The empath’s guide to: How to not feel alone, isolated, abandoned, not belonging…

You look around. Everyone seems to have it better than you. They laugh, they hug, they walk hand in hand, kiss… or have friends who like them… but you? If feels like you have no one, no one cares about you, no one responds well to you… You are not getting enough “strokes”… from others.

A “stroke” (in Transactional Analysis) is a unit of social transaction. A hug. A nod. A smile. A hello, a thank you, a “how are you?”, or an f… you…. these are all social transactions. The more strokes you get the less your spine will shrivel up on you…

Continue reading “The empath’s guide to: How to not feel alone, isolated, abandoned, not belonging…”

Are you OK?

OK, I am getting emails asking if I am OK… this is what you get when people expect to hear from you every day… You skip a few days and they get worried… lol

Am I OK? I don’t feel OK.

But, of course, nothing is going on in reality… I am still doing work, I still read, eat, walk, talk to people… I just don’t have an article in me. So consider this a chat… not an article.

What happened?

The Playground, the year long process of emptying your past of “wrong” is what happened. lol.

Leading a program authentically, makes you walk with your students. Not ahead them, not behind them, with them. Continue reading “Are you OK?”

Focus on the things you can control… but what can you really control?

things you can controlYou can only control what belongs to you… Your thoughts, your feelings, your emotions don’t belong to you. Your actions, your attitude, what you actually heed, what you say… they do belong to you.

They are interestingly difficult to see… they are hidden from your view, overcrowded by noise.

We call these here: invisible dynamics. They are tiny machines, their behavior is predictable, manageable, and their effect on your life are detrimental. Continue reading “Focus on the things you can control… but what can you really control?”

One area where every student of mine is lacking is communication.

One area where every student of mine is lacking is communication. When suddenly they do something that I consider communication, I cry. One of my recent articles brought a furry of communication… but it was a “fluke”, an accident, a one time event.

What is communication, really?

The dictionary says: conveying information. Bah humbug.

The purpose of communication is to get what you want from life, through other people.

Communication is a tool. For the most part the purpose of communication is to get what you want from life, through other people.

If the purpose of life is survival, and survival is more guaranteed if you get what you want, then communication is the most needed tool.

Continue reading “One area where every student of mine is lacking is communication.”

Carrot and Stick: Becoming someone who can

I wrote this article in 2014… So the webinar sessions it talks about are now a recorded course… Carrot and Stick.

We’ll have the third webinar in the Carrot and Stick series today. The results are mixed, but I am excited. Because it has made people to show their true colors: good or bad.

M from London, a Filipina writes:

Hello Sophie

I want to share with you that what we did last Wednesday (in the Carrot and Stick webinar) is now having an effect on me. Just saying UNWILLING in my mind has some some effect on my body something like a burst of energy and the feeling of ‘I can’t have this same life any more.’

This morning, I don’t know if this is part of the the plan of the universe for me to feel the disgust on how I behave and live my life by accident, I watched something on the internet that made me question how could I live the way I live…. I cried for hours until I felt I could not cry any more.. I have headache and my eyes hurt. I’ve never cried like this before. I feel so disgusted the way I live my life.

In case you are interested this the video that made me feel disgusted with my behaviour and attitude in my life. she won XFactor Israel. The song she sang inspired me which I will keep on listening at the moment to remind me the feeling of disgust with the way I live my life

Thank you so much Sophie. Stick works for me.

Watch the video below that inspired M… http://youtu.be/_LVV750lZkA
Continue reading “Carrot and Stick: Becoming someone who can”

Is it too late for you? Is it too late for you to change?

What do I mean too late? I mean this: The chains of habit are too light to be felt until they are too heavy to be broken

This saying sounds like the god honest truth, doesn’t it? But when I muscle test, it is only 20% true…

Why is the truth value of something universally accepted as truth?

It is true, because it takes effort and intention and commitment to break bad habits. And we, humans, are not very motivated to change any habit, let alone a habit that gets us pleasure… in another name, payoffs. But when people can see, when people can own that they pay with their lives, a lot more people are interested and are willing to make efforts…

The biggest hindrance is the goodies… What goodies? you ask. Continue reading “Is it too late for you? Is it too late for you to change?”

What are guiding feelings vs. emotions? Are you guided to look away? Run?

I would never have thought of asking this question prior to reading Margoczi’s books, Feelings and Words a few years ago.

The truth value of those books is about 40%… more for reasons of omission than for reasons of false teaching.

I have learned in Landmark Education that regret, remorse, resentment, the “infamous” three R’s are useless, and harmful.

I dare to differ.

  • They may be useless if you are unwilling to take responsibility for what they are signaling.
  • They may be useless or harmful if you make them your mood for life… pretending that you are a victim… you were never a victim, although you may have had abuse, misuse, or failures in your life.

What makes you a victim (also called an effect) is the unwillingness to take responsibility for what belongs to you… Continue reading “What are guiding feelings vs. emotions? Are you guided to look away? Run?”

Am I weak? Are you weak? What is the inside stick? How do you activate it?

Motivation… it is either a stick or a carrot…

And it is either an inside job, or an outside job.

I am more motivated, more nudged on to do a move, to do something, to make a change in behavior by the stick than by the carrot… the inside stick

Most carrots promise you some goodies… goodies you don’t already have, or more of what you already have. But human preference is not in that direction. No matter how trapped you are in desire, wanting, being induced to doing anything for what you want is really rare, unless it is for instant gratification. 1

The stick promises to take something away. Life, goodies, love, self-love, comforting lies about yourself. And that is the main motivation to take action for people. The threat, the “promise” of loss. Continue reading “Am I weak? Are you weak? What is the inside stick? How do you activate it?”

There is a difference between something being wrong, or you not liking it…

Intelligence is being able to tell that difference. It begins there.

If you can’t tell the difference, then you will make the same collapsing move everywhere, and you are the person about whom the saying goes: for you everything is the same as everything else… except that not always. Not a compliment. 1

No distinction? No intelligence.

Continue reading “There is a difference between something being wrong, or you not liking it…”

If you have a problem keeping your word… That may be your first step

If you have a problem keeping your word… Noticing and handling that may be your first step towards growth and becoming a person…

Keeping your word, especially the word that you gave to yourself is a big issue… This article is digging deep for the causes and the solutions.

Keeping your word has two elements: the word you give… and the behavior that follows.

The self-consciousness I talk about this other article makes you make promises that are not possible for you to keep. Either the promise is too vague, or you have no business to promise what you are promising. Continue reading “If you have a problem keeping your word… That may be your first step”