- The best revenge is to be unlike him who performed the injury.
- If you spend your time hoping someone will suffer the consequences for what they did to your heart, then you’re allowing them to hurt you a second time in your mind.
- Revenge, the sweetest morsel to the mouth that ever was cooked in hell.
Until yesterday, somewhat arrogantly, I believed that I was unique in that I am vengeful… in my deepest soul. That I want the perpetrators, who disregarded me, dissed me, didn’t give me what I wanted, hurt me, didn’t help me, hurt my stuff… I want them to suffer. I want them to know that there is a price to pay for hurting ME.
I have never knowingly acted on any of my revenge fantasies, and yet I experienced first hand that I took the poison I meant for them myself, hoping that they would suffer. They didn’t. I did. The vibration of vengefulness is 70.You are probably laughing, but don’t… instead look look at yourself.
Because I was so clear and sure that I was alone, I never really taught this to my students… and when I did… they all became like ‘holy shit!’
We are all wired the same way, and we all do the same thing: we avenge the real or imagined wrongs perpetrated against us. Either by hurting ourselves, or hurting others.
It’s unconscious, I say… at least it was completely unconscious and involuntary for me.
Who you hurt will depend on your sanity, and emotional maturity.
If you are a psychopath or a sociopath, you’ll hurt others. You’ll perform what you experienced yourself over and over on some unsuspecting others… killing, torture, whatnot. Exaggerated, of course.
Famous serial killers come to mind.
But when you look carefully and without trying to protect your fragile ego, without justifying yourself, you’ll see that you do the same, just your criminal actions are mostly bloodless… or if they weren’t, it would be your blood that is let.
How does it work?
There seems to be a universal desire to repeat traumatic events hoping for a different outcome.
Is that a glitch in the human mind? No, I think it is the ‘normal’ for the human mind… As you know I am not a fan of the mind, the tiny busy cave you drag everything into, the cave where you live a large portion of your life in… unaware and unconcerned that there is a reality out there.
Neither animals, nor the next evolutionary version of humanity will do that… have that. But…
…homo sapiens seems to live their lives slave to the mind.
Revenge is a mind thing.
The mind says that a wrong can be fixed with another wrong. That if you hurt me, me hurting YOU will make it better. It will fix it.
Unfortunately for homo sapiens, reality, human experience doesn’t play out that way.
In fact the saying “An eye for an eye will only make the whole world blind.” is the current reality of humanity.
So when you, for example, punish your parents for how they treated you, you use yourself to hurt, and you do, you create two unhappy people, yourself and them.
Somewhere in biblical times, some wise man said: The best revenge is living well.
Let’s turn that onto its head. In this upside down example you are the perpetrator, and you CONSCIOUSLY and intentionally hurt someone, like a spouse, a lover, because they ‘deserve it’. You expect them to be crushed, and you can taste the satisfaction of sweet revenge in your mouth… but the sweet taste doesn’t come.
They go and find another bloke or woman, and live happily ever after.
Do you feel bitter? Hell yeah.
The bastard didn’t even give you the courtesy to suffer!
Who you hurt is yourself. And you continue to do so until you get that things are NOT connected, that events are independent, and after all those years of being a 3-year old, maybe it is time to grow up.
What?! 3-year old?
Yeah. In a 3-year old’s mind, you and him/her are connected organically. You are an extension of them, like their arm or leg… and they willy nilly hurt themselves to hurt you.
And because it doesn’t work, they repeat it, infinitely, unless they manage, somehow, to escape the mind of the 3-year old.
This is what is called maturing emotionally.
All emotions come, all emotions are triggered by words. The more you know that, the looser the connection becomes between your 3-year old and you.
The strongest emotions you experience come from the words of a 3-year old.
When we do a digging session in one of my workshops, I use that to identify the words accurately by gauging your emotions, which I feel… being a true empath.
This is very important, because the mind wants to hide it. Why? I don’t know. It seems that the mind is really only interested in running the movie script over and over again, and when you get conscious of it, you can take charge, your consciousness can take charge, but only if and when you are willing to give up revenge.
Not everyone is willing. Or maybe not everyone is willing to see? I am not sure. This is the main difference between people… what they are willing to see.
Two in my Growth course group of seven can see it, or at least has gotten a glimpse. We shall see if their actions will change as a result… only time can tell.
When you can see it, and allow consciousness to take over your actions, instead of the mind/revenge/repetition, everyone will notice it, because it will be obvious.
Five of the seven can see it, maybe, intellectually, but the hold of the mind is still very strong there.
I will not schedule the Instant Coherence Solution workshop until all seven can see it.
The next phase is relatively easy. I teach that in the Instant Coherence Solution workshop, and could, maybe can teach it in specific areas eventually, like money, relationships, health, etc. I don’t know if I will… we shall see. I know where I am going, but I am not sure what I’ll do on the way…
But all of those areas can only be taught effectively to people who are emotionally mature, who don’t live their lives to prove their parents wrong, society wrong, anything wrong
All the political campaigns for women, for black lives, for everything people campaign for have wrong in their core, and are the behavior equivalent, the emotional equivalent of revenge on the parents.
And thus they all cause poisoning others or poisoning oneself as a fix. They are not a fight FOR something, they are a fight AGAINST something…
In the Digging workshops that I am planning for everyone who want to be in the Instant Coherence Solutions workshop, we weed out all the AGAINST stuff, and we invent powerful, life-affirming FOR for the participants and for the world.
If you can’t see that – for example – Black Lives Matter is an AGAINST campaign squarely based in wrong, then you are probably not a prospect for my programs, don’t even bother if you can’t even imagine changing your mind about it.
One of the first things I did in my own growth is gave up viewing antisemitism as something to fix, fix it because it’s wrong. I am a Jew, and I grew up without relatives, because they all perished in the Holocaust.
I remember fantasizing about revenge… for decades.
I also gave up saying that Hitler and his party, his henchmen, his country was wrong. That took a long time, but I succeeded. I still have some work to do there: every time a person from Germany wants me to do something for them, I have to overcome my 3-year old, and the mind whispering: they did it!
Anyway, this article is getting very very long.
What should you do if you had enough from living a sub-standard (according to your standards not mine!) life, if you are not happy, not fulfilled, and would like to be.
I am going to do a series (hopefully) of digging workshops where we are looking for your 3-year old’s grievances, and look to complete the past.
Complete means: nothing missing, nothing to fix, nothing wrong… It’s a technical term. Not finished… but complete.
I am making the Digging webinars dirt cheap so you can do it over and over again… that is what it may take to get to the ‘original wrong’.
If you register, be prepared that I’ll muscle test if you have enough energy to do the work. If not, I’ll probably won’t take you… and refund your money instead.
Get into the digging webinar
PS: Tomorrow I’ll write about why, even after you had a insight, you may not accept it, and get out of your rut.