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How psychologists, writers, gurus, get it wrong… and nobody is happy, including them

I looked at pictures of Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi... who wrote the book Flow, and is an expert on talking about happiness. Not being happy, mind you, on researching happiness.

He doesn't look happy, doesn't feel happy (remember, I am an empath).

I even went and found videos where he speaks Hungarian... hoping to find a picture where he is joyful.

Didn't find any. Not even one.

His insightful quote: "People who learn to control inner experience will be able to determine the quality of their lives, which is as close as any of us can come to being happy." is what was missing for him, and what is missing for most people most of the time. Continue reading "How psychologists, writers, gurus, get it wrong… and nobody is happy, including them"

You can have everything, but not at the same time…

Look how hard I try! Look how good I am!

You can have everything, but not at the same time...

In certain areas of life it is obvious... Like eating sugary stuff and weight loss...

But in this work, the work of causing human evolution, from human to human being, I don't address many obvious things, because the secret of evolution is in the invisible domain.

Invisible doesn't mean anything woo woo. It means it is not easy to see it with the naked eye.

Or maybe more importantly, you cannot see it until someone points it out. And then you can see it.

These invisible things we call distinctions: once you see it, you see life differently.

This morning I was going through all the 50 or more tabs that were open in my browser... and found a pdf of an article on rackets in Transactional Analysis.

I have known rackets from Landmark, so I started to read the article.

I was stunned. The distinction "racket" in Transactional Analysis is different and a lot more approachable than in the Landmark version...

I'll do my darned best to start introducing it in this post.

Racket in TA is a feeling, or more precisely said, a feeling you use to extort strokes from others. What you want is strokes, so your spine won't shrivel up... strokes that puts you in balance. Strokes for which you are forcing, cajoling, the unfortunate other... Continue reading "You can have everything, but not at the same time…"

Everyone talks about reprogramming your mind or brain or whatever part they blame for your lack of success and lackluster life.

Everyone talks about reprogramming your mind or brain or whatever part they blame for your lack of success and lackluster life.

When Tiger Wood discovered that his swing that he trained and won with was actually limiting him, he needed to take time out to "reprogram" his body to do the swing differently.

If you try to program the brain while you keep the current programming, you'll be like me... I was in an Israeli supermarket when this French lady came up to me and asked me if I spoke French. Yes, I said. Can you read the English instructions on this box in French for me?

I started to read it in French, I thought, but turned out I read it in Hebrew, or a mix of French and Hebrew: I could not even tell.

The memory of that fiasco stuck in my mind forever: this was 30 plus years ago.

So what do the "reprogram the mind" people do wrong that no one ever gets reprogrammed, and basically we are all screwed if we follow their teachings?

Before you can write something on a blackboard, and make it dominant, you need to erase what is already there. Continue reading "Everyone talks about reprogramming your mind or brain or whatever part they blame for your lack of success and lackluster life."

Desensitizing you to the mind-noise

Desensitizing

the unexamined lifeI watch Netflix series that don't make sense on the surface for me to watch. But when I look, there is no book, no fiction, that would teach me that principle.

I am looking for principles. Principles are a lot like laws. According to the dictionary, a principle is a fundamental truth or proposition that serves as the foundation for a system of belief or behavior or for a chain of reasoning.

When things don't work, there is something you don't see... when things don't work, most of the time what you don't see is that the principle or principles upon which you build the thing that isn't working, are not sound principles.

If your premises are false, wrong, or mistaken, whatever you build on it won't work.

Most of humanity's life is a history of false premises. All the statements of what humans are supposed to do, allowed to do, are false premises, popped out of someone's near-sighted, or skewed brain. Continue reading "Desensitizing you to the mind-noise"

Imagining success, imagining stuff… here is what really happens…

Unless you know what creates your sky high desire number, and your unbridgeable gap between reality and your delusion... you need to learn where it comes from, what feeds it, and what is the feeder's goal.

Your guiding principle should be: If in 30% you don't know who is the sucker in the room, then it's you. You are the sucker.

So how are you made the sucker? And how come you don't know?

The mind, that storage/imaging device that is part of your brain, is really stupid. It really believes everything it hears.

You do "imagine" exercises, and the mind believes that it's there.

Now, what good does that do to you? None, I say... no matter what your "wealth conditioning" expert teaches you.

It gives you delusions, and a delusional person becomes the next sucker... plain and simple. Continue reading "Imagining success, imagining stuff… here is what really happens…"

What is the source of your bad feelings? The bad feelings you try to suppress or fix…

Almost all bad feelings you have come as a result of your delusional self, your precious "I" is scared of being devalued.

It is as if you were a gold plated coin pretending to be solid gold, and life would be continually threatening you to reveal your fakeness.

I used to be like you. I felt that there was a big gap between my accomplishments and my abilities... and maybe there was.

But most importantly, every little error, every little mistake I made or even just faced!!! jerked me down a hellish path... filling me with dread, and fear, and remorse, and regret, and who even knows words for those horrible feelings.

And mistakes? I made plenty.

I misunderstood, I jumped into conclusion, I tried to do something too fast before I even saw what the heck I was supposed to do... Put my foot in the mouth... lol.

40+ times a day. Continue reading "What is the source of your bad feelings? The bad feelings you try to suppress or fix…"

Playground: The One Ring Method

If you love yourself, you love your life.

It sounds so good, but how could you? How could you love yourself, knowing all the horrible things you have done?!

Last night, after the Playground, after I turned the light off... memories of those horrible things started to revisit.

After about 10-15 minutes of that I was feeling really horrible, doubting that I can do any good in the world. And then it hit me: none of the horrible things I said I did ever happened.

What? was I lying to myself? Continue reading "Playground: The One Ring Method"

You are a racketeer. Small time, bit player. Smoke and mirrors…

Why is drama a racket? Why is it never real...

Life is never dramatic. The drama is added by the onlookers or the participants.

Things happen. And you do what you do. You may get mauled, killed, or laughed at. But drama only happens in your head... it is never out there.

You look in the mirror and you see what you see.

I look in the mirror and I see loser. Why? I don't care. I know there is no loser there... in fact there is no loser anywhere. so I have a choice: make drama or not make drama.

Most of my life, like everyone, I was making drama.

I found clever or not so clever ways to make people say that I was a loser or something like it. Other ways to prove I was or I wasn't.

Life was a drama around being a loser. Continue reading "You are a racketeer. Small time, bit player. Smoke and mirrors…"

Mental toughness assessment: How do you score?

Mental toughness assessment: is that a move? A technique? Can it be learned?
Mental toughness... is it really needed, and if it is, how do you develop into a mentally tough person?

One of my starting point measurements, the Twitchy Little Bastard score is about mental toughness. 1

99% of the people I measure have a TLB 1... meaning that they have NO mental toughness. Meaning that at the moment of threat, discomfort, challenge, they make a beeline to something easy, pleasurable, and safe.

But all the things you have ever wanted are on the other side of difficult, uncomfortable, challenging, hard, or maybe even painful.

Continue reading "Mental toughness assessment: How do you score?"

Your behavior is always consistent with what you see… All your mistakes come from here…

Your behavior is always consistent with what you see.

And what you see depends 100% of your available capacities.

You don't even look... because you know what is there... you know there is nothing to see.

The difference between a blind person and you is that the blind person knows she cannot see.

Why can't you see? For two reasons: Continue reading "Your behavior is always consistent with what you see… All your mistakes come from here…"