Do you meet others’ expectation of you? No? Don’t care? There is a price to pay…

If you are on this site, you will find yourself, more or less, in this article. And it may change your life.

A student writes,

Hi Sophie, I think I take trivial and superficial things too seriously. How can I let go of these immaterial incidents or people and focus on important things that truly matter to me?

this was my answer

“This is the sign of two things: 1. your map of reality isn’t very similar to reality. 2. you have too much importance attached to nice words about you… i.e. you want to be defined by words not by your actions.
Continue reading “Do you meet others’ expectation of you? No? Don’t care? There is a price to pay…”

Focus on the things you can control… but what can you really control?

things you can controlYou can only control what belongs to you… Your thoughts, your feelings, your emotions don’t belong to you. Your actions, your attitude, what you actually heed, what you say… they do belong to you.

They are interestingly difficult to see… they are hidden from your view, overcrowded by noise.

We call these here: invisible dynamics. They are tiny machines, their behavior is predictable, manageable, and their effect on your life are detrimental. Continue reading “Focus on the things you can control… but what can you really control?”

Is it too late for you? Is it too late for you to change?

What do I mean too late? I mean this: The chains of habit are too light to be felt until they are too heavy to be broken

This saying sounds like the god honest truth, doesn’t it? But when I muscle test, it is only 20% true…

Why is the truth value of something universally accepted as truth?

It is true, because it takes effort and intention and commitment to break bad habits. And we, humans, are not very motivated to change any habit, let alone a habit that gets us pleasure… in another name, payoffs. But when people can see, when people can own that they pay with their lives, a lot more people are interested and are willing to make efforts…

The biggest hindrance is the goodies… What goodies? you ask. Continue reading “Is it too late for you? Is it too late for you to change?”

What does it mean to be in sync with Life? to fall in step with life? In harmony with life?

…But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid…

The first fish that left the water realized that moving about with what it had, walking with fins was too slow… so it started to realize it needed something that was more suitable for land… legs. So it used its fins until eventually they became legs… of course, in many generations… but you’ll get the lesson, how this applies to you, I hope.

This is how Life works, that is how evolution works. Until you introduce humans… that is.

I have always been a curious kid. I always pondered, experimented, took things apart… I never asked questions, never asked others to solve my quandaries. I like the process, you see.

My examples, in my teaching, in my coaching, show that I like and understand machines. I like to think of myself as Edison who potentially never solved the problem of the light bulb… and who enjoyed every failure as much as the previous one…

Continue reading “What does it mean to be in sync with Life? to fall in step with life? In harmony with life?”

Are you a talker or a doer… If you spend most of your time in your head, you are probably a talker… You talk in your head

To change your life, you need to change how you see the world. We call that worldview, and it includes how you see everything. 1

Continue reading “Are you a talker or a doer… If you spend most of your time in your head, you are probably a talker… You talk in your head”

Unless you can lose, you can never become a winner.

Unless you can be with being knocked out, you’ll never become a boxer

Talking, reading, listening to someone talking doesn’t cause transformation. In 99% of the cases you hear what you have always heard… and nothing shifts.

I keep my Hungarian (my mother tongue) fresh and alive by listening to Dr Popper, in Hungarian.

He died a few years ago, but there are hundreds of hours of live videos, and many books, I haven’t counted, but many videos.

If they could use the video to cause themselves a transformation… I would be really happy

Continue reading “Unless you can lose, you can never become a winner.”

You don’t have to change yourself…

The conclusion I came up with in yesterday’s article: you don’t have to change, so you can rest in peace about that. But if you look at the memes, the memes say: nothing wrong with the: something is wrong with the world. And that is a worldview that the memes disseminate…

There must be something wrong, because I don’t fit in, I am not loved, I am not doing what I should be doing, I am not succeeding.

And yet…

There is nothing wrong with you… You don’t have to change. You are enough…

But being enough doesn’t mean your actions, your attitudes are a match to reality…

If you want a different life: you don’t need to change: your worldview has to change.

In a wheat field, a rose is a weed—even if that rose is voluptuous and vibrant. Translation: it’s your sacred duty to identify the contexts in which you can thrive and then put yourself in those contexts.

Continue reading “You don’t have to change yourself…”

How your worldview keeps you hostage in a merry go round that is not enjoyable

Not many understand what worldview is… It is a difficult thing to explain… and thus this article was a difficult birth.

It took me two whole days, and it was not enjoyable. I could not do any other work either. The inability to get the expression was rendering me dead, or dead-ish…

I like writing articles. But certain things are difficult to say, difficult to express… Continue reading “How your worldview keeps you hostage in a merry go round that is not enjoyable”

Arrogance, appreciation, Sherlock, myself and your pebble

Arrogance, appreciation, Sherlock, myself and your pebble

If you have attended one of my Pebble webinars, you know that your pebble is your dominant desire that the world at large frowns at.

I have seen, on the calls, the desire to be significant, the desire to be different, the desire to belong, to be accepted, the desire to be untied, unburdened, allowed to be yourself, the desire to live on Easy Street, and the desire to do something that really matters.

There are more, but these are the desires that have been represented on the calls already. We have a lot more calls scheduled, so there is a chance that we’ll see a lot more.

The desire, when you look at it, is legitimate. You may have the same desire. Unfortunately to you, your dominant desire was not honored as valid, not honored as legitimate by your parents, your siblings, your teachers, your church, your peers.
Continue reading “Arrogance, appreciation, Sherlock, myself and your pebble”

The uncatchable ball

uncatchable ballI have been working longer hours than usual, listening to recorded courses of mine, and listening to more than 10 hours of Partner calls a week.

Increasing the intensity and listening to older, already forgotten courses has done me good: I am seeing some questions I haven’t been asking.

How many predatory genes you have. How much energy you have to do the work to go to the next level. Is the machine stronger than your desire to be free? Well? Productive? Happy?

The human culture pulls toward self-righteous attitudes, where people have an illusion that life should go their way. That other people should conform to their requirements.

I remember when this pull broke for me.

It was a simple, innocent sounding question: What would life be like if everyone were like you? Continue reading “The uncatchable ball”