We had our last What’s Missing workshop for the season yesterday.
What a learning experience it was! Again.
I found out that unbeknownst to me I was still hesitant to believe that I am going to live, that I am not on borrowed time, that if I save money, I’ll have a chance to use it.
This, under the conscious awareness issue has been running my life for 72 years… I have never been able to save any real money… and now I see why. It is time to begin to manage this… so I can actually buy a car, now that I can drive again.
One area where every student of mine is lacking is communication. When suddenly they do something that I consider communication, I cry. Tears of joy. One of my recent articles brought a flurry of communication… but it was a “fluke”, an accident, a one time event.
What is communication, really?
The dictionary says: conveying information. Bah humbug.
The purpose of communication is to get what you want, from life, through other people.
Communication is a tool. For the most part the purpose of communication is to get what you want from life, through other people.
If the purpose of life is survival, and survival is more guaranteed if you get what you want, then communication is the most needed tool.
If we consider communication a result producing activity, which it is, then we need to look at communication as we look at anything where we measure productivity: producing a result with some degree of reliability.
Just like in productivity, your results depend, largely, on your attitude. Your attitude towards the task, and your attitude towards yourself.
Just like in productivity, the order in which you do the tasks influences your results, and therefore your productivity. What you do first and what you do second…
Just like in productivity, something is considered more important than something else… and you’ll either honor that or not… and your results will show that, or the lack of that honor.
Just like in productivity, your skill level, your ability to see the big picture, your ability to use carrot and stick effectively, you’ll have compliance or non-compliance… you’ll communicate or you won’t…
As in productivity, some strategies, some approaches, some skills cause more productivity… same in communication.
The 80/20 rule applies to communication as well as it applies to productivity: most of what we say is part of the unproductive 80%, and often prevent us from saying the 20%, that has, at least a chance to produce the results…
And when we evaluate our performance, more often than not, in my experience, what we blame is not the 20% missing, but the present and ineffective 80%.
I don’t offer a communication course… I have done Landmark’s courses, over and over, and then more. I have learned some moves, but did I really learn the art of communication? No, THAT I haven’t…
But it is time for me to learn it. Now or never. lol.
How do I know? Well, I just said so… but other than that: I am noticing some envy that is always a sign of aspiration, the secret yearning of the soul. I noticed it, and now I am going to act on it. So it’s time. Now or never. Or as they say it at weddings, according to movies: speak now or forever hold your peace… I am speaking.
On one of the webinars the topic was “Not being heard… Being misunderstood”
Every person on the call had at least one painful childhood incident where their speaking wasn’t getting for them what they intended to get, instead their speaking was earning them grief and heart ache.
They wanted appreciation, understanding, equality, or love, validation, significance, or at least agreement.
When something doesn’t work, one would expect, next time you’ll try something different. But no… in real life it seems that the more something doesn’t work, the more you, humans are trying to fit a square peg into a round hole.