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How to become someone who can make good decisions that really serve you?

Is it worth it? Is it worth the bother, the effort, the work? Will it get me finally what I want?

One of the reasons people don't like to try new things is because they cannot judge whether they can do it or not. Whether it will be easy or not. Whether it will be pleasant and enjoyable or not.

How come? Why is it so difficult? Life is complex, and most of us have no tolerance for complexity. Complexity, ambivalence, ambiguity are normal, but the capacity to hold them becomes available to you in only at a certain brain development age... If you got stuck in young child brain development, that is most people, you have never developed the capacity.

Can you develop this capacity now? Of course you can. What is preventing you from doing it? Your low TLB number... you are a Twitchy Little Bastard... and you can't deal with complexity, confusion, or looking long enough to actually see something.

Some of my students, when they learned about my habit of looking long and more than just once... as a way to deal with my dyslexia, have started to practice the same... and their ability to hold controversy and ambivalence has increased... because of that practice. But if you fancy yourself smart, quick, etc. Looking long and hard is going to be difficult, because your precious "I" will tell you that only stupid people look long and hard.

Actually the opposite is true: your precious "I" is deceiving you and keeping you... eh... stupid. In the stupid as the stupid does sense. Continue reading "How to become someone who can make good decisions that really serve you?"

True humility is not thinking less of yourself; it is thinking of yourself less.

Be Better at Life by Thinking of Yourself Less

The power of self-transcendence. In a paradoxical twist, research suggests that the less we think about ourselves, the better we become. Self-transcendence not only allows us to overcome our greatest fears and break through our limits, but it also improves our performance in less heroic, everyday activities.

The measure inside the Starting Point Measurements, the measure that asks to what percent you think of yourself is confusing to most people.

They think that the higher the number is the more selfish they are. Selfish... bad.

They think that they selfishly think of themselves instead of others.

But... here there is a big but, that you won't like. Why? Because it is counter-cultural. Culture says that you should think about others. You should live for others. You should sacrifice yourself for others... Doesn't it say that?

But if you think of others: your number will still be high...

Continue reading "True humility is not thinking less of yourself; it is thinking of yourself less."

Chances are: you don’t know who you are, and you don’t know what would really please you

We are all entrepreneurs, potentially.

The principle is: an entrepreneur is someone who remakes the world in the image of themselves.

There are a few problems we'll have with this principle:

The main problem is that we have no idea who we are, how we are, what we really like, what are our strengths, what are our weaknesses.

We keep ourselves so busy with irrelevant stuff, that we never have a chance to see how we are when things are relevant.

Back in 1988, I started a magazine. I was one person. Sold ads, designed the ads, wrote the articles, distributed the magazines to stores that gave them away for free.

I made enough money the first month to live on, and did that for quite a few months... but...
Continue reading "Chances are: you don’t know who you are, and you don’t know what would really please you"

Change your perspective… asking questions that upset your status quo

In the 67 steps there is a method to make decisions using a calculator. 1

Nine out of ten students skip it, the one that does it does it shabbily. Students won't do it or won't do it right even after I send them back to do it.

Why? Because the method uses questions that you don't want to ask. Why? Because they upset the apple cart.

I read a book, years ago, by a therapist, for people who can't make a decision to leave or to leave... 2 The one question that no one asked before was: when it was the best: was it really good?

I was in a relationship when I first read that book, so I asked the question and looked. And then looked at every relationship I had ever had. I found that even when it was the best, it wasn't really good... for me. As hard as it was to accept that, I decided that I am not going to live on crumbs any more... I am happiest alone, married to my life-purpose... I left and I have been a lot happier ever since.

A new question is a change in perspective...

Continue reading "Change your perspective… asking questions that upset your status quo"

What’s your mission in life? YOUR mission… not what others want your mission to be!

What's your mission in life? Everyone and their brother is asking this question...

The question indicates that you should have a mission... You should have a purpose... or else...

But why is that? Are people misleading you or is it true that if you have a mission, if you have a purpose then life is better? Let's do some looking together, ok? 1

Some people also tell you to follow your passion. Or they tell you to find your purpose.

Both of those feel too big and both say, find... intimating that there is a passion, a purpose with your name on it. Pre-ordained, given to you by god, or by your birth date... or maybe your soul correction?

But if you have passions, you know that your passions may change over time.

Continue reading "What’s your mission in life? YOUR mission… not what others want your mission to be!"

FOUR ADDICTIONS or why people whose job is to help you, can’t and won’t

Here is a quote from Rob Brezsny's weekly newsletter to illustrate that "For every complex problem there is an answer that is clear, simple, and wrong".

Answers that sound like solutions... but aren't... they just hide the problem deeper... so we get further away from the truth.

Our ability to pursue our dreams can be inhibited by four addictions:

1. an addiction to what other people think of us;
2. an addiction to creating melodrama in a misguided quest for excitement;
3. an addiction to believing we're imprisoned by what happened in the past;
4. an addiction to negative thoughts that fill us with anxiety.
(Thanks to success coach Tom Ferry for these ideas.)

The good news is that it is your birthright to beat all four of those addictions. The work won't come fast or early, and it may never be perfect. But it's quite possible

The above is an example of how coaches teach us. It's all surface. Simple, easy, and not true. 99% of what you find in books on the internet, in articles, is simple, easy, and not true.

Explanations exist; they have existed for all time; there is always a well-known solution to every human problem — neat, plausible, and wrong. H.L. Mencken

Continue reading "FOUR ADDICTIONS or why people whose job is to help you, can’t and won’t"

What does that nice cup of coffee or tea have to do with your TLB, your ability to have a Self?

More about your TLB... how much voice do YOU have in the chorus of the voices that live in your head?

It's Thursday morning, and I am starting a new experiment.

Yesterday I discovered that I have no idea what it is like to eat when you have an appetite. I observed myself, and I solely eat, have been eating, for taste. Texture. The mouthfeel.

But my physiology wants me to eat for appetite. 2 Bummer, I don't know the first thing about appetite... 🙁

I look at different languages to get a clue... In Hungarian appetite, the word, says "the desire to eat". Hm. In other languages there are appetizers... that make that desire to eat bigger, or maybe to wake up the dormant desire? Continue reading "What does that nice cup of coffee or tea have to do with your TLB, your ability to have a Self?"

When you have to move on…

In 1975, somewhere early spring, I was hugging my soon to be ex boy friend as hard as I could. He packed his car and was moving back to his parents.

I was sobbing. I told him I loved him.

When his car disappeared around the curve, I wiped my tears and sighed a sigh of freedom.

I asked him to leave. And I cried.

I didn't make sense to myself, but often you don't, and you shouldn't.

Making sense means: your past is defining your future.

Loving someone doesn't mean that staying with them is the best path for you.

You might be like me, your path will be long and arduous.

I had to go deeper, I had to go lower, I had to lose a lot more than just the security of a loving relationship, for me to find my own path. Continue reading "When you have to move on…"

Can you conquer your laziness, your lack of action, your slacker nature… Your sissy nature?

In this article we'll go deep into what's going on, inside you, that fails you... We'll look at different schools of thought to do that. Understanding the inner dynamic is the first step towards success.

That, and knowing that every number in your Starting Point Measurements can be changed... Nothing is fixed. Not even your DNA.

If you look at yourself and your behavior, and then compare it with what you say, what you've said, there is rarely any similarity between the person who spoke and the person who acts.

It's quite confusing.

If the mindpower people were correct, if their model were accurate, your actions would come from your thoughts.

But they don't... Continue reading "Can you conquer your laziness, your lack of action, your slacker nature… Your sissy nature?"

There is no such thing as enlightenment…

There is no such thing as enlightenment. There is moving to and living on the Tree of Life, raising your vibration, but enlightenment: it is a concept to dupe the gullible to strive for enlightenment, believe in instant salvation, and to give up personal growth and learning... all OK on the Tree of Knowledge.

Our civilization, the Tree of Knowledge culture is full of ideas that are just simply not true, but keep you running in place forever, craving, longing, yearning, and never attaining what you yearn for.

I could say that I am a myth buster, but being a myth buster is like being a revolutionary: just stirring up dirt, bringing the bottom to top is not useful: all the revolutions in the world resulted in more of the same.

So that path is not for me.

I prefer to go for the Original Design... going back 7,000 years, going back to the Tree of Life way of living and thinking.

Life comes to people without a manual. In many ways bibles, the Gita, the Koran, scriptures could be manuals to some aspects of life, but they are so full of mysticism, and bull, that they are useless except for the most astute... and their number is in the tens in the world, not even in the hundreds. I know only of one...
Continue reading "There is no such thing as enlightenment…"