The dictionary meaning is only part of the story (excessively proud of oneself; vain)
The most important part of the story is revealed in relationships. Relationship to others, and relationship to tasks.
When I look, the people who are conceited are delusional… delusional in their relationships to people and things. In comparison.
They compare themselves to others and they are, as a fixed attitude, not as an experience, superior to them. And they compare themselves to things… and they are superior to them, as an attitude, not as an experience.
My mother was conceited. Her pictures show it. So were my brothers.
Contempt and conceit are very close… She had contempt for many things, many people, including me.
The only really superior person in our family, my father, was unassuming. I grew up in this family where I was considered less than, less pretty, less smart, less capable than them… the conceited ones, less than anyone except my genius father. He was maybe treated as even less than me.
I woke up this morning with this realization. It explains why I had this dramatic reaction to looking at my now 25 years dead mother’s pictures on her birthday. Why I found her unbearable, difficult to look at, ugly and distasteful.
It explains, to me at least, why she was such an underachiever as a person. And why my father left her after 27 years of marriage, only to live with another woman for 20 happy years. That woman, like my father, was unassuming.
Conceited people not happy. Their assumed position in the hierarchy of life, among people is an unrealistic expectation to get the results and the spoils of their superiority. But because it is not real, because it is delusional, they don’t… with some rare exceptions, when the conceited person is also a conman, a sociopath of sorts. Don’t get me started on that… lol… raucous laugh…
I have clients and students who are conceited. Some act superior with me… and I get rid of them.
I notice the issue when I look at their accomplishments, their approach to tasks, their approach to work.
They don’t EVER put in enough work to get the results they are aiming at: they don’t feel that they have to. In their imagination, in their delusional superiority, they should already get the results with minimal effort… but they don’t.
Life, results, accomplishments take work… in general, a lot of work. No matter who you are, no matter how smart you are. WORK for these people is a 4-letter word.
For most of my life I was trying to survive conceited people. First my family, then boy friends, their parents, teachers.
It is nearly impossible to have self-confidence, self-esteem, when your whole environment screams: you are stupid, you are nothing, you are garbage.
Where does this attitude come from?
My personal growth was almost entirely turning the negative expressions into positive… I am a 34…
Positive and Negative Aspects of Primary Numbers
As a 34, my primary numbers are 3, 4 and 7
1 Life Purpose: Creativity and Confidence
In the Positive: Channels high energy and inspiration into creativity and service; feels secure with self.
In the Negative: In the Negative: Feels blocked, stuck, frustrated; feels inferior, ill, lethargic, insecure; possibly addicted.
2 Cooperation and Balance
In the Positive: Has clear sense of personal boundaries and limits; supports self and others in equal measure.In the Negative: Feels overwhelmed; resistant and reactive; starts out overly helpful, then suddenly withdraws.
3 Expression and Sensitivity
In the Positive: Engages in heartfelt, uplifting expression; communicates with inspiration, sensitivity, and joy.
In the Negative: Feels depressed and disappointed; overly sensitive; complains and criticizes; filled with self-doubt.
4 Stability and Process
In the Positive: Prepares well and progresses step-by-step; patiently follows through; balances logic and emotion.
In the Negative: Wants it all now; skips steps; ambitious, impatient, confused; lacks stability or follow-through.
5 Freedom and Discipline
In the Positive: Uses multifaceted talents in a focused way; applies discipline to achieve independence.
In the Negative: Swings from extreme dependence to independence; scattered; tries to do too much; bluffs and pretends.
6 Vision and Acceptance
In the Positive: Sees the bigger picture; forgiving and patient; does excellent work without falling into perfectionism; accepts self and others.
In the Negative: Hypercritical; judges self and others against perfectionistic standards; lost in petty details.
7 Trust and Openness
In the Positive: Trusts innermost feelings; trusts others enough to open heart, take emotional risks, and share feelings.
In the Negative: Feels bitter, betrayed, paranoid; uses mind as shield; doesn’t trust self or others.
8 Abundance and Power
In the Positive: Enjoys abundance and influence without concern or abuse; shares blessings generously and wisely.
In the Negative: Afraid of, yet preoccupied with, issues of money, power, control, and recognition; sabotages self.
9 Integrity and Wisdom
In the Positive: Lives in alignment with higher principles; leads by example; manifests depth, charisma, and wisdom.
In the Negative: Has lost sight of higher purpose; feels lonely and cutoff; locked in the mind; out of touch with heart and intuitive guidance.
0 Inner Gifts
In the Positive: Uses gifts of sensitivity, strength, expressiveness, and intuition in service of others, for higher purpose.
In the Negative: Hypersensitive and nervous; stubborn; sarcastic, caustic expression; confused by internal feelings or intuitions.
Although no particular number has a monopoly on problems or potential, we can summarize typical or more common tendencies and qualities associated with each of the primary numbers. The tendencies can manifest for those with these digits anywhere in their birth number, but they manifest most powerfully for those individuals working the digit as a right-hand number or life purpose.
In some geographical areas in the world, in some hospitals, the actual date of the birth is unreliable.
To read the whole book online, you can find it the paid subscribers’ area of my site or get it on Amazon, https://www.amazon.com/gp/offer-listing/091581160X.
If you know your soul correction, here are a few, name and number:
23 Sharing the Flame
25 Speak Your Mind
26 Order from Chaos
27 Silent Partner
28 Soul Mate
29 Removing Hatred
30 Building Bridges
31 Finish What you Start
33 Revealing the Dark Side
34 Forget Thyself
35 Sexual Energy
37 The Big Picture
39 Diamond in the Rough
You, your self, is perfect. Nothing missing, whole and complete.
But life seems to tell you that who you are is not enough, not this enough, not that enough. So you decide to change. But of course every change is inauthentic. It is trying to fix what wasn’t ever wrong.
The more life tells you that you are not enough, the more patches you make up, and the further you go from who you really are, the more inauthentic you become.
To your utter surprise, none of the fixes made you more loved, more accepted, more respected, more wanted… often the exact opposite is true.
But you have been those fixes for a long long times. We call those fixes your persona, or identity if you prefer that word.
In my experience, limited as it may be, the path to returning to your true self takes three steps: all three are hard.
- Step 1: embracing that you are not that… that you made it up to fix something
- Step 2: finding the original incident and working on it, looking at it through different distinctions, until the wrong disappears. Completely.
- Step 3: consider acting now consistent with the real self… Slow is the game.
One of my fixes was to become an eager beaver, no one needs to worry about me, I am weightless, I am a take charge of type of person, I can do anything and everything, and an eager learner if you teach me.
A veritable straitjacket. Why? because every time I am like that it makes it even more obvious that there is something really wrong with me, that I am not worth carrying, teaching, taking anywhere, loving… anything. I am worthless. Garbage. A throwaway. I am already crying. Painful.
This is why it took me three years to ask my landlord to fix a leaking toilet… I pay for water. It took me seven years to ask for a new stove that had only one burner working all those seven years, etc.
Most of my students would never ask ME for anything…
The moment I identified the incident, the words, all the fallout, I started to change. Will I ever be ‘normal’ in this regard? Maybe. But even just a little bit of normalization is very welcome.
If you made up a conceited persona to fix some failure to be enough, I am certain it was trying to fix something that wasn’t wrong, wasn’t true in the first place. You may call it cocky, but it’s the same thing. It likely covers up an early incident when you were not a match to life, you were not a match to what you were sure you could ace.
‘So what? It doesn’t mean anything about me‘ would have been the normal and healthy reaction. And it still is. You know what you know, and you don’t know what you don’t know. Nothing wrong with either…
But you felt it was wrong… and therefore you have been trying to fix it.
It’s wicked difficult to change your mind and your attitude, but your family, your friends will love you for it.
Your pretense self is hard to live with…
I teach this and many other invisibles in my hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of videos and audios.
I just found my 2014 Playground program that I want to offer to you for sale.
If you buy it before Friday February 21, midnight, I’ll throw in another two programs, Happiness, and Skill-Finder.
But you have to buy it before the deadline.
Go to step 2