My first breakthrough in emotional intelligence came when a number of years ago I identified the emotion that curled down the corners of my mouth. It was familiar… and it was the first time I had words to wrap around the emotion: “I am personally offended.”
The key word there is ‘Personally’…
Of course, every time you are offended, you took something personally, as if it happened to you, as if it were directed to you, personally.
Rarely, if anything, is directed at you personally.
In fact the offending party is so wrapped up in their own ‘stuff’ that they scarcely took notice of you… at all.
Now, I admit I have never met anyone who had enough intelligence to catch this ‘personally’ part with or without help.
In fact something happened today that made me tell this story.
As I am re-tooling to create a new principle based foundation for my business, I let go of a participant who just wasn’t a good match to this new foundation…
So I cancelled this person’s accounts, refunded some payments unrelated to the Playground, while he was fuming, carrying on.
He emailed a demand that workshops that he participated in should not be shared with anyone who wasn’t on the same recordings as him.
Here is my question to you, my dear reader. Can you distinguish the attitude this demand comes from?
If you do, I have a valuable gift for you. I won’t say what, but it will be worth at least 50 bucks.
Please put your assessment into the comment box… I am eagerly awaiting the answers.
PS: Emotional intelligence is… surprisingly, finding the words YOU SAY in your head, that create the emotion.
You have no control over your emotions beyond controlling your words. Those you can control. But only if you know what they are.
You can live your whole life never identifying your dark side, never identifying how you try to get more than is your due, how you try to rob other people of what is theirs, dignity, rights, power.
You can do identify and take responsibility for your attitude only if and when you can accurately identify the words.
I habitually let go of people who either can’t or won’t.
- Envy says: I want what you have and I’d rather that you don’t have it, only me.
- Jealousy says the same.
- Superiority says: I am better than you, you are dirt, and you better submit to me.
- Arrogance says: I am going to toot my own horn because that is all I have…
Of course your words are most likely different. The important thing is that you identify the words, accurately, verbatim, and then meditate over that, over what kind of person would say that.
If it is not something you would want to put on loudspeaker, then stop staying that in your head.
Re-evaluate your relationships to the truth, to work, to yourself, to others.
Work on it.
Emotional intelligence is the number one reason why you are not liked, not wanted, not happy.
I have a number of students who need to listen in and be mortified at the stuff they say in their heads.
Some start to say those things even in their interactions… I can feel it. That is why being an empath is useful in my work.
If they continue saying those things, in their heads, of course, I let them go.
Why? The moment you feel superior to your teacher, is the moment when you stop being trainable.
My soul correction is ‘Forget Thyself’, the ultimate arrogant soul correction. so I have been fighting this all my life… I had to take it to mastery, because it made me so alone, and so miserable.
7% arrogance remained, and I endeavor catching them all…
Superiority and arrogance dress up in righteousness… so it is hard sometimes to identify them as such… after all you are right about something. But catching it is mandatory if you want to be happy, moving, growing, and live a great life.
In the Feel your Feelings workshop we spent almost all our time ferreting out the words of your self-damaging, happiness-killing attitudes.
You can learn about these even just listening to the recordings of the five sessions.
I am in the process to adding these recordings to the mobile app… You’ll be notified and admitted when I am done with that.
For the next five days, until Monday midnight, you can get a discount on this course… and you can even pay in two payments… USE coupon code FEELINGS to get the discount.
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