The Third Kind of Depression to beat: simple but not easy

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The Third Kind of Depression

depression is a sign that you are unwilling to hit bottom. when you hit bottom, there is the beginning of coming upDepression Is A Sign That You Are Unwilling To Hit Bottom. When You Hit Bottom, There Is The Beginning Of Coming Up

I took a short break this afternoon. I lied down. This depression thing has been on my mind since I wrote that article: I felt something wasn’t complete about it.

Back in 1979 I spent some time in a psychiatric place, back in Hungary. It was almost like a sanatorium, on a beautiful mountain, for rich people and their brood.

My roommate was the jilted wife of a famous actor… everyone was famous for something. Of course, me too, I was a famous person’s daughter.

I made friends with a fellow patient, my age. She had a difficult time sleeping at all. She was depressed.

Occasionally I saw his family visit her: a lovely boy, her husband, even her in-laws. By the way, she was an amazing literary translator of novels, talented as the sun.

So as I was lying on my bed I tried to feel her body to see what was underneath the depression.

depression: how to beat it without drugs It was guilt. Searing her chest, preventing her from taking a deep breath.

Maybe she felt guilty that she didn’t love her husband. Maybe she had the child with another man and never told him about it. Maybe this maybe that.

Guilt is a funny feeling. It says that you are guilty, but it says it in a funky way. Why I say that? Because the way to disappear guilt is to take responsibility for what you did. Your part in it. Your contribution to it.

You end up with no guilty feeling and your power is fully on.

the poor me depressed person gets more out of being poor me than actually doing something Same story, different participants: me.

My story was that I didn’t think I deserved to live. My mother didn’t love me, didn’t want me, and it wasn’t personal. Even though she personally didn’t want me.

Living on borrowed time, living without permission can wreak havoc on your life, unless… you guessed right, you take responsibility for it.

It took me till 1988 to do that: I had a one-way conversation with my parents (they weren’t party to it, lol) and I told them, no, I shouted at them: ‘I understand that you don’t want me. I am here… put up with it! It is not up to you!

I took responsibility for being here, for not having been wanted, and my life changed, dramatically, for the better.

I am here because I am here. Not because they allowed me to be here. Not even because I want to be here. I am here because I am here.

If I am already here, I might as well make the best of it!

Another story, current. The ‘But I am good!’ type of story.

A friend of mine grew up with an alcoholic mother. Growing up with an alcoholic is confusing to say the least. Especially if the alcoholic has a Dr. Jekill and Mr. Hyde personality, like this woman’s mother.

The mother was, at times, sweet, intelligent, but most of the time it felt to her like she was only there to beat her, frighten her.

The mother, quite the psychopath, said (or so it goes the story!?) that if you stand out they will chop your head off…

My friend ‘solved‘ the issue. She decided to hide. Hide herself, hide her light, become, somewhat, like a spider hiding behind her web, waiting for an unsuspecting insect to entangle themselves in her web… voilà, you have dinner.

Her poison of choice is seeing only the bad, the evil, the nasty, the greedy… in people. It makes her feel superior.

But this superiority comes at a high price: it’s lifeless. This life has no accomplishment, no fulfillment, no purpose… so she is like a walking dead.

So, what could she take responsibility for? That is the question that turns things around…

What could she change, you’d ask if you don’t want her to have a great life. Most people’s instinct is to change, to tell people to stop judging… Maybe even to learn positive thinking, or be nice, or whatever… All harmful. So if you are like my ‘But I am good!‘ friend, don’t try to change! Please.

Instead take responsibility for what is yours.

If she could admit that she bought into her mother’s b.s… (or made up her own!). If she could admit that she fell into her own spiderweb trap, then she could set herself free.

She could start getting an education, she could start taking risks, she could stop finding fault with everyone, and could see herself exactly the way she is. With warts and all…

Does it take courage? You bet your sweet ass it does. It takes tremendous courage to admit that you amount to nothing, that you are an underachiever. But if you have the courage to do so: you can hit bottom and have a chance of coming up. Up and up and up.

Until then it is flailing till your last breath. Until then it’s depression, always ineffectiveness, twilight zone, and deadness.

She is not the only friend I have in this predicament, by the way. There used to be a time when I attracted flailers by the dozens.

What is in common among them is that they will listen to the coaching and then continue life as if nothing happened. Unaffected. Unchanged.

Getting out of depression takes courage, takes commitment, and takes taking responsibility: are you big enough to do it?

OK, this third type of depressed person cannot be helped… unless and until they are ready. But if you have someone with this type of depression in your family, instead of trying to rescue them, you may be interested in getting busy with your own life…

It will beat depression, it will beat purposeless, it will beat any, and I mean any funky stuff that is holding you hostage now.

One last thing: Taking responsibility is like taking a bitter pill.

It is over before you know. Even if you need to deal with the aftertaste, it is done, it is done, it is done.

And just so you know… these bitter pills line up like the rungs of a ladder. The only way to get out of the prison of depression, a meaningless life, an empty life is through that ladder.

I got to where I am now through that ladder.

Some of those pills… the aftertaste lasted for a whole week… so be prepared. But each rung of the ladder takes you to a place where there is more light, more fun, more funny, and somehow breathing is easier. When there are tears, and there will be, each tear drop is like a cleansing.

In yesterday’s From Judgment to Assessment workshop I likened where you are, the place, to the Grand Canyon.

It has scarcely any width. It goes from one end to the other… linear. Like the space of depression, going from good to bad, from right to wrong… and it has only degrees… not as bad, not as good.

Unless you start to climb the ladder to the wide open space, none of the joy of living is available to you.

And believe it or not: life, living is beautiful. Even if it is hard… or maybe especially when it’s hard.

Hard makes you feel like a winner, whereas there is no winning in the Grand Canyon.

It’s too early to say if the methodology I have devised will work for everyone… because we only started it yesterday in the From Judgment to Assessment workshop. But my hunch is: that it will work for many. Could work for all, but just like yesterday, some come for an hour and leave… so they are not really interested, not committed to climb out of the Grand Canyon.

Can’t even imagine that there is life there… outside.

I can relate.

Every time I made a big move what made me procrastinate was the fact that my imagination could see anything.

Going from couple to single. Going from country to country. And going from occupation to another. Even going from one state to another.

It is like jumping into the abyss… Took me a lot of courage.

To my surprise the abyss was never deep. And it landed me higher… I know, I am mixing metaphors… but you’ll see, if you follow me: it seems like down, while it is really up.

Conversely, when I thought I was going up, I landed down… I did that for a few years back in Hungary… that is what landed me in deep depression. Fear is a good indicator.

When there is no fear, you are going downwards. When the fear is fiercest that is when you are going upwards.

Life doesn’t work by YOUR rules…

One of my students has invented that life should be always pleasant.  And you can guess: that made her stuck on the bottom in every way.

Life leads up through extreme fearful steps… once you really stepped, the fear is gone.

Anyway, if you want to come to the next From Judgment to Assessment workshop, where we devise a personal first upward rung on the ladder for you.

Start your climb out of the Grand Canyon
The workshop is on a Saturday. November 19 at 11 am. Calculate three hours for the workshop. No recording. No replay. Don’t even ask. I cannot provide personal service to someone who isn’t there.

One more thing: Please be hydrated when you come to the call. I can’t work with someone who is foggy.

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Author: Sophie Benshitta Maven

True empath, award winning architect, magazine publisher, transformational and spiritual coach and teacher, self declared Avatar

1 thought on “The Third Kind of Depression to beat: simple but not easy”

  1. Good stuff. I need to take responsibility for being here, for wanting to be here, for asking for this human experience, and to play the game by the rules if I am interested in human, extrinsically valued accomplishment. Oh, God…I am trying to wrap my head around it. And I am the original late-bloomer.

    Finish what I started. Be here now. I need to work on my context…one that calls me to be. I’m down with Heaven on Earth, or the 1,000 years of peace…really. Yet I also have some skills, talents, passions waiting to be expressed. More doing, less thinking about it.

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