How we keep our self-worth, self-value low in life… new insights

I have been posting my articles on Medium, an online platform, for the past two years. This morning I was tallying up what articles were well read, well thought of… and was pondering if I should write articles that people like, or if I should continue writing articles that people need. Articles that only I can write… writing those is more fun for me.

I can look at the question through many different “filters”… integrity, i.e. being true to myself. Being true to my principle: “Never doing anything for money that I wouldn’t want to do for free.” or the newest distinction for me: project mode vs process mode.

Wanting more article likes is project mode. Writing articles is being with what I am writing, and the articles will produce the results they will: this is the process mode.

Learning

Learning new things is both exciting, and humbling. More humbling, in a way, than exciting. I never really want to learn anything new, not about myself, not about life, not about people, not about anything. I already know enough, says a part of me… and I break out in hives (figuratively) at the option of learning something new.

And then, when I do learn something new, I have to process it, and rebuild my self-view, maybe even my world view. It could be fun, but it really not pleasant.

If you consider that this is what I ask from other people, for a living, I could be viewed pretty “inauthentic”… looked in one way. I don’t think I am, I feel the pain it cost people to learn something new, and have compassion: see where they are at and am willing to help them through.

Yesterday’s article on the two hemispheres of the brain

Yesterday’s article was the result of a huge learning, and I didn’t hear any echo until this morning. Even this morning it wasn’t any talking about what I wrote: instead I got an example of how it is true, that when you move from the high mind-share, high about-me score, you have creativity and joy available to you.

What I didn’t see, and one of my students taught me, is that the project mode, when you are hellbent on getting the result, and put up with the process that you’d rather not have to go through, you are in the mind: the only place the future exists, you are in about-me mode, and you are in left-brain mode, even if you are doing “art”. Of some supposedly joyful thing, like a game, or sex, or a conversation.

When you shift into process mode, you are in the present moment, and that is definitely not mind. Mind doesn’t even know about the present moment.

This traditionally project mode student of mine did this shift, and for the first time he experienced joy and creativity (his one art is songwriting, he has others) and called his state: “I am better than ever.” The joy was tangible in his voice.

And that joy, that “being hooked up” to the divine source of joy, creativity, transcendence is available all the time, not like the project mode that has a time and a place and a duration… what most people seem to crave.

——————

The strait jacket of identity… and the string that move the puppet

This same student brought up an issue that has caused another unwanted learning for me (what I am referring to in the title of this article).

He was pondering and examining why he has the urge to teach his mother what he knows to teach… even though it always leaves him with a sense of emptiness and futility.

I recognized myself in that… I have been getting better at avoiding this, but only with a lot of self-discipline, using my short supply of will… to stop myself.

Maybe that is why, on days when I see people who I could teach, who don’t want to learn, never asked for it, don’t want it, don’t appreciate it, I get very tired, drained, and have suddenly no joy.

What’s going on in the invisible?

Most everyone had an incident in their lives where what they said or did was not appreciated, not heard, not valued, and now they are trying to fix it.

The problem is: you cannot fix anything that is not wrong.

If a screw falls out: you can put it back. If a vase breaks, you can glue it together, but if your diagnosis of what was “wrong”, amiss, is mistaken, all your efforts at fixing it won’t fix it: because it wasn’t broken to begin with.

We spend most of our lives trying to fix what never happened, what wasn’t real to begin with.

  • My decision was, about my failure to be heard, is that I was worthless, a throwaway, not valuable.
  • My student’s decision was, in his incident, that he can’t… Can’t possibly do what life wants him to do… no matter what he does.
  • And his Playground partner’s, in relationships, said: “I can’t win… not even if I yell”

And each person, who’s ever  experienced a “failure to be enough” in an incident, invented a fix… and that’s become part of the identity they are today.

  • I am hellbent on providing unique value, proving that I am smart
  • My student became well spoken
  • His Playground partner (I don’t want to use names for privacy) became alternately bombastic and meek and self-sacrificing in the face of people opposing him or wanting something from him.

All inauthentic ways of being… perpetuating the original failure to be…

  • …in my case to be seen by my mother as a person,
  • in my student’s case: being able to do what he was asked to do (mediate between his parents at a young age) and
  • in the case of his Playground partner: be able to be heard as capable and valid.

I have written a lot about being a puppet on a string: this is one example you are a puppet on a string… perpetually being pulled in to recreate an early misery… feeling less than… without having much power over it.

It is an invisible dynamic, and until it is revealed, fully seen for what it is, it will continue doing its dance, uninterrupted, at the expense of your joy, power, and self-expression.

It occurs to me that I could measure to what degree you have self-value…

  • My student: 10%
  • His partner: 10%
  • Me: 30%

This is not the same measure as overvaluing one’s worth as in delusion (also measured in the Starting Point Measurements.) It is what you bring into every conversation… what you hope is higher, but it is you who does whatever you need to do to keep it at the level you decided when you were young and someone invalidated you.

I lived most of my life with a low self-worth, a low self-value of 3% and have managed to overcome that impediment, somewhat, recently. I’d like to up it… but have no idea what I would need to do… so it’s time to have a heart to hearth with Source about that.

xxx

It is Tuesday and I get my weekly horoscope by Rob Brezsny in my inbox on Tuesdays.

Today, it seems, for the first time, his non-horoscope type content was so in sync with what is going on in my courses and for my students, that I had a feeling that I may be on the right track, doing the right thing, and the Universe agrees with me. Here are a few quotes from what he says in the email, and my comments:

THE MORE ACCIDENTAL, THE MORE TRUE

“The more accidental, the more true,” wrote Boris Pasternak. Scholar Mikhail Epstein expanded this observation: “The more accidental the phenomenon, the more divine its nature, for the divine is what has not been envisioned, what cannot be deduced from general rules, nor irreducible to them.”

If we pursue this line of thought to its logical conclusion, we may decide that the most useful sources of illumination are not always holy books, revered dogma, and great truths that everyone has heard. They might also be serendipitous anomalies that erupt into the daily routine and break the trance of ordinary awareness.

“The tiny spark,” Epstein writes, “is the precise measure of the holiness of the world.”

(Source: Mikhail Epstein, “Judaic Spiritual Traditions in the Poetry of Pasternak and Mandel’shtam.” Translated from Russian by Ruth Rischin.)

The nature of evil

To the degree that we stop projecting evil onto others and face it and deal with it in ourselves, we are far more likely to act with moral equanimity (mental calmness, composure, and evenness of temper, especially in a difficult situation.) toward everyone else.

Our effort to wrangle (argue) compassionately with the shadow within us is an effective ground-level way to purify and strengthen our efforts to help and redeem the outer world

Where to look for evil?

“If only it were all so simple! If only there were evil people somewhere insidiously committing evil deeds, and it were necessary only to separate them from the rest of us and destroy them. But the line dividing good and evil cuts through the heart of every human being. And who is willing to destroy a piece of his own heart?”
— Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn

Become all you can become? Why? How? Aren’t you already all you can become?

Yesterday I spent about four hours listening to Jordan Peterson. The material I listened to was a truth value of 30%… not bad.

In some ways Jordan Peterson, the teacher, and I, the teacher, deal with the same things: people don’t see why they should learn.

Many reasons, I see, but one of them is fundamental, and also invisible, meaning it is an invisible part of reality, the part that is below the sea level of the iceberg. It’s not hidden, as one of my students says… although Werner calls the process that makes it visible “unconcealing” suggesting that it is concealed, which is another word for hidden.

According to Kabbalah, 90% of reality is also hidden, so maybe I should call it hidden… but I prefer invisible… sue me if you don’t like it. Continue reading “Become all you can become? Why? How? Aren’t you already all you can become?”

Telling the truth will set you free. The counter-intuitive path to happiness

Most people won’t adhere to a diet that would make them healthy.

Stupidity? Yes, stupidity on a very deep selfish gene level. 1

It’s NOT that they don’t understand the price they are paying.

It’s that they make choices that the genes are making: not making waves, not bringing attention to themselves, not being different, fitting in is more important than being healthy, having energy, feeling good, calm, being intelligent.

Almost everything “social” is gene directed. I say “almost” because I am humble. I don’t know any social that is NOT gene directed, but there could be, maybe.

So what do the selfish genes want?

Continue reading “Telling the truth will set you free. The counter-intuitive path to happiness”

Do you spend time with yourself? Or are you trying to be busy all the time? What does that say about you?

Your soul, your spirit, knows right from wrong

If it only had an opportunity to talk to you, to be heard, you’d probably consider stopping doing the wrongs that you do, if only to have peace inside, to have less tension, to have more joy.

The two selves we all have are twins separated at birth… one grows according to DNA, the other according to outside influences… nature vs. nurture.

The further “nurture” makes the one twin (self) go, the worse the relationship becomes, the more, whenever they get to see each other, the one hates the other. Which one is doing the hating, you ask? Continue reading “Do you spend time with yourself? Or are you trying to be busy all the time? What does that say about you?”

What is the shelf life of your word?

transcript:

Okay. This is part two for whatever day it is. Thursday. So what I said in the previous segment is that until you can tell the difference between what you say and what the machine says, there’s no chance that you can change your context. Now, it’s a little bit deeper than that. Because … and that’s why without integrity nothing works. It’s an integrity issue. Now, we consider integrity in a very pedestrian way. You don’t cheat, you don’t lie, you keep the Ten Commandments and all that morality issue. But, that is not what integrity really is.

Integrity is that, but it is just the bottom of integrity. The real integrity has something to do with word.

Continue reading “What is the shelf life of your word?”

seesaw, fractals, ess, anna karenina principle… all are facets of the same reality

these are the pictures i mention in the audio. also carey reams and his rbti

Can you achieve perfection? Can you always do the right thing? Is there such a thing as perfect integrity? Can you have 100% truth value?

As you may know, I live by principles, here is one of the principles… more to come in this article:

It is hard to be silently brilliant: lots of thoughts occur when you open your mouth.

But not all thoughts that occur are brilliant… not in a person who isn’t opening his mouth… 1 or who are saying the same things over and over again.

Things not worth thinking are also things not worth saying but you don’t know that until you hear the echo. 2

What happens when you speak?

Humans didn’t quite become humans until they had something to say. But speaking doesn’t make someone human: having something worth to say does.

70% of humanity, more than five billions people have nothing worth to say.

Continue reading “Can you achieve perfection? Can you always do the right thing? Is there such a thing as perfect integrity? Can you have 100% truth value?”

Why are you not able to sustain a new mindset? Sustain Change? Sustain Evolution? Sustain Growth?

Update: if you think you don’t retain or sustain a new mindset, chances are, you never internalized it, so there is nothing to retain or sustain. Same with transformation.

Before we can talk about retaining: first you have to have it… you cannot lose what you never had. Thinking you had it is not the same as having it.

Thinking about flying isn’t… So beware, if you come back to this post over and over again, you are probably delusional… So snap out of it. Have something so you can lose it… Learn how to attain, and then if you lose it, then this article is for you…

Yesterday I spent 90 minutes with my coaching client.

This is what I learned:

You are not retaining any of the insights, any of the knowledge you read. And because my site, my programs need you to retain what you were taught, my programs, with you, are wholly ineffective.

I already saw this when I was in Landmark programs: I saw that even seminar leaders don’t retain the knowledge, the coaching, they get.

Change is not enough. We must evolve… evolution is irreversible

Every new seminar they start from zero, or near zero.

I retain everything. But what is the difference between them and me, you and me? Am I superior? Am I special?

So solving this puzzle has been the biggest mountain to climb for me.

It is not that I am smarter. it is not that.

I got the clue from Atlas Shrugged… I knew I had a reason to read it again (third time) I just didn’t know what it was.
Continue reading “Why are you not able to sustain a new mindset? Sustain Change? Sustain Evolution? Sustain Growth?”

Are you planting enough seeds so that you can have a rich harvest come fall?

If we took an inventory of your life… If I followed you around for a day, a week, a month… How many of your actions are planting seeds for the future you desire, how many are planting seeds to no results, or undesired results?

Most people plant no seeds. Some plant seeds but then forget about watering them, and the weeds or the dryness kills the seeds before they can even sprout.

Most people think that the world rotates around them, should play according to their rules, and their rules are: give it to me now, because I want it.

Manifestation, the law of attraction, mind movies, instant healing, the “bars”, incantation, shamanism, and thousands of fraudulent abusive modalities all capitalize on this warped world view to make it all right for you.

But they are lies, frauds, intentionally misleading you. And you are willing. It turns my stomach. Continue reading “Are you planting enough seeds so that you can have a rich harvest come fall?”

How you fake your consciousness…

Your level of vibration closely correlates with your level of integrity. And the vibration of humans is dropping about 10 points a year…

I am working on the integrity workshop coming up in two days, and am starting to see why someone with less than 200 vibration is focusing on the actions, instead of the context.

The hallmark of low vibration is to see only what is visible… the obvious.

Not surprisingly the level of integrity closely matches the level of vibration… and trying to change the actions is an inefficient and ineffective way to integrity. Continue reading “How you fake your consciousness…”