Men, women, different issues to deal with

Men and women are supposedly the same species, but I have my doubts.

So, as you might have noticed, I often treat them as separate and distinct species.

I am doing this only for the second time: I have decided to have a separate Playground Program for men and women. Continue reading "Men, women, different issues to deal with"

Principle: Make your plane land on the landing strip, regardless of the weather

make your plane go where you want it to goI have been "harping" on this with my students: hear the principle first, and then hear the rest...

If I asked you (Cinderella) to separate the wheat from the chaff... what would you do first? If you are like me, you first find out what is the difference... in looks, in weight, and then start separating them accordingly.

I even used to use this capacity (oh, forgot to say, it's a capacity!) to hire or not hire someone to work with me. I would ask someone to separate a pile of things by their category...

For you Everything is the same as everything else ... except not always

Universally missing capacity... I found out.  The underlying capacity can be said with these words: be able to tell the forest for the trees. Continue reading "Principle: Make your plane land on the landing strip, regardless of the weather"

Do You Rock, or Do You Wait to be Rocked? Can you be coached?

Do You Rock, or Do You Wait to be Rocked?

or "Coaching and your ambition number..."

There are two main widely diverging schools of coaching that I can see.

  • One is like a cheerleader or motivator... the coach is trying to get water from a rock...
  • The other, the coaching I practice, is very different.

The principle of the second type of coaching: you can only coach someone who is in action. You can redirect them... but they have to be in movement. It is not my job or responsibility to get you into movement. Continue reading "Do You Rock, or Do You Wait to be Rocked? Can you be coached?"

Coaching that gets results vs. coaching that sounds so transformational!

Being a coach is easy if you have no idea what they are doing, because you have never done it.

You just do what everyone else does, and hope for the best.

A "normal" coach only knows what they learned. Tree of Knowledge. Not worthless, but not authentic.

Most coaches have a mixed bag: they did some things, and learned others.

And a master coach is someone who not only has done it, but has done it successfully... and has produced success. Continue reading "Coaching that gets results vs. coaching that sounds so transformational!"

Reframing: State change: Changing your emotional state

Frame: state change. Causing yourself or another to change their emotional state, aka attitude.

The myth of "IS"

One of the invisible tools the memes use, the memes that keep us trapped and unable to take control of our lives is to spew "is" on us.

OK, that was a long sentence. let me see if I can reword it. The memes freeze us into a life where we have no power. It is in the wording. The freezing power comes from the wording.

We have spoken about the having to, needing to, wanting to, and should... these are a group of tools the memes use to rob us of our own power, and render us puppets.

The tool that renders us powerless to change is the improper use of "is".

  • Whenever you feel you need to change, this meme tool is at work.
  • Whenever you point a blaming finger at yourself, at the world, or at others, this meme tool is at work.
  • It is under learned helplessness. It is under resignation, cynicism, and unless you learn to recognize it, you'll fight it... like Don Quixote was fighting the windmills. No chance to win.

Continue reading "Reframing: State change: Changing your emotional state"

The Matrix… one method of the Matrix is confusion…

Just for clarification: the Matrix is the same as the Chicken Coop in the novel, White Tiger...

As a mad scientist, my job is to distinguish the "things" that are in your way of direction, in your way of clarity, and to devise ways for you to go around them or through them. 1

One tool that has proven invaluable is isolation. Isolating what you want to see. Seeing it by itself. So you can see it for what it is, in all its glory...

In nature, to our eyes, things are grouped, things are undifferentiated and solid.

Your language supports that too... everything is the same as everything else, except not always. 2 That is how we see. We don't see boundaries, we don't separate out what we want to see, we always see things together. We say: it IS... but there is no "it" and therefore there is no "is". If we said: It seems that ... then we would be closer to reality... but we don't say that. That would require humility.
Continue reading "The Matrix… one method of the Matrix is confusion…"

What if getting unstuck is a formula? or How to be a Houdini?

stuck... really stuckYou are nearly always stuck. You may not notice, because you are not rocking the boat, shaking the tree, you are not trying for more, better or different, you are sleepwalking.

When I say "you" I mean, you, me, everyone.

And I am sleepwalking too, but at least some of the time I am conscious of it.

Now... where is this going... right? Do you have to say something, Sophie? yes, I do.

Yesterday was one of those "trouble comes in three's..." day.

My landlord said something that scared the bejesus out of me... it looks he wants me to move, or else. One of my students got mad at me and quit. And it looked I was on my own getting groceries... the store is far... and the groceries are heavy.

So I saw that regardless of my normally quiet mind, sleep was largely out of question. So I read thill 12:30, and got up at five. And sat down to work.

It, life, my life, looked hopeless. I felt stuck. It felt real. Continue reading "What if getting unstuck is a formula? or How to be a Houdini?"

Chances are: you don’t know who you are, and you don’t know what would really please you

We are all entrepreneurs, potentially.

The principle is: an entrepreneur is someone who remakes the world in the image of themselves.

There are a few problems we'll have with this principle:

The main problem is that we have no idea who we are, how we are, what we really like, what are our strengths, what are our weaknesses.

We keep ourselves so busy with irrelevant stuff, that we never have a chance to see how we are when things are relevant.

Back in 1988, I started a magazine. I was one person. Sold ads, designed the ads, wrote the articles, distributed the magazines to stores that gave them away for free.

I made enough money the first month to live on, and did that for quite a few months... but...
Continue reading "Chances are: you don’t know who you are, and you don’t know what would really please you"

Change your perspective… asking questions that upset your status quo

In the 67 steps there is a method to make decisions using a calculator. 1

Nine out of ten students skip it, the one that does it does it shabbily. Students won't do it or won't do it right even after I send them back to do it.

Why? Because the method uses questions that you don't want to ask. Why? Because they upset the apple cart.

I read a book, years ago, by a therapist, for people who can't make a decision to leave or to leave... 2 The one question that no one asked before was: when it was the best: was it really good?

I was in a relationship when I first read that book, so I asked the question and looked. And then looked at every relationship I had ever had. I found that even when it was the best, it wasn't really good... for me. As hard as it was to accept that, I decided that I am not going to live on crumbs any more... I am happiest alone, married to my life-purpose... I left and I have been a lot happier ever since.

A new question is a change in perspective...

Continue reading "Change your perspective… asking questions that upset your status quo"

The Attitude That Will Help You Climb The Tree Of Life

An attitude is an approach. It is the result of an internal conversation we are having with ourselves. An attitude is 100% in your power, even if you don't feel you can change it. And true: you don't change it directly. You change the conversation, the things you say to yourself.

We are taught in the Tree of Knowledge culture to have a strong "why" for our actions. A reason, and agenda, a purpose to what we want to do.

This attitude will keep you on the Tree of Knowledge, and will keep you wretched: the Tree of Knowledge is the home of wretched living.

For people who have a real hard time conjuring up a big why out of nothing, this may be good news. For people who have invested a lot into growing their desire, visualizing, vision mapping, mind movies, and other happy horse shit, this is going to be really hard, and will feel unnatural.

The attitude that will help you climb the tree of life is the same attitude a guy, George Mallory, a mountaineer,  had for climbing Mount Everest...

Continue reading "The Attitude That Will Help You Climb The Tree Of Life"