Yesterday a one-time student came on the call, and asked a question that imitated me. Or better said: I got irritated.
When a question lacks context, the answer either going to be totally unrelated… or not forthcoming.
I have a coach who doesn’t demand that the questioner sets the stage, shows the big picture, inside which the question makes sense. He guesses and quickly answers, I can feel, from whatever he made up… not what the real question would be.
So my irritation was mainly due to considering the question a setup, to make me look foolish.
In the end I was humbled. And the real question that could have been asked to begin with is a really good question, and I bet billions of people have on their mind:
How do you do something useful with your time, when the have-to’s, like a job, the have-to’s, like children need to be taken care of, when the have-to’s, like I need to prepare for a talk, a performance, a test, aren’t there.
My hunch is that a lot of people have ended up losing their have-to’s, and now are just wondering how to bring sense back into their lives… like this student.
If you have always lived with restrictions, this change is not good news. Just like retirement is not good news for many men, so they die instead…
She asked the right question, in a way, but without the context I couldn’t hear it.
She asked: how do I put structure into my life?
Because all those obligations, whether you like them or not, are structure. To grow, to enjoy life, to create a life you can love, you need to be given, or you need to manufacture structures: it seems that every living being needs structures inside which they can have a good life.
I know, I know, you want to be free… but freedom is really recognizing your limitations, and become free inside them.
It’s possible… but you are fighting the limitations so vehemently, that you don’t have time, or brain cells to actually enjoy living inside the limitation. You bang yourself up, sometimes bloody, to escape.
But recidivism should point to something very important: most criminals when they are released, they feel lost, aimless, and crave the orderliness, the purposefulness of their incarceration.
Weird but true.
So how do you create structures yourself, so you can be all you can be, so you can live the best life, inside those structures?
Let’s start with the most important thing: life, by itself, is empty and meaningless. Which means that unless you give your life meaning it has none…
So start with that… Invent a meaning for your life.
Unless you do that, nothing that you do will matter much… All things happen to you, for you, inside that meaning. If possible, make it a trajectory. A trajectory is like a path… from where you are to some future destination.
- Become the best I can become
- Make it something that doesn’t end when your children leave the next. My mother had meaning until her three kids left home… and then her life collapsed.
- Also make something you probably can’t fully accomplish… because when you do, suddenly you won’t have a meaning.
- Also, don’t make it something that until you get there, it is just a carrot hanging out.
A student of mine has been saying: I want to be a businessman… yet, in his daily business, he has no interest BEING a businessman… look for the hidden meaning and bring that to light.
I once invented: I want to be someone worth writing about. Today, tomorrow, and also in 10 years…
I invent, or could have invented, that I bring meaning, substance, and fun to conversations I participate in… and then I live that way… every day, and be that.
People know me as that. I get thanked at least once a day for that… yeah… it is a ‘somewhat’ structure.
Inside that I can do almost anything other than waste my life… or theirs.
Inside that you can set out to do certain things with some regularity… take a job, learn a profession, open a business, or take an existing business to new heights.
It is silly to ask me to give you more structure… if I give you anything, you may use it the fill your life… and not to deliver on your meaning.
When you are sure, make certain that you don’t forget the meaning that you invented… tell people, put up reminders, etc.
If you want your Future Self’s help with this
If you want your Future Self’s help with this, with finally starting a life that leads to someplace where you want to be… you’ll love the Learn to get guidance from your Future Self workshop.
You can buy one, and you can buy to pay as you go. You can cancel any time.
It’s an approximately 2 hour long workshop, with around seven participants, with me as your interpreter and instructor… I am a true empath, and I’ll connect to your Future Self when you do, and will get the guidance that will, probably, come wordlessly…
And I can help you interpret the guidance… it is never too obvious what it is… it’s a lot like the Oracle of Delphi… every oracle given by the Oracle of Delphi was a response or message, typically ambiguous or obscure.
Ambiguous and obscure means: they can be interpreted this way or that… so having an interpreter who knows you, believes in you is the best idea to glean a meaning from the oracle that will move you in the right direction.
Get guidance from your future self