If you ever wondered why you haven’t been accomplishing as much as you intend, wish, desire to accomplish, that quote should be your guide: Whenever there is a gap between your habits and your goals, your habits will always win.
What habits are we talking about? Interestingly, here, we are mostly interested in the how, instead of the what habits.
I have students who seemingly do the right things… but their results fall way behind what the effort would suggest.
The reason is in the how…
Some people’s how is “I know”, self-certainty. Whatever they touch turns into naught or sh*t, depending on the nature of the thing.
You can see their ‘how’ if you have eyes to see. They, themselves, can’t see it.
Here are a few examples:
- This person needs to be the smart one… or they are ‘worthless’, so they act as if they were smart, although their knowledge is missing, not necessarily the smarts. They never ask questions. They do the same things over and over, expecting a different result, even though if they asked, they could find out that they are barking up at the wrong tree.
- The opposite is the person who needs to be perfect… or they are ‘as good as dead’. So they ask a whole lot of questions, even though a lot of those questions they can answer with some research and some self-confidence.
- Another person says: If I am slow then I am not somebody… so they hurry… hurry around all the things an implementer, a truly successful person, a ‘somebody’ would do… and jump to the last step, and of course they fail.
- Yet another person say: I am valuable… look how many rocks I have carted away from our driveway… and look how tired I am… and are surprised that they don’t get valued for the wonderful person they are…
- Here is another ‘how’… needy. Needy and whiny… they almost always go together. Whatever they need or whine for or against doesn’t matter, it just needs to go the same way. You get what you get from life for your work, for your straight powerful requests, not because you need it, and not because you whine for it.
All these how’s were invented by an upset 2-3-4 year old child… barely reaching your knee in height.
And now you live out of those decisions.
If you are lucky like I was, you didn’t quite make a binding decision… you left a question a question.
When the ‘original incident’ happened, you weren’t sure, it wasn’t obvious why it happened. But because a little child is totally and absolutely self-referential, you ‘knew’ it was because of you. Because there was something wrong with you. That is the only way a child can see the world, even if later they become an Einstein or Mother Theresa.
Of course there was nothing wrong with you, things happen even if they are no one’s fault.
If you are the ‘jumping the gun’ type, you made a binding decision then and there.
I had all the possible ‘answers’ floating in the air, and didn’t commit to any of them.
This period when all the balls are still in the air, when the question is still a question, is called ‘wondering about’. the child spends time to ponder about what might be wrong with them, waiting for some other incident to decide it for them.
If you are impatient, you can’t allow the questions to remain questions… and you are screwed more than me… I have the patience of a rock… I have no need to make binding decisions without enough information. You do.
So when it came for me to do the work of the Playground, without the actual playground course… I went from one possible decision to the next and invalidated them.
My strongest guess was that I was stupid. That that was what was wrong with me.
I had good grades in school… others thought I was very smart… but it all didn’t matter.
But when I started to observe people who had what I wanted, I found that many of them were outright stupid, uneducated… And that many really smart people were really poor…
And I managed to invalidate smartness as important… It was like suddenly not having to carry a big load of “I have to be smart’ on my shoulders… and I could just be.
I did the same with ‘ugly’… with ‘dirty’, with ‘lovable’, ‘murderer’…
…until I became completely free to be myself, without any ‘I have to be blahblahblah’
And then I could start to look what the things I wanted to accomplish needed, and I provided both the how and the what…
And that is what I teach really in the Playground.
I don’t accept anyone in the Playground without first having an opportunity to watch them in action, see if their ‘how’ is going to be enough to get the tough work of the Playground.
If you are interested, my recommendation would be to buy the 53 invisibles… and cut your teeth on them.
But even before you do that: see if you have enough energy to do the work.
Get your starting point measurements and if you want, add your health measurements… and you’ll have a clear picture of where you are standing… what is missing for you to become someone who can change their ‘how’ to a more effective ‘how’ so you can have more of what you want and less of what you don’t.
Get your Starting Point Measurements
Frightening, if you ask me.