Are you shoulding on yourself?

Joke: Why do violinists put a handkerchief between the violin and their shoulder? So they don’t violin on themselves…

Not many people play the violin, but we all should on ourselves. some more, some less.

I should already know it, I should already do it well

Some people can’t learn… and therefore they are stuck. We could even say: most people.

Let me ask Source how many. 70% of humanity has the affliction, the disease of the mind I highlight in the title of this article, I should already know it, I should already… [fill in the blanks]

Shoulding effectively prevents you from learning, let alone mastering anything. You are afraid to do anything in public, for fear of people finding out that you are not something enough to already be the best.

You compare yourself with others, and alternate between feeling like the smartest person on the planet, and the stupidest, clumsiest, most worthless.

Obviously to learn anything, to master anything, your attention needs to be on the material not on yourself… and all that mind-stuff, comparing, shoulding on yourself, doesn’t allow for much attention on the subject, on practice, on doing anything.

If you like shoulding, then should like this: I should be exactly where I am, I should know exactly what I know, I should do the things with exactly as much skill as I do it with now… because that is where I am, that is what I know.

When you have a should, it is like you are doing target practice, but you don’t look at the target, you look at where it should be… how accurate will your shots be? Not very, right?

There is a DNA capacity called ‘put all power in all actions‘ that no one that I personally know has activated yet, although my teachers have it in spades. It is the opposite of the ‘shoulding’ behavior, it is the secret of people who seem to be faster, smarter, more effective, more productive than you are.

They are not smarter, they simply aim at the target, while looking at the target… and therefore their results are better, and improving… In contrast you are still looking at the spot where the target should be… and of course you miss the real, the actual target.

This shoulding habit hinders you every area of life.

This is a habit you developed by the age of three… You already had a firm belief that life should be the way you want it to be… people should do what you want them to do even without ever telling them what you want. They should know.

And the happy go-lucky little kid turned into a bitter old wretch… already at age three.

Every person had something happen to them around age three that was the birth of their racket… the machine that entraps you and uses your life.

If 70% of humanity has this should issue, then we can safely say, that 70% of humanity has this should RACKET.

So what racket does the other 30% have? Simple, they have a shouldn’t racket… lol.

I know, it’s not very funny, yet it tickles my funny bone.

Every single person on the planet, even the few people who are very evolved, has a racket. A should or a shouldn’t racket… some has both.

The highly evolved people manage to work inside the confines of the racket to carve out a path for themselves to grow, and to accomplish more than the others.

If you had the laser eyes I have, you would readily see, that both should and shouldn’t covers up the worldview that there are right things and there are wrong things… and unfortunately that is the fertile ground for the racket machine to thrive.

The worldview that there are right things and there are wrong things

In the Playground the only task we work on is to go over everything and remove the wrong, and remove the right, to arrive to a worldview that things are the way they are because they are the way they are. Not right, not wrong, just is.

In the Itch workshops we go one step further, and remove the notion that you need something, an aspect of the racket machine… where every time your supposed need is not fulfilled, the racket moves into grinding your life into mush…

In the Instant Coherence Workshop we creatively alter the backdrop against your life is happening, to turn life into a place of celebration, instead of a life of constant complaining, lack, and misery.

In the Growth Course we have been looking at what behaviors are between us and growing, and to no one’s surprise, it is all the shoulds and shouldnts that are still running us…

In the Freedom Courses, a series of independent standalone workshops, I’ll welcome beginners…

I have been doing this work for 35 years. I have a shouldn’t racket… and occasionally, in spite of all the work I have done, more than anyone I know, in spite of my mastery, my racket still occasionally swings into its grinding motion… and consumes my health, my happiness, my business, everything, unless I manage to stop it.

I am in the middle of this grinding cycle. This time it’s taking me longer than I am used to… it is still grinding. It hurts, it devastates, it leaves ruins in its wake.

I am not worried… that is the only good thing. What is destroyed can be rebuilt, the phoenix is not a myth, it can rise from the ashes… Phoenix is a mindset… and I have it. If I could have my way, I would not be a Phoenix, but it is what it is.

My life, thus far, has been dominated by rise, burn, rise again cycles. I am in the burning cycle…

Once you know, from observation, what is the pattern of your life, you can drive it like you can drive an old clunker even if no one else can.

My first car in the United States was a Plymuth that had 200 thousand miles on it.

I got it as a gift… The giver even gave me a gas card: I was poorer than a church mouse at the time. I worked for him and to do the work I needed a car.

I sold advertising to local businesses.

The car was temperamental. It had to be started in a very specific way, or it would not start, or even if it did, it would stall after a few seconds.

I never had to lock the car, no one could steal it. But to me that car started like a well trained, first class soldier.

I drove that car for another four years before it finally died for good.

Your machine, your life is just like that. If you learn its quirks, you can drive it to the sky… you can be happy, successful, and fulfilled.

If you try to drive it like a car from the new car lot, you are sh!t out of luck… because your life works the way it works, and not the way it SHOULD.

You can buy the recording of all the courses I mention above, or embark on your own live course, The Freedom Courses.

In the first session we’ll start with attempting to identify your machine… at least the main moves.

It starts on Sunday 2 pm… It is in a webinar workshop format. You don’t need a camera, but you need a good quality microphone. And yes, you will need to talk. Don’t want to talk? Then buy the recorded courses. In my workshop everyone needs to talk.

Who is this for?

If your life isn’t growing, if you are not growing, if you at least want to understand what about you that makes it not growing, so maybe you can change, it is for you.

Who is this not for?

If you want circumstances to change, if you want someone else to do the work for you, if you wish life were different, if you are a putz or someone who can’t listen… I’d rather that you don’t waste your money and my efforts: I can’t promise you anything.

But if you are willing to buckle up and do what it takes… I welcome you.

I work best with people who have a shouldn’t type of racket. Why? Because should types have a very high desire number, and they fancy themselves where they ‘should be’ and are not willing to put any energy to focus on where they are.

This doesn’t mean they can’t do the work, but it’s harder for them. Much harder.

With that said: I broke up the curriculum to individual courses, so when you see that you can’t or are not willing, you can just stop.

But if you are determined that you matter enough, your life matters enough, you can choose to subscribe. The courses will be bi-weekly, meaning once every two weeks.


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Author: Sophie Benshitta Maven

True empath, award winning architect, magazine publisher, transformational and spiritual coach and teacher, self declared Avatar

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