One of the most harmful words in the English language are I, my, and me.
It is not that they are intrinsically harmful! they are harmful the way we relate to their meaning.
Context is decisive. Sometimes these words (I, my and me) are the context, and sometimes they are heard in a context... confusing? Yeah, context has been confusing to many of my students. But being confused is a very high state: the lowest state a human is "knowing." Why? Because once you think you know, once you think you have the answer, you stop looking, you stop being present, your mind is running the show, the stupid machine that anyone can hack, and they do, and you wouldn't even know.
We are living in the matrix. We eat make-believe food, have make-believe relationships, fight for make-believe causes.
The main weapon of the illusion that it convinces you that it doesn't exist. They used to say that about the devil... but the real devil is the creators, the pushers, the promoters of the illusion. 1
25 years ago I participated, briefly, in a 12-step program: Adult Children of Alcoholics. As you may know, the first step of joining a group like that is to pick a higher power. Why? I am not sure, I have done no research. I am going to share my own way of using "higher power" because it is relevant to this topic.
I am an atheist. I do not believe that there is a higher power, per se. I do feel that there is a certain order in the Universe, that it is even intelligent, but Higher Power?
The biggest price Positive Thinking junkies pay is this:
You can only have power in any situation if you are looking at what is so!
Why do I call positive thinkers junkies? Simple: they are, just like heroin addicts, unable to deal with the momentary feeling bad about anything, they need an escape from reality, at the expense of their life, their health, their relationships, their money.
When you are a positive thinker, your default context is that reality is just plain should not be the way it is.
For you it's wrong, for me it is just what's so... you are powerless, I am powerful.
Finding the silver lining is not available to you, until you see the reality of the situation. For example, yesterday I screwed up something and lost a lot of money. I saw what I did, I appreciated that this wasn't a good time to lose money, and then I looked for a silver lining: it was a learning experience.
I always return to this two moments in my life. Seemingly insignificant moments, but turning points nevertheless.
The first one was when I saw a poster in a chiropractor's office saying something like this: "In order to get to the next level, you need to give up who you have become."
And the second was a poster with a dark sky with a tiny sliver of light showing through. The words said: turn your face to the light...
The first one is the principle of transformation: everything you are, everything you know is in your way of having what you want, what you are striving for. You need to give it up. Painful, frightening, but it's so.
Get a big enough reason WHY, so you can be in action and achieve results
Most people that sit on the fence, or sit on the sidelines wishing they could be somewhere else, enjoying the fruits of their labor, have a few characteristics to share, in addition to sharing the attitude: "this isn't it". Whatever that "this" is, it isn't it. Neither is how they feel about themselves, nor is the weather. The whole gamut.
The question I set out for myself to answer: what is it that makes these people not successful, not acting, not accomplishing much of anything, not attaining the fruits of their labor even when they do act?
If they don't act, they beat themselves up for not acting, for being indecisive, fearful, overly cautious. They call what stops them fear of failure, but they are wrong: that is not what stops them. We'll see later what it is.
They don't have a vision, neither short term, nor long term. When I ask them what they want, they don't know. They know what they want, what they want to get done. They may have a vague direction, but there is nothing more to it.
I got an email from a reader today, one of many such emails:
"Hi Sophie, I listened to your video but I didn't get the answer or find solution to my struggles in life! I am wondering, yes as you said, why I am not transformed in-spite of learning so many methods from attending seminars and reading books! I came from a broken family I tried to change my life but sometimes my life was up but mostly down!
Financially I struggle, bankrupt and thinking to end my life. . . But when I hear your story, I did not and I am now almost 5 years searching for answers? I have read the Bible many times from cover to end and everyday, I received emails trying to sell me self-improvement books but I am fed up, nothing works! I would appreciate if you can help me!"
So what can you answer to someone who has been struggling and considering suicide a viable alternative?
One major distinction I need to teach to all my readers, students, a distinction that if you don't learn it, you'll miss everything.
The distinction is called: Where are you listening from?
The from is the operative word here. It is your base attitude consistent with your "grounds of being".
We each are embedded in a paradigm. The insides and the walls of our paradigm are built from our belief system. Your paradigm has everything that you need to stay the same, and nothing to be more successful that you are, happier than you are, thinner, richer, more entertaining, more attractive than you are.
Your current life is exactly what's possible inside your current paradigm.
If you went back to yesterday's post, you would find a horoscope by Rob Brezsny predicting that I will have whirlwind like experiences that will take me to what I need to learn, to the tools I need to successfully navigate my path.
I said that it looked exciting, like an adventure. It did.
Just like bungee jumping, roller coaster riding look like fun... Except there is a big difference between looking at it, and being on it.
I started on my journey to transform whatever I needed to transform, because my life felt like a roller coaster and I hated it. I hated the feeling of having no control, I hated being jerked to the left, only so that the next moment I can be jerked to the right. I am not built for this kind of excitement, I am not.
Someone with a critical eye will offer you some unsolicited advice today, and you should not be afraid to hear them out. Their reputation for painful honesty should be no excuse -- your feelings don't matter when real knowledge is out there to be learned. Do not sacrifice an education just for the sake of your ego. If you do, you are not giving yourself enough credit. You are in a solid learning phase, and your mind is ready to take in new information in an objective way.
The above is the horoscope that showed up the other day in my inbox.
And the below one came from Rob Brezsny, for the same time period.