As I promised, I am continuing the discussion about powerlessness… the sense, the feeling, the belief of powerlessness.
This sudden awareness was helped along by Alex Hormozi’s video the other day. He talks, no, he rails against what makes you weak and fragile.
Watch it and learn. Get knocked conscious of what you are doing to yourself!
You may want to listen to it with slower speed… Alex talks really fast!
Now you see why I am in love with Alex… I want to be like him when I grow up! lol.
You speak and you are unaware that
every moment, with every word you are creating yourself, and who you are, for yourself.
In this overwhelming sense of powerlessness you feel that the only power you have is forcing**. Without that, you feel that you are powerless.
I am paying attention to the words you use. The weak, ineffective students use self-deprecating words about themselves as FACTS, not tendencies.
The somewhat more effective students use less of those…
So I observe myself and my words, spoken, written, or the words I say to myself..
I have come a long way. My behavior has changed… My speaking has changed, even the words I say to myself have changed!
It is all about personal power… I declared myself powerless at some point. I was reacting to an incident where I had no physical power. That was the foundation, the cornerstone of my being for decades, and still would be without doing this work.
I was overpowered by a grown man. A little girl, three years old going on four. I still bear the consequences of that… but by now only the physical ones.
My reaction to the pain was that I went unconscious… Even today I feel the pull to go unconscious, to check out when the going gets so tough that it looks hopeless.
But today, instead…
…I stop for a little bit… slowly and gently (no forcing!) I breathe. I allow the hopelessness some space to be. Emotionless I watch it. And when it calms down a bit I look what it is I can say in the matter.
With enough practice I can tell, without seeing how, that the hopeless situation is more often than not is not hopeless.
So I wait, PATIENTLY, and look with FRESH EYES.
What I say in the matter of hopelessness, it is the end, it is over, what I say: ‘we shall see. It isn’t hopeless until I say it is. And then it is time to start over, but not until then.‘
By the way, my knee jerk reaction is still ‘f… this… I screwed up‘ or ‘it’s hopeless‘. But today, more often than not, I just sit there, or get a cup of tea, or go to the bathroom, giving myself some time to chill… Not acting on that ‘it’s over‘ feeling has been the secret of many of my accomplishments.
Or the secret of my productivity. Or of my happiness.
The biggest regrets you’ll have on your deathbed are the things you didn’t do…
You did something else instead…
You feel regret about the opportunity you passed up…
When I look in my heart, I tend to agree. The only incidents that register for me as regrets are the incidents where I said ‘Oh well…‘ and went limp or quickly did something else to avoid whatever it was to have.
Whatever didn’t match my self-image, the story, the script I lived out.
When that dude wanted to introduce me to his mother as someone he considered to marry. I ran as fast as I could…
Because my story was that I was unlovable. Yeah…
Or when back in 1987 I was accepted to be trained as a Forum Leader (in Werner Erhard and associates, the company that morphed into Landmark Education after Werner left).
I was doing well, taking the required actions. My ‘numbers’ were spectacular… but in February of 1988 I got a phone call telling me that I was taken out of the program.
I was protesting, but it looked hopeless, their reasons reasonable, and I went limp. I said that famous ‘Oh well…’
It still hurts.
What hurts is that I gave up.
I can never undo it, or can I?
Will I die thinking of this on my deathbed. Will I not think of the courageous actions I took before and after?
‘I can never undo it…‘ I said, but… but… but is there anything I can say in the matter that can make that easier to carry… or maybe even disappear it?
So what CAN I say that would have the power to make my deathbed experience not about it?
So let’s look. If there is no ‘no‘ or ‘never‘ or ‘anything‘ or anything that has a hidden ‘no‘ in it in reality. No missing: missing is another way to say ‘no’.
So my ‘I can never undo it’ is something I say… but it is not reality.
Let me see what else I have said… Hm, I said: ‘I didn’t do what I could have… and it’s bad. It’s wrong. I am wrong.’ or alternatively ‘I didn’t do what I should have… but it’s good because…‘
And the same thing is true about wrong and right and good and bad… In the reality of the Tree of Life, there is no wrong, there is no right, no good and no bad. They all invaded life with the Tree of Knowledge, the belief in Right and Wrong.
So what can I say now that is neither good nor bad… because I can…
Here is what I’ll say: ‘I did that. When they said ‘no’ I said Oh well. I did that and that is that. Neither good nor bad. It was what it was. No biggie.’
Taking responsibility is owning what you did. You take on having caused yourself doing what you did. You caused it, not something outside of you.
By the way, you don’t own your thoughts, you don’t own your emotions.
If you did you could obey the command: think this! or feel sad/happy/elated…
Your thoughts and your emotions don’t belong to you. So you cannot be responsible for them.
But what you say, what you do, yes. You can… And it will set you free.
Whether it’s an attitude, a speaking, a behavior, or anything you can own, you can own.
I own that I said ‘Oh well’. Also that I complained to everyone who was willing to listen. I own that I gossiped about Landmark… It’s a fact: I did.
OK, I also OWN that I used that incident to become more persistent in my endeavors. But I used it to become successful outside of Landmark. Eventually I created my first business from that incident.
Since then I’ve observed myself and have seen that 90% of the time I want to quit even though the situation is not hopeless… yet. Ultimately I own that I have this urge to quit, and I also own that I don’t. Or not often.
I own that today I am a different person. Very different.
Instead of proving all the stuff I made up about myself when I was younger,
I CHOOSE to gather evidence, that I am now powerful, intelligent, loving and lovable and flexible.
A few months ago I let go of my virtual assistant because I didn’t see how to change our relationship that it would work for me.
Yesterday I contacted him and asked if he would like to try out to be my next Sunday Calls podcast partner.
This would not have been possible without the process of responsibility… I did that then and I do this today. I can even say: I’ll make this work. And terminate whatever looks stuck if what I have to say in the matter won’t make it work.
In the next Turn Your Life Around, aka Create A Turning Point class this coming Saturday we’ll practice finding what you have been saying and what you COULD say instead.
There is probably no class that can offer more benefits than this class.
Even if you only manage to unstuck one stuck thing about yourself, your power, your personal power can double, triple, quadruple.
But if you think we are going to create affirmations, the practice of the stupid people, you are totally off…
Just watch Alex’s video again, and hear what he suggests… And if what he says attracts you, fills you with hope, maybe you should come to the Responsibility class.
It’s at 11 am my time. It is now Winter time everywhere, so you won’t have the excuse of that… You know who you are.
The class is called Turning Point… because the moment you start saying something new about yourself, you created a turning point.
But if your ‘mind’ doesn’t agree, which is the case with every affirmation, then, of course, you just created more of the same.
The class is three hours… so please schedule the time, and tell people in your life that it is in their best interest to leave you alone for three hours… so you can be a nicer person, so you can become more of who you really are: a PERSON.
A person to love, a person to respect, a person who says things worth listening to.
Yeah… you have no idea how good that feels.
I have seen it in my family. I have seen how they see me, how they listen to me, how they respect me… Now… Now that I am different for myself.
This is what is available… not a pipe dream.
Create a turning point or many in your life
If you are in the hero program, email me for a discount coupon.
** I am going to write an article to distinguish what forcing is… You probably think that you are not forcing, but I guarantee that over 50% of the time you are forcing… your rules, your resistance, your resentment, your unwillingness, your rigidity… all forcing.
PS: If you look, in all who-done-it story the investigation is stuck because there was an assumption (words) that are taken as the truth. Once that assumption is loosened, the solution to to conundrum becomes possible, and the stuck investigation starts moving.
And so it is in every area of life.
Your personality is NOT fixed… and therefore your life isn’t fixed…
PPS: I use the first person pronoun 99 times in this article… because I am trying to show what I did… it is all about what YOU can get out of it that matters to me.