Is it worth it? Is it worth the bother, the effort, the work? Will it get me finally what I want?
One of the reasons people don't like to try new things is because they cannot judge whether they can do it or not. Whether it will be easy or not. Whether it will be pleasant and enjoyable or not.
How come? Why is it so difficult? Life is complex, and most of us have no tolerance for complexity. Complexity, ambivalence, ambiguity are normal, but the capacity to hold them becomes available to you in only at a certain brain development age... If you got stuck in young child brain development, that is most people, you have never developed the capacity.
Can you develop this capacity now? Of course you can. What is preventing you from doing it? Your low TLB number... you are a Twitchy Little Bastard... and you can't deal with complexity, confusion, or looking long enough to actually see something.
Some of my students, when they learned about my habit of looking long and more than just once... as a way to deal with my dyslexia, have started to practice the same... and their ability to hold controversy and ambivalence has increased... because of that practice. But if you fancy yourself smart, quick, etc. Looking long and hard is going to be difficult, because your precious "I" will tell you that only stupid people look long and hard.
The power of self-transcendence. In a paradoxical twist, research suggests that the less we think about ourselves, the better we become. Self-transcendence not only allows us to overcome our greatest fears and break through our limits, but it also improves our performance in less heroic, everyday activities.
The measure inside the Starting Point Measurements, the measure that asks to what percent you think of yourself is confusing to most people.
They think that the higher the number is the more selfish they are. Selfish... bad.
They think that they selfishly think of themselves instead of others.
But... here there is a big but, that you won't like. Why? Because it is counter-cultural. Culture says that you should think about others. You should live for others. You should sacrifice yourself for others... Doesn't it say that?
But if you think of others: your number will still be high...
In the 67 steps there is a method to make decisions using a calculator. 1
Nine out of ten students skip it, the one that does it does it shabbily. Students won't do it or won't do it right even after I send them back to do it.
Why? Because the method uses questions that you don't want to ask. Why? Because they upset the apple cart.
I read a book, years ago, by a therapist, for people who can't make a decision to leave or to leave... 2 The one question that no one asked before was: when it was the best: was it really good?
I was in a relationship when I first read that book, so I asked the question and looked. And then looked at every relationship I had ever had. I found that even when it was the best, it wasn't really good... for me. As hard as it was to accept that, I decided that I am not going to live on crumbs any more... I am happiest alone, married to my life-purpose... I left and I have been a lot happier ever since.
What's your mission in life? Everyone and their brother is asking this question...
The question indicates that you should have a mission... You should have a purpose... or else...
But why is that? Are people misleading you or is it true that if you have a mission, if you have a purpose then life is better? Let's do some looking together, ok? 1
Some people also tell you to follow your passion. Or they tell you to find your purpose.
Both of those feel too big and both say, find... intimating that there is a passion, a purpose with your name on it. Pre-ordained, given to you by god, or by your birth date... or maybe your soul correction?
But if you have passions, you know that your passions may change over time.
Answers that sound like solutions... but aren't... they just hide the problem deeper... so we get further away from the truth.
Our ability to pursue our dreams can be inhibited by four addictions:
1. an addiction to what other people think of us;
2. an addiction to creating melodrama in a misguided quest for excitement;
3. an addiction to believing we're imprisoned by what happened in the past;
4. an addiction to negative thoughts that fill us with anxiety.
(Thanks to success coach Tom Ferry for these ideas.)
The good news is that it is your birthright to beat all four of those addictions. The work won't come fast or early, and it may never be perfect. But it's quite possible
The above is an example of how coaches teach us. It's all surface. Simple, easy, and not true. 99% of what you find in books on the internet, in articles, is simple, easy, and not true.
Explanations exist; they have existed for all time; there is always a well-known solution to every human problem — neat, plausible, and wrong. H.L. Mencken