How you are trapped… your standards and ideals. Rulemaking… Wanting to succeed every step of the way

Here are a few unexpected ways you keep yourself trapped in your misery:

1. You have a standard for everything.

How it should be, how it should go, what is right and what is wrong behavior, looks, everything.

You apply these standards to measure everything and everyone… and, of course, everything and everyone falls short… including yourself.

Standards are something that you invented, or alternatively bought into. You relate to them as if they were universal and mandatory for everyone…

It is all made up. There are no standards that survive reality: these are all made up reality, not binding to everyone, maybe not even to anyone. Continue reading “How you are trapped… your standards and ideals. Rulemaking… Wanting to succeed every step of the way”

Until you know what you are REALLY MISSING… you can’t give it to yourself…

Until you know what you are REALLY MISSING… you can’t give it to yourself…

…And until you know how… knowing what you really need won’t help a bit

In fact, although I can’t find a picture to illustrate it, but if you fill in a word that doesn’t fit into a crossword puzzle… the whole puzzle will be like your life… utterly unsolvable… miserable… wretched… and in fact it is, for most people.

I could say “all people”, and it would be accurate, and would make you stop reading… so I’ll settle for “most people” to appease you.

Solving the puzzle of a human life, to get a person on the right track after decades of only achieving misery in most of life is not easy… Because the forces conspiring against it are immense, and complicated to boot. Continue reading “Until you know what you are REALLY MISSING… you can’t give it to yourself…”

Do you ever use guidance that comes from outside of your own head? If not, you will arrive where you are heading…

train rail to change directionsDo you ever use guidance that comes from outside of your own head? If not, you will arrive where you are heading

Good, you say, but where you are heading is in the invisible, meaning it is not where you would like to go: happy ever after, but where you are, in earnest, heading.

So where are you heading? This is what this article will explore for you, with you.

So first let’s start with some invisible dynamics that you need to understand if you want to see how this works, how Newton’s laws apply here… not just in the inanimate world:

Newton’s three laws of motion may be stated as follows: Every object in a state of uniform motion will remain in that state of motion unless an external force acts on it. Force equals mass times acceleration. For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.

We’ll be looking how the first law applies to YOU and your life…

Continue reading “Do you ever use guidance that comes from outside of your own head? If not, you will arrive where you are heading…”

Buyers are liars

“Not what we say about our blessings, but how we use them, is the true measure of our thanksgiving.”

– W.T. Purkiser

Most people claim that they want to change their lives… because truthfully, how it is now, is not much fun.

Only a tiny fragment of them will be willing.

What is the reason?

One reason is that they are lying. Habitually. And maybe, just maybe, they don’t even know it.

  • I remember the times when I had no idea what I liked and what I didn’t like.
  • I remember when the only way I knew I was hungry is because I found myself eating.
  • I remember when I didn’t know I had to go to the bathroom until I found myself there. 1

So ultimately you know what you like, what you want, who you are only from your actions. Not from what you say. Continue reading “Buyers are liars”

How you do anything is how you do everything

Your how matters more than your what… the How you do anything is how you do everything’s how

Using the “See Reason” capacity is pointing out things to me that are not obvious. Not obvious when it comes to mistakes, not obvious when it comes to successes.

The areas I am looking at, because what there is to look at is what you are actually doing… so these are MY areas:

  • my back/leg pain
  • my digestive issues and clarity of mind and quality of sleep
  • Freecell
  • learning to respond instead of reacting (My Human Design strategy)

Continue reading “How you do anything is how you do everything”

The chip on your shoulder — sloughing it off and keeping it off

I have been trying to dig deeper and deeper into the morass of human misery so that I can dig you out of there. I have tools, but I want more. And more. And more.

It is not about getting myself out of misery: I am already 70% “clear” of misery… and that is a blissful place, but it took me 34 years, so far, and I don’t know many people who are willing to work on themselves that long… I did it because I was soooo miserable.

So I have been looking at modalities, methods, systems, that look hopeful. Methods that their truth value is decent.

Human Design clocks at 30%: very decent. But when I listen to the founder’s talks, he says it takes seven years to even learn to function in the world with the strategy they say is your by-design strategy. Continue reading “The chip on your shoulder — sloughing it off and keeping it off”

Do you meet others’ expectation of you? No? Don’t care? There is a price to pay…

If you are on this site, you will find yourself, more or less, in this article. And it may change your life.

A student writes,

Hi Sophie, I think I take trivial and superficial things too seriously. How can I let go of these immaterial incidents or people and focus on important things that truly matter to me?

this was my answer

“This is the sign of two things: 1. your map of reality isn’t very similar to reality. 2. you have too much importance attached to nice words about you… i.e. you want to be defined by words not by your actions.
Continue reading “Do you meet others’ expectation of you? No? Don’t care? There is a price to pay…”

Focus on the things you can control… but what can you really control?

things you can controlYou can only control what belongs to you… Your thoughts, your feelings, your emotions don’t belong to you. Your actions, your attitude, what you actually heed, what you say… they do belong to you.

They are interestingly difficult to see… they are hidden from your view, overcrowded by noise.

We call these here: invisible dynamics. They are tiny machines, their behavior is predictable, manageable, and their effect on your life are detrimental. Continue reading “Focus on the things you can control… but what can you really control?”

Is it too late for you? Is it too late for you to change?

What do I mean too late? I mean this: The chains of habit are too light to be felt until they are too heavy to be broken

This saying sounds like the god honest truth, doesn’t it? But when I muscle test, it is only 20% true…

Why is the truth value of something universally accepted as truth?

It is true, because it takes effort and intention and commitment to break bad habits. And we, humans, are not very motivated to change any habit, let alone a habit that gets us pleasure… in another name, payoffs. But when people can see, when people can own that they pay with their lives, a lot more people are interested and are willing to make efforts…

The biggest hindrance is the goodies… What goodies? you ask. Continue reading “Is it too late for you? Is it too late for you to change?”

What does it mean to be in sync with Life? to fall in step with life? In harmony with life?

…But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid…

The first fish that left the water realized that moving about with what it had, walking with fins was too slow… so it started to realize it needed something that was more suitable for land… legs. So it used its fins until eventually they became legs… of course, in many generations… but you’ll get the lesson, how this applies to you, I hope.

This is how Life works, that is how evolution works. Until you introduce humans… that is.

I have always been a curious kid. I always pondered, experimented, took things apart… I never asked questions, never asked others to solve my quandaries. I like the process, you see.

My examples, in my teaching, in my coaching, show that I like and understand machines. I like to think of myself as Edison who potentially never solved the problem of the light bulb… and who enjoyed every failure as much as the previous one…

Continue reading “What does it mean to be in sync with Life? to fall in step with life? In harmony with life?”