The courage to be yourself, your real self, your true self, the real you

your-true-selfI had an insight yesterday that was completely driven home today by my guidance system. You see, often we see something, and then it's gone, without it imparting the important learning in what we saw. It is such a frequent happening, that we don't even pay attention to it any more... we consider it normal that the insights disappear as fast as they appeared.

We see the learning from them only from the corner of our eyes, and who can control that... not many of us.

But if you have surrendered to be guided to the lessons you need to learn, like I have, you will be given another chance at seeing the same insight, but this time with a little more clarity, a little more reason why you should pay attention to it.

This article is the result of that.

And now, the article:

I have always been curious why so many people want to find out who they really are, so many people want to find their real selves, their true selves. I had no understanding, really, no compassion, really, until this insight was fully mine today.

Yesterday I got an email from the "oldest" student of mine: she has been there, continuously, from the beginning.

Here is our email exchange:

I-just-want-to-be-loved

She: Very often I recognize a feeling that I'm doing something wrong and recognize some connection to "I'll be caught because I'm doing something other (usually something I love to do) than what I'm supposed to do " - it takes me back to quite memories of age 6-7 (first-second grade) when many times my mom caught me playing instead of doing homework and she scolded me...

Me: what you want to recognize in that what is not yours (as you can see, my email style is cryptic: I don't want to create the insight, I just want a little bit of input so she can have the insight all on her own)

She: well... I'm not quite clear what you mean, so, let me see/check what I got from 'it is not yours':
it - the feeling - is not mine and I'm carrying it as my burden...
or: there is something else which IS mine and I don't see it... and the job is to find what it is?

Me: neither. the speaking is not yours. it is your mother's. what is underneath is the fear of not being loved if you do something that you want to do. that fear is fully and totally yours. but not the speaking

She: this sentence: 'what is underneath is the fear of not being loved if you do something that you want to do.' hit the target and hurts!

wanting-to-be-lovedThis conversation lead to an insight that being loved is the most important thing for a human, especially for a human child. Why? Because being loved assures that you are being fed, clothed, and protected, meaning, that you can survive. 1

Survival is the most important concern of humans that have stopped growing.

And when I say humans, I am including myself, although I have managed to transcend the concern. Transcending means growing beyond, above, getting bigger so the concern is now there on the bottom of the concerns instead of the topmost.

I have had three 3-year long periods in my life when I was in a relationship, and all three times the exact same thing happened: I tried to adjust myself to what I thought the partners wanted me to be. All three instances I tried to be less independent, less brilliant, less ambitious.

just-want-to-be-lovedAccording to my mother (I heard it from her friends, she never told me) I became a big gray rabbit... whatever that means. The essence is: I became not me.

And today, watching my guidance movie (from the Legend of Korra avatar series) I realized that it is universal to fashion ourselves after the perceived expectations of others, that wanting to survive can completely strip us of our individuality by becoming a slave to what we think others want us to be.

Back to my examples, all three, the love that was there in the beginning soon left. They stopped loving me, because I became different from the woman they fell in love with. And I stopped loving them, because they were my jail-keeper. 2

be your selfThe soul's imperative to walk your own walk, talk your own talk, to be your self is so strong, that it can make you bitter, angry, and miserable.

But, like with every choice, it is mostly unchoosing, and therein lies the problem.

You cannot build a self on the top of what's not you. It is an either this or that phenomenon, you cannot have your cake in trash it at the same time!

Until you start finding the "not you" and say no to it, you will never be able to get to the nothing that will allow for the emergence of the real you. And for a while you won't know who you are... you will be in the void. Unpleasant for most...

But if you want to have a chance for happiness, you need to say all those no-s, and keep on saying them until there is nothing left.

The two selves, the fake pretend self and the real self will never exist at the same time.

For some people they alternate: maddening and confusing. For others the number of fake selves is as high as the number of people they know.

lose-the-fake-to-find-the-realYou need to be willing to be nothing to get to the real self.

It's worth it.

The find your real self activator can help guiding you, if you are willing and ready to say thousands of no-s. If not, don't bother.

Footnotes

  1. It is important to note, that we don't actually want to be loved. Deep inside we KNOW that humans and even human beings cannot love unconditionally, and conditional love is poison. So we don't want to be loved, we want to survive... but we think it is called love... another subtle way society has brainwashed us. If and when you use, successfully the Unconditional Love Activator, preferable the Sleepy Time version that doesn't require you to be able to connect, you'll see the truth of this and the liberation that comes with it.
  2. In my relationship to you, my dear reader and my dear students, I have refused to morph into who you have been wanting me to be: savior, all-knowing, invincible, guru-type, etc.

    Some teachers that have originally had something to teach but had weaker commitment to live courageously as their real self, have not said no to your ideas of who they should be, and thus have taken on, as "their" truth, some of the weird ideas you have of the world, dimensions, spirits, psychopaths, aliens, reptilians, channeling, instant this and instant that.

    Some are struggling with split personality disorder as a result, and madness takes over. Your commitment to weird is boundless, and you will corrupt anyone who is willing to be corrupted... After all misery loves company. And then: you blame them.

    Now, put yourself in their place, and look at the world, look at your life, and see it for what it is: a house of mirrors. If you have the courage to see it and the horror of it, you'll get enough courage to say no to all those mirrors and get to the nothing where you can become your self again, your real self, your true self, the real you.

Author: Sophie Benshitta Maven

award winning architect, magazine publisher, transformational and spiritual coach and teacher, self declared Avatar

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