Many of you don’t have a Self… here is how to find your Self

We all have two selves. One is real, the other is made up.

The bigger the distance between the two, the less authentic, the less happy we are.

When you love yourself: you love your life... said in another way: when the two selves are in harmony, you love your life.

The soul's (the real self) job is to cause character, the soul's job is to help you find out who you are. The Self. The person you are...

Many of you have not managed to distinguish a Self from all the ideas of who you should be, who you want to be, who you fancy yourself being... The precious I, the delusional self.

A Self is your "I" that is independent and defensible from other people's opinion, and from even your own opinion of you... when you make mistakes.

I know this is a mouthful, so let me elaborate:
Continue reading "Many of you don’t have a Self… here is how to find your Self"

What is the opposite of entitled?

what do I deserve?Every generation is more entitled than the previous one. Why? Let me explain...

If appreciative is the opposite of entitled... does that mean that all those people who are not appreciative are entitled?

Entitled 1 is a worldview. It is a ground-of-being phenomenon, invisible, like the floor. An unexamined truth. To you. But for the other, it is quite obvious... 2

So how do you know that you are not appreciative? that you are entitled?

This is how:

  • Even when you thank someone, they frown...
  • You may even be diligent in thanking someone, you may even feel a stab of thankfulness, but those thanks are the waves on the waters, not the bottom of the sea... The bottom of your sea is entitlement.

Continue reading "What is the opposite of entitled?"

How to become someone who can make good decisions that really serve you?

Is it worth it? Is it worth the bother, the effort, the work? Will it get me finally what I want?

One of the reasons people don't like to try new things is because they cannot judge whether they can do it or not. Whether it will be easy or not. Whether it will be pleasant and enjoyable or not.

How come? Why is it so difficult? Life is complex, and most of us have no tolerance for complexity. Complexity, ambivalence, ambiguity are normal, but the capacity to hold them becomes available to you in only at a certain brain development age... If you got stuck in young child brain development, that is most people, you have never developed the capacity.

Can you develop this capacity now? Of course you can. What is preventing you from doing it? Your low TLB number... you are a Twitchy Little Bastard... and you can't deal with complexity, confusion, or looking long enough to actually see something.

Some of my students, when they learned about my habit of looking long and more than just once... as a way to deal with my dyslexia, have started to practice the same... and their ability to hold controversy and ambivalence has increased... because of that practice. But if you fancy yourself smart, quick, etc. Looking long and hard is going to be difficult, because your precious "I" will tell you that only stupid people look long and hard.

Actually the opposite is true: your precious "I" is deceiving you and keeping you... eh... stupid. In the stupid as the stupid does sense. Continue reading "How to become someone who can make good decisions that really serve you?"

How do you know what you are afraid of? Why you are afraid… even when you have no reason to be.

what are you afraid of?It was 1991. Georgia... some miles from Atlanta, in a hunting lodge. November. Communication Commando Course.

Just the name was enough to put the fear of god in me. But then they ushered me in this little room where I needed to answer some questions about myself, name, age, where I live, who I live with... in front of a camera.

Now, by that time I had been on television twice, seen and recognized by millions of people. And yet, I was terrified.

What was I afraid of?

This is what this article is about... what is it that you are afraid of, that you cannot tell what it is, but it is as real as that if they keep you underwater long enough, you'll be dead. Dead dead.... Continue reading "How do you know what you are afraid of? Why you are afraid… even when you have no reason to be."

The secret is in the system… No system? No life

The secret is the system... No system? No life.

Unless, of course, you are one of Neal Stephenson's characters, who rarely set out to do something and do it... They tackle what is thrown at them... Well, I might add...

But you are not one of his characters... and life, without a system, without a clear direction is a life not worth living.

But with some forethought, you can make life predictive, interesting, and good...

How?

Most of what there is to do in a day, most of what moves you towards that ephemeral good life is hard or tedious

Some tasks are hard for me too. Or tedious... And I respond to both hard and tedious with tension. Impatience. Intolerance.

Sitting and watching a video, even if it is a film, but especially if it is a tutorial video, I have about 10-15 minutes that I can suffer it... and then I have to jump up... whole body tight, resistant.

This used to hinder me a lot. I would buy classes and never finish them.

or difficult books... "I can't take any more of this..."
or doing Starting Point Measurements...
or designing a page
or writing a sales letter

Continue reading "The secret is in the system… No system? No life"

Your dance card is full… and your life is empty and meaningless. What will you do?

I woke up drenched in sweat from a dream this morning.

I was in a diner. I shared the table with someone... I took out a credit card to pay. I went to the cash register, and I didn't have my card... in fact, all my cards and my cash were gone.

Scary, isn't it? Lots of phone calls... all my accounts were emptied... But eventually I got above the dark cloud, regained my coherence and started thinking: am I doomed forever?

And I saw that I have assets... and I can get back to my computer and write an email, and I have money.

I built my assets for decades... and now they are there.

What about you? What assets have you built? What lasting things have you done?

What can you count to still have value after decades of your life?

One of the most ignored and most useful advice I have ever read comes from Warren Buffet, his 20 slot Rule.

It talks to stock investors, but it can be easily interpreted as an overall advice for a life well lived.

How do you know if you live your life well... is your life is a well lived life? Continue reading "Your dance card is full… and your life is empty and meaningless. What will you do?"

The Dark Side… is there a Dark Side? and if there is… what is it?

In my view, there is no god, there are no angels, entities, and such. There is also no devil, no hell, no heaven, no afterlife.

But, because humans even on this level of evolution where we are, can create stuff with their thoughts... gods and angels and entities and other stuff.

So at this point (it may change in the future if research and experiments reveal stuff I am not seeing now) my theory is that there is Dark Side and it is created by humans. It's all thoughts.

Now, with that said, where does it come from what I say, that the voices you hear in your head are the Dark Side? Or the memes...

Because I say that.

So, what do I consider Dark Side? Continue reading "The Dark Side… is there a Dark Side? and if there is… what is it?"

Unflinchingly… Authenticity is a level of integrity. A high level of integrity.

lying-is-comfortableI just finished a webinar... One of my students wrote an email to me wondering why I don't lie to me before and doing a webinar, saying it is going to be easy, it is going to be piece of cake.

It took quite a bit for me to learn that trying to outwardly act like a Buddha won’t make me a Buddha.

The above line (The vulnerability that honesty requires isn't something everybody can handle. Lying allows people to be comfortable) is from one of my students.

Really smart guy, isn't he?

And I bet you can see that the next step he would take after making this really smart statement is to start... start what?

You see, most of what sounds smart is not that smart. Most of what sounds smart is a smoke screen, to hide something.
Continue reading "Unflinchingly… Authenticity is a level of integrity. A high level of integrity."

Looking at things from a burka… can you take off the burka and yet see the same?

I read. I read a lot. I read and re-read books that I like.

So now I am re-reading Neal Stephenson's historical fiction of the 17th-18th century... 1

One of the characters in the book is Eliza who in her very young years was a slave, harem girl. She is about 45 at the time of the book.

She is in a carriage, that reminds her of the time of her harem-girl time, when she and other girls were taken to outings dressed in a burka... the point of similarity between the two times.

Seeing the world through a slit or the small opening of a burka. Continue reading "Looking at things from a burka… can you take off the burka and yet see the same?"

Why can’t you be deliberate? Deliberate practice… mastery… sound so good!

Deliberate... the opposite of sloppy, floppy, mindless way you now operate

We are all big on what to do... what to eat, what to read, what this and what that... and no one is teaching us how... I don't necessarily mean the moves... that is not how, that is still what.

The how is somewhat invisible.

Easy... that is a how.
Sloppy, floppy, mindless... these are all hows.
And you guessed right: deliberately... is a how that very few people even begin to know.

So when you watch a youtube video, or an Olympic athlete, you see easy, grace, but you don't see deliberate.

I am old, and finally I decided to live to the end of my life expectancy, which, obviously requires of me some different things. Eat differently, move differently, think differently.

So as part of this new plan, I watched a core strengthening exercises video on youtube. It was just uploaded two days ago. Continue reading "Why can’t you be deliberate? Deliberate practice… mastery… sound so good!"