Stupidity? Yes, stupidity on a very deep selfish gene level.
It's not that they don't understand the price they are paying.
It's that they make choices that the genes are making: not making waves, not bringing attention to themselves, not being different, fitting in is more important than being healthy, having energy, feeling good, calm, intelligent.
Almost everything "social" is gene directed. I say "almost" because I am humble. I don't know any social that is NOT gene directed, but there could be, maybe.
So what do the genes want?
The genes want to survive, and they want to pass into a new generation.
Being liked, fitting in are important gene commands. So are "kill or avoid those that are different."
Racism, groupism, clickism, party-ism, are all gene based behaviors.
So is being henpecked,1 All married men are henpecked... and the exceptions only strengthen the rule.
Only when a man is able to consider their sex drive less important than their drive to do something with their lives, that they are able to grow in a marriage or in a relationship.
What do I want you to see?
I want you to see that the selfish gene is running your life to the degree you make sex and fitting in the main event, the main concern in your life.
I'd like you to self-select.
Decide, for now, if you are willing to give yourself to a life that is on a higher plane... even though socially you may suffer a bit. Decide if you are part of the one percent, or not.
If you aren't... no problem. You can stop kidding yourself. You can now see that all the high-falutin2 ideas I write about are not for you. You can now see that you just want to feel better without having to change... I have "feel-better" tools for you, don't fret.
But YOU need to decide for yourself.3
The worst thing you can do to yourself is maintain your narrative, your story, that you want to grow, that you want to become more, that you want to become an expanding human being... because we now know it will never happen.
Of course things can change: your spouse may leave you, they may die, or you may leave them...
Chances are that as long as your life does not change dramatically, you won't have what it takes to take yourself and your life on... your chances for a life of growth are between zero and none.
You see, you can be the best you can be inside the limitations the genes give you... You can even make money, have fun, maybe even feel happy...
Because happiness is accepting how it is... Instead of fighting or resenting it.
Two days ago I ended three weeks of "not happy" state. Saturday I realized that I am not going to follow the business model I paid to learn... So I sent an email and canceled my payments.
I told myself and "them" the truth about it. I am not up for it... The program is about creating a big business, a business that is not the size of business I want to have. I prefer having 20-30 clients and give personal attention to them, than having hundreds or thousands who make me money but we won't interact. Not what I want.
I know, I know... but trust me: having more money won't make me happier. Having more money is not more important to me than my frequent and deep interactions with you.
I choose this over that. Choice: Selecting freely after consideration. I watched my aversion to doing the work, even watching the videos... my stomach turned. I would rather have my eyes poked out... lol. I analyzed my behavior and allowed me to inform myself about what is not important to me... I gave it three whole weeks... An experiment that taught me a lot.
Staying enrolled in a program that my whole being says "no" to is horrible... I now know it first hand.
Staying enrolled in growth and evolution is the same for you if you want to live the life of the genes. Watch your resistance to it, watch your feelings... and you'll know.
There is nothing wrong with you. The police won't come and arrest you. Your friends won't think less of you... on the contrary: they will appload your courage and authenticity: the end of self-deception, the end of pretending.
And once you tell the truth, you can now start asking different questions: how do I become the best gene-driven person I can be? Or maybe: what can I be up to, what can I work towards that I will actually accomplish, inside the boundaries the genes set for me.
And you can stop duping and torturing yourself with memes and slogans and high aspirations: when you look and ask the right question: Am I willing to do what it takes to be like that/do that? You'll get an honest answer: Hell no. Not in a million years. By the way: the people who post those memes and slogans are 99% sure live in self-hate for pretending to be higher minded than they really are! Don't be fooled. You are not alone... Far from it!
And it is all good. You can now live a life where you come from your strengths instead of your weaknesses.
You can live a life where you do what you do well, instead of trying to do what you say you "love"... What you say you love is a pretense. If you were good at it you would not love it, you'd be doing it, whether it felt good or not... and you would produce results. What you love and what you are good at would be the same activity.
There is nothing wrong with doing what you can, and stop dreaming about doing things you can't.
AL Williams said it best: All you can do is all you can do. And all you can do is enough.
If going out to eat four times a week with your family is important to you, then pretending that you want to eat food that matches your body well is something that will make you despise yourself, hate yourself, put you in conflict with yourself. The pretending is the issue, not what you are doing.
If eating bread and almond butter you buy at Walmart for two meals a day... then don't dream about having high health number: no chance. You said you wanted to be healthy. If you lied: tell the truth. If you meant to be willing to do what it takes: no food that has ingredients in it can be on your food list. None.
Because foods with ingredients are the Pandora's box in the area of health... what you don't see is what is killing you.
The truth will set you free. When you are telling the truth.
Free to be yourself, warts and all.
past tense: henpecked; past participle: henpecked
(of a woman) continually criticize and give orders to (her husband or other male partner).
synonyms: browbeaten, downtrodden, bullied, dominated, subjugated, oppressed, intimidated; [↩]
(especially of speech, writing, or ideas) pompous or pretentious.
"you don't want any highfalutin jargon" [↩]
- I used to kick people out from my programs, which means I was making a decision for them. I have stopped... Respect (I am still learning) demands that I let people decide for themselves... [↩]