What you don’t want to look at…

My first suspicion came when I noticed that leaders, people who ‘selflessly’ gave of their time to the organization, died, left and right, of cancer.

Kabbalah says that certain diseases are opportunistic, like the Dark Side, they enter your body on cracks between who you claim you are, and who you really are… the space between you and you.

Even little kids have that…

You are fed by your mother. You choke on the food. Your mother doesn’t know how to help you. You don’t die. Your parents rejoice and hug you and kiss you.

Normally they don’t express feelings, but this trick did it… so you ‘invent’ for yourself a new way to be: don’t do anything. don’t say anything. Don’t cry… and then it will go away and the praise, the kisses will come.

Eventually you are a grown person, having had tens of incidents and experiences when it didn’t work, when it only bought you grief and humiliation, incidents of sexual attacks, inappropriate touch, and some maybe even more painful… but in your little mind that hasn’t moved from the choking incident, you tell yourself: the kisses and the reward are surely coming…

If it weren’t tragic, I would laugh. It’s ridiculous and sad.

We all have little or big rituals to make what we want happen… and we never learn that just because it happened once, it is not proof that what made the thing happen was the ritual.

You need to learn new things… you need to be moving with life, but it seems human nature to get stuck in behaviors that didn’t change since we were little.

I spent a few minutes in the warm cocoon of my bed this morning. It was 47 degrees in the room, and it was toasty under the covers… A used the time to look why it so disgusts me, why it so angers me, why I am so irate at the student who would bear anything… like a saint. Why it bothers me so much.

You see, when I deal with people I always have a choice to deal with their real self, the beautiful person, or the made-up self: the one they present to me. But when the gap is too wide, when the ‘Dark Side’ can move in effortlessly, they I almost don’t have a choice, I can’t get past the ugliness of the made-up self, and I get angry. Not just frustrated: angry.

I feel powerless in the face of all that pretense.

Some students take the guidance, others value the ‘status quo’, what their persona buys for them higher: even though they suffer.

Why do they suffer? Yes, that is a really good question.

Whether it is soul, whether it’s the god part of you, whether it’s Life… but when you are off the path, the strait and narrow path, that part of you makes you feel pain, makes you feel uncomfortable, and eventually that part of you makes you utterly miserable.

That pretense, that persona does another thing too: it anchors you at a low level of vibration. Why? Because it seems to have a desire to pass undetected, and from the higher elevation of higher consciousness, higher vibration, it would be seen clearly.

In the ‘vocabulary’ of Life, there is no wrong. There are things, actions, attitudes that are Life-affirming, and there are things, actions, attitudes that are counter to Life…

Not taking care of yourself, expecting others to give it to you are attitudes, are behaviors counter to Life.

Our little hero didn’t even attempt to take care of himself. He didn’t even cough… He was waiting to be rescued.

This, by the way indicates to me, that this was not the originating incident… that there was something even earlier… where the child was saved… so now the child was waiting to confirm his theory: if I do nothing I’ll be saved. And unfortunately to him, he was. Not just saved, but momentarily cherished.

And thus was born the ugly persona… the saintly, quietly suffering persona who won’t take care of himself, won’t have true, authentic expression, a fake paper mache machine.

I have been trying to wake him up, in vain. No interest in becoming real.

The evil, Kabbalah’s definition, is desire to receive for the self alone. That excludes other people, work, company, and Life itself.

I remember a session in Landmark where they asked a man to come to the front of the room, and publicly chastised him for being someone who trampled on Life. Who was the kind of person(a) that the grass didn’t grow where he stepped.

I remember not understanding: to the naked eye, there was nothing wrong with the dude… But I was probably just blind.

As I have said countless times, reading fiction, yes, FICTION, is of tremendous value to me. Fiction gives me the experience I can’t have… either because I don’t have the opportunity, the strength, the time, or the opportunity I wouldn’t quite want…

I don’t know who said this, but experience is the most expensive teacher. The smart one works from other people’s experiences. Experiences, it says, not from what they concluded from the experience.

The map is not the territory. Another’s experience is not your experience, unless it is conveyed that you actually experience what they experienced yourself.

Talking about flying isn’t. But there are people who can write about them flying in a way that you experience flying, exhilarating and frightening at the same time.

That is why I read fiction. Good fiction, mind you.

Non-fiction is something I dutifully chew myself through: no experience, only talking about stuff.

I have a knack of finding fiction that teaches me exactly what I need. Although I have been looking for the experience of evil for a long time: it is hard to come by: even fiction writers are squeamish, to my chagrin.

But not every fiction writer…

I have a marketing teacher who also writes fiction. He grew up on comic books. He is slight, he is short, maybe he is even timid. Maybe he was bullied. He is a loner. And he knows more about the inner workings of evil without being evil himself, than anyone I know.

So I am reading his seven volume Enoch Wars series, and learn about the INNER workings of evil.

Why? Why don’t I read about nice-nice, heroism, and other politically correct things? Because you do. You were taught to raise your face to the light and the darkness will recede… Maybe the outside darkness, but the inside darkness loves it… when you ‘raise your face to the light’ the inner darkness grows because it is unchecked.

When those ‘leaders’ found transformation, they clearly meant: transformation for others… not for themselves

I wasn’t an exception, by the way. When I did my first communication course, back in 1985, my yearning was to be one of those people serving the students.

Luckily I have evolved from that ‘evil’ thought, and started to use volunteering, teaching, everything to reveal to me MY DARK SIDE, over the 35 years since then.

But most people who started with the thought of wanting to ‘help’ didn’t do that: instead they used ‘helping’ as a strategy to avoid looking at themselves and their dark side.

And disproportionate number of them has been dying of cancer, one of the opportunistic diseases I mentioned above.

So, obviously, one of the most important ‘assignments’ I have from Source is to remove the space between students’ self and persona, so they can be well, happy, fulfilled, free and productive in the world. that their children can grow up without a controlling parent. That they don’t get upset nearly every time they have a conversation.

That they can receive feedback as guidance, not as someone’s attempt to beat them up, make them wrong, attack them, or such.

Obviously even for my best students it takes at least a year of continuous study.

But it’s possible.

I only have one course that is live, right now, although there are three others in the pipeline… they are just not ready yet.

If you want to do live work with me at the fraction of the cost and multiple of power, the best bet you can have is the Playground. The LIVE course.

It’s hard, but it’s effective. It requires, on average, 2 hours a week actual engagement, so in that regard it is not intense, although emotionally it IS intense.

If you are interested, you’ll need to have a conversation with me, so I can see if you are up for it… or most likely NOT.

I do not offer free private evaluation sessions, so you have the next best choice: come to one of my free What’s the truth about you workshops, and there I’ll pay special attention to you… to see if you can be a Playground student.

Here is the way to register:


Go to step 2
The workshop is free, but it is, in the right person, is worth hundreds of dollars. Are you that kind of person?
.
.
.
.
Subscribe to blog notifications.
You'll get a digest email every Sunday... you can email me to upgrade to daily.

Author: Sophie Benshitta Maven

True empath, award winning architect, magazine publisher, transformational and spiritual coach and teacher, self declared Avatar

2 thoughts on “What you don’t want to look at…”

  1. I appreciate you for writing this article.. Accurate, piercing. Tears flow down each time I read it. I can see my Evil more now. See you in playground. Thank you..

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.