Complaining implies expressing dissatisfaction about a situation or behavior. Ranting is all about expressing anger by shouting in frustration. And gossiping is talking about a person who isn’t present. So this article, at least the first part is all three. But it is also a teaching opportunity.
Every Tuesday I am on a group coaching call with one of my coaches.
I don’t like him. I say this upfront so I can watch if I have a prejudice… while I am writing about him.
Anyway, I have once written an article that I can’t now find where I say that even if you copy everything visible about a person who is doing better than you, you won’t be like him, and your results probably won’t be like his.
My two coaches compete with each other a lot, much like who has the bigger stick. They have the same soul correction. The one whom I don’t like is a little older, and I feel is trying to learn everything from the other, because he wants what he has. Raving fans.
I have been on the second coach’s list for two years, I pay him monthly, and I buy everything he puts out… and they are expensive… outrageously expensive. I started to make more money just so that I can buy them… lol.
I don’t buy much of what this other dude sells, even when the topic interests me.
I am not sold. But why?
What is the difference between the two dudes?
I have been looking at this, and this is what I’ve found:
‘My beloved’ is in business to serve his clients… When he comes to a coaching call, I can feel that he listens, and I can feel that he cares. He cares about my success and when I do well, he is happy for me, he is proud of me, he finds self-fulfillment in me using his teaching to do well.
Obviously, I am an empath, so I can feel it. And obviously, I can also double-check with Source, and I did.
The other one, the one I don’t like, the one I don’t want to buy from is doing the business because he likes to do what he does, but it is ALL ABOUT HIM. His brilliance, his productivity, his success.
So I have a ‘f… you and the horse you rode in on’attitude towards him.
When I say something on a coaching call, he takes it personally. Everything he says is about him and what he knows. He doesn’t even allow anyone to paint a picture: he already knows and says it.
I even paid him for private calls which were unpleasant for me… I learned one thing on those calls: he said: rob yourself blind… that was the only useful thing from 60 minutes of coaching. Puny, if you ask me. Not worth the hundreds of dollars I paid.
The other said three words to me the other day, and I doubled my income from it. And it wasn’t even a full sentence… just three words… but useful, perfect match to what I was needing help with.
So what is it I am trying to say here?
In the visible the two guys are similar. But we, humans, respond to the invisible.
And if the invisible repels you, like it repels me, then you won’t buy.
But the same is true in your life, whatever you do. If your invisible is not attractive, your results will be dubious at best.
The most important ‘measure’ is to what degree you are about yourself, and to what degree you are about the other, or reality.
It will influence everything. What you say and how much you hear. How you’ll do what you do. And how much you care about what they say about you.
A high about-me score makes you not attractive…
And until now I didn’t know what to tell people how they could reduce their about-me score… I didn’t know.
But accidentally, as I was trying to get my assistant from a to b on a call, I remembered the Soaring Method, especially the move, ‘renaming on the fly’.
It is a brilliant method to take your attention off yourself… and get out of your own way.
This, getting out of your own way, must be recognized as a big issue, because there are 4 trillion pages in google advising you on this, and pages after pages worth of books on Amazon.
I doubt that they do a good job. Just like diet books: if any of those worked, there wouldn’t be a need for so many.
You may need to get some energy work done to help you with it.
Integrity is the crucial component without which nothing works. No course, no exercise, no ‘anchor to doom’ pulling, no activators, no Soaring Method, no love, no marriage, no diet, no life.
Integrity is a tricky distinction. Why? Because in essence, reality, life, everything alternates between integrity and ‘out of integrity’ which is the technical term for a state of no integrity.
You are almost all the time out of integrity. Nothing is unchanging or constant in reality: the only constant is change.
And so it is with integrity.
Let’s take the example of lying.
Half of what you say, when you say it is lying. And then you do what you said and then it becomes true.
All promises are lying. All declarations are lying until you deliver, with integrity.
But here is another thing: your intention. It vacillates between high minded and low minded. Always.
Integrity is there only in the moments where you do what you do in an empowering context. but that pesky little voice inside keeps on trying to take you out, and it does… doesn’t it?
This morning and the past few mornings I had an item on my agenda to send healing energy to a woman.
It is hard work. So my automatic relationship with the action is disempowering. ‘I have to.’ Ugh. So I stop.
When I send energy inside a disempowering context, it doesn’t do what it is supposed to do. So I look for an empowering context. And I say: If I don’t do it no one will… That is empowering enough for me with my ‘I am unique and essential” soul correction, so I send off the energy. It does triple duty… I mean it works like gangbusters… whoa!
I am debating if I should offer the integrity workshop (recorded) in this article, or the Soaring Method.
But my hunch is: without first practicing and understanding and putting integrity in practice, The Soaring Method will not do what it can: magical results.
I have never said this before: the Soaring Method is the art of changing the context… from default to invented.
It has a unique formula to invent context, not one I would normally teach, but in essence: that’s it. That is what it teaches.
The authors of the book The Art of Soaring call themselves magicians, because when you change the context, everything changes, things become workable, people start behaving differently: reality seems to follow suit.
They exaggerate in the book, and yet, changing the context, and changing it playfully like they do, is amazing: but only if and when integrity is brought to the process.
So, yeah, I am clear now: You need to start with Integrity.
Integrity is between you and yourself. The world, people, have a lot more allowances for no integrity, if only to make themselves feel better?
But you know. And only your opinion matters. Not even mine.
So when you diligently restore integrity you simply fall in love with yourself, and it feels like the sun just came out, and everything becomes sparkly. Beautiful. Including people. But especially you to yourself.
Go to step 2
My pristine nonstick skillet is busy… so I used one of the old ones… And of course it has no integrity. So the cheese stuck to it… and cannot be removed…
Yeah, this is a good analogy for your life. You try to get things done on the top of no integrity and of course it doesn’t work, or doesn’t work as well as you’d like it, as well as it would if you had integrity.