Also the degree you have to, need to, want to or should do things have things, be things depends on…
also to the degree you feel that other people’s expectations of you are important, should be complied with, measure up to, also depend on…
To the degree you react to your environment, try to be smart, right, agile, win, dominate, avoid domination, or avoid responsibility… to the degree you try to look good… these all depend on…
…they all depend on to what degree you are a person. For yourself.
And expecting someone else bestow personness on you is a fool’s wish: even when they do you act, react, get offended, attack as always.
So the missing piece for peace, for a live well lived, is bestowing personness on yourself.
We could also say that it is a fight between scarcity and abundance.
Billions of people try to be in abundance, hoping that plenty will bestow abundance on them, in vain. If not one thing feels missing then the other. Something is not enough… they are not thin enough, they are not something enough.
Scarcity in the midst of abundance.
Abundance only becomes yours, you become abundant, when you bestow personness on yourself.
My own personal way of screwing myself out of abundance was considering solutions only if and when they were elegant.
I even have a mug, a student of mine gifted me with back is 2011, saying “I am elegant’.
Of course he didn’t understand that everything including myself had to be elegant. Simple, flowing, and elegant.
I didn’t realize that I was trying to measure everything and everyone with the same yardstick: elegance. And allowed for nothing less.
I lost in life more often than I won. I was opinionated. I obsessed over solutions to everything. I was an unhappy sob… because I never really measured up.
I caught myself while playing Freecell, rejecting solutions that were fine but not elegant… and lost the games. I even wrote an article about this discovery… and life changed for me in that moment.
And I did that in each and every endeavor I engaged in, and if you know me, I have had many. Many over many decades.
When I fell for ‘elegant solution is a solution only’, I failed. When I just solved something, elegant or not elegant, I won.
Luckily I won more than I lost, otherwise I probably wouldn’t be here. lol.
The other day I wrote: I haven’t had any working method that would influence to what degree someone is stuck in desire. This just changed.
Desire has different shapes and forms, having to, wanting to, needing to and should are some expressions. Desire can be reduced two ways:
- 1. you become dead and hollow and resigned.
- 2. you give up having to, needing to, wanting to, and should… by bestowing personness on yourself.
And even when others treat you like a thing that is supposed to ‘function’ the way they fancy it should function, behave, look, smell, feel… you can say, in your head, any of the sentences we invented in the 3-wishes workshop this past Saturday:
- 1. I am unwilling to put up with having to fix myself… I am OK the way I am.
- 2. I am unwilling to put up with having to live my life the way other people want me to live my life.
- 3. I am unwilling to take on other people’s problem with me as my own… it is their problem.
- 4. I am unwilling to take on other people’s standards as my own… it is their standard.
These are sentences that if YOU consider what you are saying, and have power to your word (integrity) then are declarations of independence… declarations of personness.
And that is the psychologically perfect moment to turn you around. You may have to go through this several times, because bad habits die slowly. Unfortunately.
So the way to go about it is the 3-wishes workshop…
Learn to take a step towards abundance
Take it once or many times… the more you take it the easier it gets to become a person for yourself.