The Masterskill… the secret nearly everyone misses

Mental Bandwidth and what to do to increase it

If you ordered a large pizza but you had to share it with everyone in your neighborhood, then even after ordering a hundred of those, you would barely get a slice, right? Some teenagers can eat half of a large pizza themselves, so unless you protect your pizza, you’ll remain hungry.

If an internet company sells you service, but they have all their thousands of customers want to watch a movie, you’ll get a spotty connection and miss half the movie.

That is bandwidth… it is limited and the more people use it, the less remains for you. Continue reading “The Masterskill… the secret nearly everyone misses”

Why you can’t tell if somebody is smart or how smart…

Why is it that you can’t tell if somebody is smart or not? You can’t tell you are smart… or not either. It is because in the dark all cats are gray

One of the most surprising thing in the world of humans is that humans can’t tell if they are smart or not. This error leads to lives that are not fulfilled. Lives that are filled with fear, trepidation, or on the other extreme: boasting and disappointment.

This is a horrible thing. Do you know what is the worst thing about me for me?

I bet you would not be able to guess, so I’ll share it with you. Continue reading “Why you can’t tell if somebody is smart or how smart…”

What is the path to getting what you want?

You get what you want by playing according to the rules of reality.

But what are the rules of reality?

You may have a delusion or two regarding those rules.

We are born young and little… and the rules for the young and the little of any species are different than the rules for adults. But we humans didn’t get that the rules change… So we live as if the rules for infants and toddlers were still the rules for us, no matter how old we are. In our self-image, in our sense of self we are still young and little… About three years old, when the rules were changed on us. Continue reading “What is the path to getting what you want?”

Is it curiosity or intellectual indigestion?

Human Design, the company, has many suggested ways to eat, except what is missing for most people: Eat when you are hungry.

Why wouldn’t they have that eating style? Because today’s spoiled rotten humanity doesn’t know what hunger is.

With the size of portions that can feed a family… hunger is not possible.

So today’s human eats to mitigate discomfort, most of which is caused by too much food. Continue reading “Is it curiosity or intellectual indigestion?”

At any moment you are either growing or you are dying

At any moment you are either growing or you are dying… but how do you go from dying into growing again?

You can plan for survival, and you can plan for growth

The most important difference, from your point of view is this:

When you plan for survival, every setback threatens you with death, or poverty, lack, illness or shame.

When you plan for growth, every setback is a new opportunity to use your skills to now grow from this new level. Continue reading “At any moment you are either growing or you are dying”

A new lease on life. How I got, unexpectedly, what joy is

joy of livingLast night I had a conversation with myself and Source.

As I shared in my previous post, I have lived my whole life based on an untrue assumption that I was living on borrowed time, and at any time it can be taken away.

I saw that life needs to be set up in a way that matches that base assumption: don’t own anything, travel lightly, don’t get attached, don’t… don’t… don’t…

Don’t love deeply…

All to avoid personal loss. Because all can be taken away in a heartbeat.

It’s not that ‘they’ rob you, you are preemptive: you don’t allow you to have anything.

This sums up my life pretty accurately.

So, the conversation, last night, was about what was the biggest missing that I can put back in now.

joi-de-vivreWe settled on joi de vivre (French for ‘joy of living’, joy of being alive). Source said I can have it.

Activating a feeling and a behavior consistently delivering that feeling is much like activating a capacity after it is turned on… it takes attention, awareness, and action.

Of course, you don’t quite know what action, but you’ll see it.

It started when I jumped under the frigid covers on my bed, cold, miserable, panting.

Then I had the thought that I could actually enjoy it, feel it, like an adventure. I could allow joi de vivre to call the day, not the shock of the cold covers.

That I had a choice.

As it turns out, ‘joy of life’ or even simply joy or happiness is a choice.

It doesn’t come from the circumstance, it comes from within… the willingness to pay attention to what is enjoyable, while having room, having permission for the not enjoyable to be there as well.

  • You can’t have joy if your attention is on trying to will away what you don’t like.
  • You can’t have joy if you simply tolerate what you don’t like.
  • And, of course you can’t have joy if you are just surviving what you are going through.
  • You can’t have joy unless you allow what is, and then find something enjoyable in the situation.

I have been really good at finding funny in situations. And now I can add: finding the enjoyable.

28 years ago I was really depressed when the phone rang. A person I didn’t know called. The conversation went in unexpected ways: she suggested that I would benefit from attending ACOA, adult children of alcoholics. No one drinks in my family… but when she read to me the symptoms, they fit.

The first and most important symptom is ‘I don’t know what fun is’

I didn’t know what people meant by fun. I am, just now, starting to see, that what people call fun is the enjoyment of what one is doing, what one is experiencing, in the moment.

But what people call fun all comes from the belief that fun is a result of something outside of you, something you do, something you take or eat or drink.

So it is not joy… Joy is a result of choice. Choosing where to put the attention, while allowing everything else to remain the same. Choosing is finding. Finding something to enjoy.

dsc-1004Joy is NOT addictive. Fun is. Happiness is.

Addictive means: you need to have more and more of it to have the same effect on you…

Joy doesn’t say ‘what’. It goes and looks for something to enjoy…

When you want to. Your joy comes from within… not from without. Joy is in you, up to you…

And for the first time in my life… I am going to choose joy.

At the risk of falling in love with life…

Want to find out what is stopping you from living life joyously?

Let’s find out why you are not happy

If you manage to take away the ITCH what is left?

Some of my students are starting to see that if they didn’t have the self-concern: The ITCH, they would react to life differently, they would be less upset, they would have a life, maybe, worth living.

So how does this work?

When you are in reality, things are as they are. A is A.It is what it is. Continue reading “If you manage to take away the ITCH what is left?”

Success as the destination causes a failed life

In fact, it is not just success, but any supposedly positive outcome as the focus, as the destination will cause a failed life. As certainly as that the sun will come up in the morning.

I have a student who wants to be worthy.

The question to ask: why? Why would you want to be worthy?

All your wants are fueled by a desire to fix.

It is human nature, it is not personal. What is personal is what you want to fix… not the desire to fix. The desire to fix is universal. Continue reading “Success as the destination causes a failed life”

If you grew up in a dysfunctional family, does it mean…

dysfunctional familyI have been working with my core group… and some of them I have had a difficult time to see why they never put out, why they never do what is theirs to do.

This article to unwrap that issue… and look at behavior differently. The student is judgmental… Has high, impossible standards for others… So let’s see what she could do so she could become a productive person, and maybe love herself…

The dysfunctional family

Here are some behaviors that I say come from this kind of upbringing… growing up in a dysfunctional family. Continue reading “If you grew up in a dysfunctional family, does it mean…”

In life you get what you negotiate… or win…

In life you get what you negotiate. Not what you need. Not what you want. But what you successfully negotiate.

Some truths pop out when you least expect them.

None of my students know how to negotiate. My students are a microcosm… A mirror of the whole damn world. Continue reading “In life you get what you negotiate… or win…”