Can you grieve over the loss of something you never had?

from anger to griefIt’s Saturday and I cancelled all my engagements so I can have some time to clear my head

And then… this persistent inner weeping came up… again.

I asked Source: do I have a reason to grieve? yes. did I lose something? yes. was it ever mine? no. was it love? yes.

So I have been grieving over the loss of something that was never mine, that I never had… so I could not have lost it… and I am grieving nevertheless.

so I ask Source: is that stupid? yes… was the answer.

But what is really happening? I say: the feelings meditations are doing their work.

I had anger for decades… now I have the grief… and when it’s gone I’ll have maybe sadness… and when that is gone, I’ll be free. Continue reading “Can you grieve over the loss of something you never had?”

I am not your mother!

I am not your mother! Yelled the chiropractor. Thank god, I thought, but she continued, and then, ultimately refused to provide care.

This happened to me several times, in several environments, not just with chiropractors and not just with women.

Like every person on this planet, I live my life out in a machine. No, not the Matrix, albeit I may, but I am not aware of that. But I am painfully aware about the personal hell machine I created with my words.

Everyone has a machine. That is where you live. It is running your life, most likely, and there is no escape the machine… other than surprisingly it is possible to carve out a good life, on condition that you know your machine and learn how to manage it. Continue reading “I am not your mother!”