Said in another way: If Your Life Were A Car, Who Is Driving Your Life?
This article is about your relationship with your life. It is fundamental, it is at the root of you never amounting to all you can be, it is at the root of why most people can only evolve a little bit in a lifetime (many go backwards!)
Mastering this area of life is the difference between a winner and a loser, and it is so subtle, that without someone pointing it out to you, you would notice no difference.
Let’s start at the beginning: in life you accomplish some stuff (right?) and don’t accomplish some other stuff. You win some races, and you lose some others.
Let’s call all the stuff that you get done an accomplishment, and all the stuff that you don’t (but would like to have done) stuff that you don’t accomplish. OK?
Stay with me, it may be simple now, but without getting this in your bones, I’ll lose you on the steep parts of this conversation, so don’t just nod, look before you nod.
Getting groceries, eating when you are hungry or just plain want to eat. Going to the bathroom. All accomplishments.
Getting a new job, losing weight, getting your relationship work, deciding what is your life’s purpose, picking what business to start, becoming a race car driver and win… eh, these are not happening, right?
What is the difference between the two kinds of results, but not on the results level, but on the seed level, on the internal conversation level?
Let’s look. (Getting a little steeper!)
Let’s continue using the analogy of driving. Imagine yourself being a race car driver, the driving range is dangerous, especially in a race, so you sit into your race car, you carefully arrange your but, you loosen and de-stress your upper body, you check that your helmet is on correctly, and then you start your car. You are a race car driver.
Imagine yourself as your normal self: you need some cream for your coffee, so you hop into your car and drive to the corner store for some half-and-half. Did you do what the race car driver did? No, if you are like most, you didn’t even consciously look into your mirror to see if there is any traffic that is passing you so you don’t cause some accident. Maybe casually, thoughtlessly, mindlessly, like a habit. A good habit. But not consciously, deliberately, intentionally. Just as a matter of fact. You are a casual driver.
Now let’s listen into the internal conversation of the two people, the race car driver, and you. OK?
You say: let me get some cream, I hope the coffee won’t be cold by the time I get back.
OK, difference #1 should be now quite evident for you: intending to win has intentionality, a kind of physical and emotional on-edge-ness to it, while going to pick up some grocery doesn’t.
Now let’s see if your behavior changes when you are thinking of getting that big thing, losing weight, meeting that special someone, deciding on your life’s purpose, or picking the business you’ll invest your life in so you can win with it.
If you have had major successes (that you intended to get and didn’t just fall on your lap) then this is the time to look back and remember the details: did you have the attitude of the race car driver, or were you casual, like you don’t need to put in any effort? Like it will happen with or without you?
My observation has been, that even if we are serious about the major result we want to produce, something in us prevents us from being fully prepared and going for it in earnest, as if our life depended on it, though it does.
Think about the smoker who gets his lung cut out but won’t quit smoking. I think about my mother who had a heart attack, was on the iv, but kept on smoking. She died 10 days later. The doctor said that the damage in her heart did not justify her death. It was more like her no will to go for it.
Think about the person with diabetes where dropping those pounds and putting in that light exercise would be the difference between a life that is going downhill, or a life that is long, enjoyable, and they won’t go for it. Not really.
Think about my “friend” Sheila, who I saw this week after not having seen her for seven years. Her issue, seven years ago, was getting a career that she loves, that supports her. I remember talking about that then. When I saw her this week, she had the exact same issue. Now, that is what I am talking about. Especially, because in the seven years she accomplished some amazing things in her volunteer job, got married to a guy she loves, but the fundamental issue that would make the biggest difference in her days is still there as a wish and a desire.
I have my own “I have never gone for it in earnest” parts of my life, the latest example was like this:
I love coaching. But coaching is a piecework job, and I have a commitment to never do piecework. What do I mean by that? Well, any moneymaking effort where the deal is: I do this and you pay that, is piecework. Coach, massage therapist, any job where you are paid for your time, are piecework, and I don’t want any part of it.
I have been sharpening my saw with this new coaching modality I invented for raising your vibration and causing you living your life’s purpose, is almost ready for prime-time, for group coaching. It is 90% working on the personal coaching level, but I have no clue how it is going to work on the group-coaching level.
I have a client-friend who teaches internet marketing, and her students are stuck in the technical part, and make no efforts and no results in making money.
10 days ago she invited me to do a short presentation to a group of her students. I knew that this was my opportunity, but I didn’t prepare a presentation design to blow them away: I decided to do it from a 3-sentence note… i.e. I winged it.
The response was predictable; One person showed interest. Before the presentation I was planning for so many applicants that I was spending more time thinking about what I am going to tell the people I need to turn away, than my presentation. Hah.
I got in touch with that one interested student. My thinking was: if it is appropriate for her, I’ll sell her on a personal coaching.
She bought and she is very happy with the coaching (has had two sessions so far).
But can you see the difference in attitude? I was winging the presentation because “the results were in the bag…” I thought. I sold the interested person because I intended that.
My thoughts, my attitude, my body language was those of a race car driver getting in the car for a race.
And if I can just remember this the next time I want to have a result, my life will never be the same. I may take on being a race car driver, 24/7.