My day started with an email that I got a comment on one of my old articles on Access Consciousness.
The modality taught by two good looking dudes, and frequented mostly by women.
The comment writer reports on her experience being groomed for being a sex object in the sex cult…
I felt her anguish (don’t forget I am a freaking empath… )
I muscle tested to be sure: she wasn’t lying.
Of course I should have thought that being considered a sex object, like a dildo, like a sex-doll is part of the objects-among-objects level of consciusness.. but I didn’t… I wept. In my long life every single sexual encounter was like that. I felt like a dildo… And having become too old to be used is a relief for me. I can be a person now.
I approved the comment, I looked in Google, and I was stunned to see that such accusations have been around at least eight years…
OK, time to wipe my eyes, and do my job… Cause a world where you can be a person… Cause a world where you treat others as a person…
So I read emails from my Validation Challenge.
Validation, if you know what the heck you are talking about, validation is seeing, recognizing value. Usefulness value (extrinsic) or Inner value (intrinisic) are the values we want to start seeing. Seeing them as values… value as precious…
I have turned on the capacity to see value for every participant, and for my Growth Course students, in addition, turned on the capacity to see the interaction from the side… an additional capacity.
Here are the emails from my mailbox this morning:
Sophie, thank you so much for the thingness/beingness article and posting Miko’s email. It definitely made it clearer for me what I am looking at. I really want to commit becoming a being and not a thing. I have spent few days looking at how to see myself how not to be a thing and how to remove myself and see the other. Apparently still stuck somewhere because my numbers still high so not seeing something.
I have done an experiment yesterday asking future self to help me see. A friend of mine few days ago after a conversation in writing told me ” after so many months you still don’t know me.” It was like a stab. How? What did I miss?
So yesterday I asked my future self to help me see what it is that he wants me to see and I don’t. And then after looking I saw. Then I wrote to him. He was dumbfounded. He asked me “how did you find out and so exact?” To be honest looking back I wouldn’t have ever guessed on my own. I am not sure if I can ask future self to help me see about the other but I really believe it worked.
So I’ve asked future self today to help me see how I can become a person and how I can see others as a person. I am not quite sure if that’s the way to do it. I am still learning about it…
So it’s seeing them, no agenda, no right or wrong, no judgement, comparison, no words…just seeing something in them I never saw or noticed before. Wanting nothing, needing nothing… OK. Easier to say it but much harder to see it and live it.
So I am going to practice to step out and look at myself sideways…what am I doing that I am reduced to an object…
Thank you Sophie for teaching this.
I haven’t answered yet… I am stunned that she could connect to her Future Self… but maybe I shouldn’t… Just that the participants in my Future Self Course are not quite there… and she isn’t in the course…
Well, we shall see if she can look the way the Future Self suggested… her numbers will certainly show the truth. Because KNOWING what to do doesn’t cause BEINGNESS…
Here is another email:
I have a question.. if someone is being inflammatory.. is allowing them the space to express their “negative” emotions validating? Or said otherwise, witnessing who they are being without judgement. Can silent witnessing be validation?
My answer: yes. I have a friend just like that… and I allow her… to a certain point… to vent, to rant, say really ugly evil untrue things, and when I reach my ability to remain a person, I say: I have to go…
Really good question. You have come a long way. congratulations.
I had a long conversation with one of my students.
She was the frontrunner of my Growth Course, until we came to this ‘seeing others as a person’ stumbling block.
In our call I encouraged her to not make herself wrong. To not try to be who she isn’t.
To fully give herself permission to be… however she is.
She can see people as useful… and uses them by making herself appear more than she is.
An issue comes in, when your mind and your base nature conflict.
She has been trying to be good all her life… while she is a user. Not evil user, but user nevertheless.
It has made her ill.. and still does. And will, if she continues trying to be someone who she isn’t.
I gave her permission to be who she is… and stop pretending.
My theory is that when you embrace, not just accept but literally embrace, love, who you are that you consider bad or wrong, you give yourself permission to be one. You take away the distance between your identity and your Self, your physical self who does things in the world, and your soul.
I did that some 24 years ago when I embraced that I am stupid. Hasty, jumping jack, impulsive, never look twice stupid. Making trouble, insulting, inconsiderate, and accident prone. Stupid.
And my spiritual growth began with that.
That embracing, that I actually did, physically, with my pillow, and later hugging myself, started to remove this hatred between my two selves, and united the ‘twin selves’, separated at birth.
I started to see glimpses of personness, I started to have occasional compassion, for myself and others, and not be so darn quick, not be so hasty in proving how smart I am.
This is a theory… I have been teaching this, but haven’t gotten any real feedback that it works for others.
This student may become the first person, if she does. When she does.
She wrote to me this morning:
Thank you so much. So very, very much.
( LOVE H. For me, LOVE means you are a good and useful object. LOL…the closest I can get for love at this time)
You see that she is not a bad person… lol.
OK, I thought this is it… but I got yet another email that begs to be made public.
The learning from it is tremendous, so read it, and I’ll add in the end what is ‘not personal’ and is a huge learning.
Here is the email or most of it:
I visited my parents yesterday, and saw a couple of things. I had glimpses of seeing them as persons throughout the evening, but I noticed it was generally harder to do with my mother. I had a long conversation with her, and I could feel the tension in me, still going back and forth between seeing her as a person when I remembered to look, and seeing her as an object, whenever something she said rubbed me the wrong way for some reason.
In the latter case, it seems like it’s been a kind of self-righteousness on my part… and not allowing for whatever is said to just be there. Turns out that it brought me to the systemic value perspective, thinking that what I thought was right has to be fought for or defended. Thus valuing the systemic over the intrinsic. And not realizing that every system of rules, thoughts, views, etc. is limited, arbitrary and made up – by myself in this case. Whenever I could let that go, there was a subtle sense of relief.
At some point I shared about some of this with my mother, too: about the levels of value, and different ways of looking. As we were talking, I saw that ‘having to win at everything’, which in the past came up as the core of my ITCH, is all about systemic values, it all plays out on that plane, so to speak. And it has almost always been I who makes up the ‘system’ or the ‘game’, or at least accepts the rules… and then pretends that I’m powerless about it, playing the victim.
For example: as I’ve been reading Hartman’s book on my Kindle, I highlighted a sentence for future reference. But I accidentally also highlighted the beginning of the next sentence, and the immediate, automatic impulse said to fix it. So it seems like it must have come from a systemic view: it’s GOOD when it’s perfect or when there are no mistakes (according to my own invented system of rules), and it’s BAD when it’s not. But who the f*** cares? Looking from the extrinsic level, it doesn’t make absolutely any difference if I correct it. In fact, it is even a disvalue, since it costs me time and attention.
So to me this is one illustration of how seeing different kinds of value can get you unstuck, and ultimately lead to a different life. I’ve got more examples, less trivial ones, too, but ultimately the mechanism is the same. Also, it seems like this connects really well with the ‘nothing wrong’ capacity… so I can see, Sophie, why you once said having it activated together with The Sight was a good idea.
What is significant in what Miko, the person who wrote the email, noticed is that as long as there is agreement, the relationship looks like two people talking from the side.
But as soon as one of them DARES to have a different opinion, a different self-interest, a different anything, the thingness kicks in, and you can now see object among objects behavior… fighting, argument, possessiveness, forcing, or withdrawing, takeaway.
In the world view of ‘I am an object among objects” there is no means to allow another to be different, other than becoming a doormat, lose self-dignity, and all power.
Yesterday I was on a webinar with 21 other people in my coaching program.
For a while it was OK, we were shown something that was useful. But at about the hour mark it got, for me, ugly. It sounded like all 21 on the other side of the wide divide of the elections, and what is right and what is wrong… It took all I got to stay on the call, to be there for the learning, and not mire myself in hatred. Really.
Like my student who asked: if someone is being inflammatory.. is allowing them the space to express their “negative” emotions validating? That is the real test. Can you remain a person and allow them to be a person when they don’t agree with you?
I myself failed 70% last night.
Only when you grant beingness to another that you are a person yourself. And granting beingness to someone who seems to you like an evildoer is … ahem… hard.
If you want to find out what is the trigger that makes you a ‘thing’ 100% of the time, you may want to check out the ITCH workshop recordings.
And you can also try to get the ‘What’s the truth about you’ workshop?
I have a lot of workshops. I think the most dramatic is the 3 wishes workshop. It is also suitable for beginners and advanced people alike… You’ll see something that you have never seen before.
The difference between the two groups, beginner and advanced is what you’ll do with the information the exercise drives up. Really.
But whatever you do with it is all good…
Here is the link to sign up… once there are enough people, I’ll set a date… most likely on a Saturday.
Sign up to the 3 wishes workshop
And if you have it in you, how you can be done with it, once and for all… so you don’t have to.
I had a man in the last “3-wishes’ course. He participated, for decades, in transformational programs… and yet he saw what was driving him like a carrot all these years. Priceless, if you ask me.
My item was ‘freedom’. I was in my third country, and I didn’t know that I was pursuing freedom… in vain. Freedom was lacking inside… so much, I could not see that anyone was free. Not my parents, not my brothers, not my ‘leaders’, not famous people… I could only see slavery.
I did the practice I will recommend to you at the workshop, and rid myself from the nagging need to make myself free… and fall for everything that promised to make me free.
Yeah… that is what is possible for you in that workshop.
If this sounds like you would like, and if this is the right time…. here is, again, the link to sign up.
Sign up to the 3 wishes workshop
My teacher’s missing item is ‘decency’. His political views, his extreme view of the worlds is because he cannot see decency anywhere…
My heart goes out for him… and that allows me to learn from him, and allow the ugly…
If you need me to ‘sell’ you further… or for any other reason really, come to the Office Hours call today, Monday at 4 pm, or Thursday at 1 pm, New York time. And yes, the link is fixed.