Powerful Debriefing: How to be a winner regardless of your successes or failures

what_happened_One of the major difference between winners and losers; winners have the ability to look at reality, and look long enough so all the filters get revealed and you actually see things for what they are.

Another difference between winners and losers is that winners love setbacks, love failures, maybe even more than success. Losers love success and hate failures, or setbacks.

Being a winner or a loser is a WHO issue: it is not a WHAT issue, not a circumstantial, horizontal plane phenomenon: it is who you are.

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debriefing

A WINNER can be a winner on the ruins of his empire, on the ruins of his dreams, on the aftermath of his failed expectations. A LOSER needs winning to feel like a winner.

WINNER is a being coming from the CORE.

It is more important where you are coming from, what your core is, than where you are going 1

The whole world, all the teachings out there emphasize goal setting, direction setting. What they are doing is destroying your core, destroying your sense of self, making you an effect, instead of cause.

When your core is strong you are cause. When you are looking at the results, the opinions, the feelings, you are an effect.

When what gives you who you are in the moment is WHO you are, you are a cause. When what gives you who you are in the moment is some circumstance, then you are the effect.

You can decide who you want to be and then learn being that after that. The journey is exhilarating, and it is all an inner journey. It keeps you centered in yourself, and it keeps life wonderful, regardless of what circumstances bring, what your results in the outside are.

One of the centering activities you will do, once you decided on your WHO 2 is to watch for successes and failures.

Welcome the failures. If you have time then and there, take time out and start analyzing the failure.

It may not be easy, but there are some questions that may help.

I'll share with you what I saw this morning with regards to my recent failure with Amazon:

  1. I got cocky. I was starting the make decisions from circumstance instead of my core. Instead of connecting to my inner wisdom.

    I use playing Freecell as a guidance device, and of course I also use muscle testing. But in muscle testing the questions must be yes/no type, closed end questions, and they are always asked from the mind.

    On the other hand, Freecell is like a psychodrama: I can watch myself going about "doing" and I can see what it is that I am doing. How you do anything is how you do everything, so if I am being cocky in freecell, I can assume that I am being cocky in business.

    Cocky is not a good way of doing business. It is like shooting from the hip, it is like shooting off by the mouth, it is half-baked decisions acted upon. It is not enough looking, not enough listening, not enough seeing what's going on. Always a source of great misery, great mistakes, great suffering.

    It is not be willing to spend time "lurking" to find out what a community is about. What another person is about. It is creating situations where you are the bull in the china shop... and you need to do damage control, you need to apologize.

    Listening is an art. Understanding questions takes work: people ask questions from a different world than you live in.

    One of the issues in my classes is students don't understand the questions, and don't know what to do to understand them. But life needs you to have this skill, needs you in spades, unless you are satisfied to live the same life day in and day out... boring, shrinking, surviving. So, one of the ways to grow is to learn methods to understand questions. It doesn't have to be fast. Work takes as long as it does. Work worth doing is never fast. Popping a candy into your mouth is fast.

  2. I based my entire business on hope. I tried to sell my unique energy products to walking talking everyman: they had no context to see it differently than any pill-merchant's product, they had no context to look through to know that it wasn't going to work for them.

    People with restless leg syndrome bought and returned the Sleep Rescue. People with night time cramps returned the Sleep Rescue. People with a need for a cervical collar returned the Sleep Rescue. People who just wanted to fall asleep and took the Sleep Rescue just before bed... returned the Sleep Rescue.

    I didn't have a chance to filter buyers, because Amazon doesn't have that structure: I just put my wares on the shelf and hoped...

    And although a lot of people bought, an awful lot of people asked for a refund, more than Amazon allows.

  3. I spent money on equipment that now I won't need: bottle filling machine and such. I now have some 200 bottles in my living room: my inventory returned by Amazon.
  4. I created a goal and at some point I made that goal jerk me around, decide my mood, etc. and became an effect. Yes, me... Ms. Core... lol. 3

As you see, it's taken me to dig out four major lessons from this event. Am I done yet? I don't think so. Am I better off than I was when I started this project? Definitely. And if I look, I am not worse off financially, which is amazing.

I had a paid for learning experience: now that comes only with decades of practice... lol.

On another note: was I successful in this Amazon thing? Am I successful as an enterprise or as a person?

The answer is no. Why? Because the degree of success equals to the degree to which you fulfilled on a goal.

I set out to make real money: I didn't make any money that you can call "real money".

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what-happenedWhich is to say: successful is not suitable for a CORE being, it is all circumstantial.

Winner on the other hand: am I a winner? Definitely. Why, because I won? No! Winner is not circumstantial, and it doesn't change when there are losses. Losing money doesn't make me a loser. Being a LOSER is also a being. Many people have that as a core being.

Or ugly... like the woman Maxwell Maltz talks about in his book Psycho Cybernetics. A woman had a plastic surgery the reshaped her ugly nose. She was now beautiful for everyone who looked at her. But not for herself. Her core being was UGLY, and it wasn't effected by the outward change in appearance.

Your current core being may need to be dislodged, just like my "piece of worthless junk" needs to be dislodged or managed. You can't build a skyscraper on muddy ground. Either you dig down to solid rock, or you send down piles to the solid rock and from time to time clean out the mud that is between them

I did the second... and it's working, as long as I am diligent about cleaning up, and don't fall asleep on the job... like I did in this affair with Amazon.

PS: I am going to write articles about this issue of CORE or WHO vs WHAT or vertical vs horizontal, or a great life or a roller coaster life... So if it isn't clear yet, it will be. Of course, if you were in the coaching class, it would go faster, because you could have a conversation with me...where you would see where you are making a wrong turn, a wrong assumption, etc. that takes you to "what is she talking about?!" place

Footnotes

  1. with rare exceptions, being born on the wrong side of the track, the wrong color, the wrong parents, will stay with you forever. The saying: "it is easy to take the girl out of the slums, but it is not easy to take the slums out of the girl" is a near sure statement. In this article we'll deal with the muddy core you have and how to build a skyscraper on the top of all that mud, so you can be coming from a different place. Although we may not be able to "change" the original "WHO" of your being, we may be able to manage it so it doesn't often get in the way.
  2. for starters I recommend HAPPY because it is the most important being you need: everything builds on that. No HAPPY and no great life. Happy is a function of accepting what is without resistance. Not succumb, not surrender, but active acceptance. To accept you need to see it, recognize it for what it is. You need to be able to tell the difference between what is, and what you said about it. You need to be able to tell the difference between what happened and your interpretation of it. So without HAPPY you don't have any business to invent a CORE: it will not stick. I teach all those abilities in other articles and in my courses... start reading. Don't put the cart before the horses!
  3. This is how "others" guide you to be on a roller coaster or a ship without a rudder...

Author: Sophie Benshitta Maven

award winning architect, magazine publisher, transformational and spiritual coach and teacher, self declared Avatar

2 thoughts on “Powerful Debriefing: How to be a winner regardless of your successes or failures”

  1. well, I’ll start the ball rolling by saying that at times,, sometimes, I notice very heavy resistance in me to what I am doing and what I am thinking, and I deliberately let go,, I have to because it is way too painful to keep holding on to it… just noticing the resistance and being willing to let it go helps me to get on with the job minus all the crap in my head,, it helps me big time, but at the same it doesn’t necessarily make me ‘happy’. but it gets the job done with a bit more ease… and for that I am grateful… and
    so, thank you for all your insights and help x

  2. Anon, the goal is to come from happy. The start with happy. To have happy be your true nature. To change what happy means to: “Happy is a function of accepting what is with no resistance.” That happy is an expanded state, where you can see things for what they are, you don’t close your eyes even if what you say is ugly, and you stay there with power and grace and ease. We’ll call happy. Any resistance to what is takes one out of happy…

    The happy that you are talking about is a result of some circumstance, fickle, and makes us all “prostitutes” for happy. I’ll screw for happy… kind of way. You sell your values, you sell your life for the experience of happy.

    The path to that kind of happy is narrow and shallow, there is no need to be a human being, it’s OK to be this superficial, shallow, wanting.

    No need to grow, no need to do anything… actually, for that kind of happy you’ll shy away from every effort, every hardship, every serious undertaking, because who wants to go for something like happy at the end of an arduous “struggle”.

    In the happy I advocate, where you start with happy, stay happy, end happy, you do what needs to get done to grow, and you are happy while doing it. You are not happy to do it, that would be something else again. You are happy, just like you don’t change your skin color according to the type of task you do in life. You stay white, or pink, or yellow, or black… whatever you started with.

    The result: a really amazing life worth living.

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