to teach myself a few years ago….

I’d been under a lot of stress and was having some health problems. But not many people knew what was going on. Until it started to affect them.

One afternoon I got an email from someone telling me how much I’d let her down on a project we were working on together. Honestly, I knew she was right. And I knew I’d done all I could, but it wasn’t good enough and some important details fell through the cracks.

I apologized and asked for forgiveness, and she graciously gave it to me. I had that awful pit in your stomach feeling for a while but I had to remind myself, I was giving all I had to give.

I decided to cut back on some commitments so it wouldn’t keep happening. Sometimes I think that is the smartest thing we can do. We’ve got to give ourselves grace and accept that sometimes we’re going to disappoint people and our best won’t be good enough, but it doesn’t mean we aren’t good enough it may just mean we need to make adjustments and leave ourselves some room to breathe.” ~ Renee Swope

Personhood begins on the level of meeting your own (realistic) expectations of yourself.

When I ask you who you are… the Self… you don’t know. You don’t know because you haven’t met your own realistic expectations… you are still trying to meet other people’s expectations… that’s why you don’t know. That’s why you don’t have a Self… yet.

Once you look from the 13th floor, the floor of feelings, you have met others’ expectations of you ages ago. So you can graduate… and start examining your own unrealistic expectations of yourself.

Start examining your own unrealistic expectations of yourself.

Do you really need to become a billionaire? or a rock star? or a size 1? or a genius? or the mother of all mothers? or whatever hogwash you invented for yourself?

Really? Are you consciously stating that unless you become something that is impossible for you to become, you won’t meet your own expectations of yourself?

Sit with that a little bit. And feel silly, feel stupid… but get that happiness is wanting what is and coming from ‘nothing is missing’…

From that space you can build things if you want, but you don’t have to. You can. If you want to.

This, the down to earth, sensible Tree of Life is what humanity missed when they went for the forbidden tree of knowledge. Resulting in 200,000 years of misery and wretchedness.

And our generation could be the generation to turn it around.

This is the meaning of the thousand years of peace. Inner peace… resulting in a world of peace and prosperity.

Are you up for that? In your own person?

Getting acquainted with and centering yourself in your 13th floor? We shall see, won’t we?

This is the true meaning of impervious… when you are home in yourself, you cannot be manipulated. Yaay!

I am in the process to get the Inner Authority course ready to launch. There are already people in it.

But because you may not be ready yet, I recommend that you do a few weeks of the Winning and Keeping Love process with the activator… it will put you on the vertical plane, and once you know how to get there… life is going to become easier and this whole emotional intelligence issue will become clearer.


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Memes also spew 14th and 15th floor duping mood and words! Observe how they play with your emotions… the 15th floor…

 

 

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Author: Sophie Benshitta Maven

True empath, award winning architect, magazine publisher, transformational and spiritual coach and teacher, self declared Avatar

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