Guilt, shame, and panacea

Here is something that we can all learn from. It happened to me. When? Today.

I have ordered a portable washing machine, apartment size, and it was due today by Fedex. I left a note on the door downstairs asking the Fedex person to bring it upstairs: with my broken heart I didn’t see myself dragging it up to the second floor.

The Fedex person delivered it and left it before the door of the house… in fact he or she sneaked up to the house: I didn’t even hear the truck… OK… I didn’t hear the truck… the rest: I made it up. Oops.

There I was with this big bulky box… outside on the stoop.

I saw a woman across the street walking her dog. I knew that her husband did work for some neighbors, so I shouted across the street, and asked her if I could hire her husband for this.

She said her husband was busy… but she would ask.

How will I know, I asked… can I come with you?

So I left the house open, and walked with her and her dog to her house… and turned out she decided that she was going to help me. And she did… brilliant.

And when I asked her what i owed her, she said ‘nothing’. And I said: ‘you have a friend for life’ and I meant it.

Now, this story may be normal to you, but it isn’t normal to me…

I have a hard time asking for favors… don’t ask… childhood abuse I haven’t gotten over yet.

So what made me able to do it?

As I was not able to work, or do anything, I somehow thought of some of the shameful things I have done in my life, and I asked the question: would I live my life differently if I had a chance to live it over again? And my answer was sincere regret and a yes.

There is something to regret and repentance: it is like a commitment to never do it again. It cleanses. It makes the two selves come closer again. And that is what I think helped me to, uncharacteristically, ask for help.

We all do unsavory things. And when you can own it, and commit never to do it again, you get free from it.

I lived in Israel for three and a half years in the early 80’s. Many people chose repentance (hozer be tshuva in Hebrew) and I could not understand the concept. Until today. It cleansed me. At least about the nasty stuff I thought of this afternoon as I was waiting for the Fedex delivery. Anything else I should repent? I don’t know. I feel good for now.

I have some students who have messed up a lot in their lives. Who have been selfish, only about themselves, angry, cold, distant… and now, that they can see it, in the sideways view, they go into depression about it.

In my humble opinion, the only good thing about Catholicism is their confession. You share the nasty, ugly, horrible stuff you did, and then you pay penance… and get panacea.

I am not a Catholic, not even a Christian. But taking responsibility for the stuff is as good or maybe even the same as confession.

You simply say what you did. Not blaming it on anything or anyone. You did THAT.

I did that.

I yelled at my child. I was angry. I only thought, I only cared about myself. I forced my child. I blamed my parent… etc. etc. etc.

No because… no therefore… just the facts. I gossiped about them… I blamed them… I sulked…

Instead of what some of my students do: descend into depression, guilt.

Guilt is the sign that you didn’t take responsibility.

Or sweep it under the rug, and try quickly do something different… nice-nice.

Take responsibility. It hurts but it frees you up.

Responsibility is you access, your door to personal power.

Feel powerless, act powerless? Clearly you haven’t taken responsibility.

This coming Wednesday, March 25 at 4 pm NY time I have one of my Talk to Me webinars. In the first few minutes I’ll teach how to be responsible… it seems no one really understands. Those who have done Landmark Education courses think it is enough to say so… the rest doesn’t even know that much…

So there is something you can at least start learning… so guilt, slothfulness, meekness, niceness, and pretense can melt away, and you can start becoming a person… That is what you want… isn’t it?

Go to … and register to be on my mailing list and register in the webinar.

I’ll have these as long as there is enough interest… most of us are shut in… and lack stimulation…

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Author: Sophie Benshitta Maven

True empath, award winning architect, magazine publisher, transformational and spiritual coach and teacher, self declared Avatar

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