I am reading an amazing AND disturbing book. Again.
I have been heeding the words of my teacher, Robert S. Hartman, that to fight evil, you need to know evil, intimately. Be able to recognize it everywhere… in yourself and in others.
Like yourself, I prefer to look at pretty, beautiful, harmonious, happy… But if you want to tell the truth, there is not much of that, at least where humans are involved.
Even the best actions a human makes is all about them… all about desire to receive for the self alone. Their reputation, their station in the world, them feeling good about themselves at the expense of another.
I also can’t avoid feeling it… I am an empath. No matter where I go, no matter where I look, some horrid inner turmoil of some person, wholly unrelated to what I am doing, is taking over my body. Ugh.
Desire to receive for the self alone feels like a turmoil, a rift between your two selves.
You and I spend most of our lives trying to fix something that never happened. Not only that it wasn’t wrong… but it never actually happened. Something that was never factually true. Even though you keep telling the story as if it were true. And you don’t know that you are lying.
Some people call these demons… even though there are no demons… but nevertheless, using the expression: fighting your demons is very accurate, if you don’t believe that demons are entities. There are no entities in the visible or invisible Universe.
And yet we are fighting… I call it an itch… a compulsion… something that makes you weird.
Everyone and their brother say you can’t change the past… But what if you can?
One of my favorite movies is ‘Back to the Future 3’
Somehow, by magic, our hero, whose name I forgot, played by Michael J. Fox, gets that him being called a coward, makes him do things that destroy his life. So he makes a different choice, in that past, and changes his future… dramatically.
Every time I watch it, my eyes tear up… I am moved to tears. I am sooo proud of him.
Many people want to run their own business, they want to be entrepreneurs.
But when you observe their behavior, everything points to the fact that that is a pretense.
Why would anyone pretend that? Ultimately that is an expensive pretense… like the boy’s you cried ‘wolf’. Ultimately people stop believing you, and only people who are engaged in the same pretense will.
How do you know what you really want?
Simple: you observe yourself, jot down how much time and attention you give to each thing that occupies your day, and do it for a week.
I am a foreigner. I learned the English words, one by one. Since the age of 10… English was my third language.
I only started to learn the beingness associated with, the beingness indicated by some big words when I came to the United States at age 38 and started the work of transformation.
The first beingness word I looked into was generosity. I was still a beginner at distinguishing.
Distinguishing is the art of precision, astuteness, of what something is and what that something isn’t. What it isn’t will distinguish that thing a lot better, a lot clearer than trying to explain what it is. Interesting, isn’t it? Michelangelo and his David… Removing, in language, the parts of the stone that aren’t David.
I had to learn the hard way what generosity isn’t, how “generosity” can and does make enemies of friends, destroys you in the process, while it builds your ego sky high.