You look around. Everyone seems to have it better than you. They laugh, they hug, they walk hand in hand, kiss… or have friends who like them… but you? If feels like you have no one, no one cares about you, no one responds well to you… You are not getting enough “strokes”… from others.
A “stroke” (in Transactional Analysis) is a unit of social transaction. A hug. A nod. A smile. A hello, a thank you, a “how are you?”, or an f… you…. these are all social transactions. The more strokes you get the less your spine will shrivel up on you…
Continue reading “The empath’s guide to: How to not feel alone, isolated, abandoned, not belonging…”
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Humans are an unpredictable mystery, and therefore have given rise to many many theories.
The way humans examine things to make sense of them is by taking them apart. It works relative well with people, but with a living thing, it is not that effective.
So humans make up parts and elements… and some seem to work to one degree or another, but nothing quite works perfectly.
The mechanical models medical “sciences” use doesn’t work well at all… we have more diseases than before…
The psychological models of ego, and subconscious, and beliefs, and such don’t work well either… How do we know? Because the results are temporary, or there are no results. Life is simple… The results are the shadow… showing that the method worked or didn’t work. Continue reading “The puzzle that is called “human”. Your theory matters…”
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20 years ago I had my first entrepreneur value profile done.
It was some 30 pages long… a lot of English. But it said something like: I don’t work well through others…
A year or two later I got my certification to become a value profile consultant. Then I learned to see all that the 30 page said in English (meaning lots of words) at a glance on a grid.
My starting point measurements is a lot like that grid. It is more meant for the coach/consultant to know how to guide you, than for you to enjoy reading to indulge your delusional self.
So today, 20 years later, I looked at coaching, both as a client and as a provider. Continue reading ““Either everybody counts or nobody counts””
I had an interesting insight this morning.
Putting a price tag on any product, service, or coaching is going to be a lie. My strategy sessions. My 67 step coaching. My health consultations. My Water Energizer. My Heaven on Earth…
Really, almost any product.
For one main reason:
The buyer creates the value for themselves! Nothing has value without someone saying so, without someone valuing it. So that means, that The issue is value or valuation. If we didn’t have different values, if we valued everything the same, the world would be a lot easier place to navigate.
Around the time of the second world war and the holocaust, an German boy puzzled with the same questions. Fatherland, Jews, peace… he had these heavy duty questions, and he saw that each valued differently. Continue reading “Do you get the promised value when you buy something?”
I have a magnet on my refrigerator door that says: Cats leave paw prints on your heart.
And they do. You remember your pets fondly… and often.
I remember one woman, often, and fondly, even though she was an enigma to me.
We met at the psych ward and spent some time, every day, together. I met her husband, son, and mother in law… whom I knew from work: she was an acoustic engineer advising me when I was the architect for acoustic practice rooms for the Hungarian Academy of Music.
My friend was in the psych board because she could not sleep. I was there because I didn’t want to live. Continue reading “Cats leave paw prints on your heart…”
Your expectations and your disappointments reveal to you and to everyone who knows anything about the unconscious world view that makes sure you are miserable.
You learned that the Universe, Reality, your body, other people are like a vending machine. Push a button and outcomes what you wanted.
Or a car, or an electric mixer. Mechanistic, there for your service.
Even the evil people, religion, law of attraction, manifestation people teach that… with one little twist: if you are good, then the machine will turn on and spit out what you wanted.
So these people with their little twist make it your own fault if and when it doesn’t work.
But what you think about the world and the way the world works are very different.
And you go from expectation to disappointment, anger, dismay, disgust… according to your temperament. Continue reading “The life of a pinball… or Your expectations and your disappointments”
I have one student who actually is doing the work the way the work was meant to be done.
It sounds meager… but it is all I ever wanted… really.
If you have one student who actually does what you teach, you can tell if what you teach works or not. Or tweak what you teach to accommodate the difficulties they experience. And watch if the changes you made will make the results match what you intended to accomplish.
What do the rest of the people do? I mean the students in the same program? I am not sure. Apple polishing? Feeble attempts to fake me?
Humans live this fake, apple polishing lives, thinking that life should respond to their feeble attempts, to their intention, to their desire, or whatever the heck they were taught should change reality to what they want reality to be.
This, humanity, humans, include the millions of writers who dish out advice… Continue reading “The Enchanted Forest, Fairy Tales, and how to start living like a person”
I have read all the One minute books… I saw that the One Minute Manager touched on my Achilles’ Heel…
Each of these One minute books teaches some attitude, or a thing to do, that makes you and the people you work with happier, more productive, etc.
Occam’s razor says: everything should be as simple as it can be but not simpler.
Pop psychology is simplistic. You find yourself nodding vigorously as you read it. But when it comes to doing it… oops. You cannot do it.
The One Minute manager’s job is to catch people doing the right things.
Most people cannot. Most people keep their eyes on what you do wrong, what they do wrong… what needs to be fixed. But most importantly they cannot see what is. Continue reading “What is real? What is made up? How can you tell?”
I am doing a business project with my brand spanking new coach… and…
As it was predictable, this is my fourth day only, I already got to a place, where fear is coming up.
I am glad, because I am so rarely afraid. This will give me an opportunity to notice something Tree of Life for my scaredy cat clients and students.
So I am afraid. IT, the voice, is whispering sweet nothings into my ear, lol. “It’s not important.” “You are already fine.” “What if you lose all the money you’ve made?” “he doesn’t know…” Continue reading “When you are afraid… what is there to do?”
Do You Rock, or Do You Wait to be Rocked?
or “Coaching and your ambition number…”
There are two main widely diverging schools of coaching that I can see.
- One is like a cheerleader or motivator… the coach is trying to get water from a rock…
- The other, the coaching I practice, is very different.
The principle of the second type of coaching: you can only coach someone who is in action. You can redirect them… but they have to be in movement. It is not my job or responsibility to get you into movement. Continue reading “Do You Rock, or Do You Wait to be Rocked? Can you be coached?”