Want compassion? You need to raise your vibration

can you have compassion?If you are like me: you want compassion. Especially for your mistakes, your failings. You want understanding. And guess what: it is not easy to come by.

People judge you, like you judge them. People ignore you like you ignore them.

Compassion: you can’t ask for it, you can’t teach it. You can’t mandate it. You’ll find that do-good-ing and pity masquerade as compassion in the world.

But you want to be treated by others as a  person, you want to be treated fairly… but but but…

Compassion is only possible if you can fully place yourself into the other person’s shoes and see that if you had the same gender, the same upbringing, the same history, you would be feeling and doing the exact same things that other person feels and does.

To be able to have compassion for another, you have to consider yourself a person, and you need to have compassion for yourself… See all the past and see that how you are and what you do is an of course… a consequence of your upbringing, your past, your gender, your worldview… And of-course…

To be able to have compassion, you can see, you need high skills, among them being able to write, in your head, that person background… like an actor, or like a movie maker, or a writer. Continue reading “Want compassion? You need to raise your vibration”

Remorse, regret, self-recrimination

Remorse is the ability to humble oneself and healthily repent for past mistakes ~ Ryan Fan

I remember being in a Landmark program, years ago, that railed against the 3 R’s… regret, resentment, and I don’t remember the third. But they were wrong.

I have more time nowadays, and I don’t hurry and run away from bad feelings.

Bad feelings are good. Really good. You should take time to hang out with them, and spend some time in their company.

They are cleansing. They are integrity restorer. They are good for you. They would be good for you to use them as a guidance system once you take the time to feel them.

One thing I notice in the partner calls in my Playground is that people cheerfully notice ‘desire to receive for the self alone’ in their stories, present or past, and they are OK with them. Continue reading “Remorse, regret, self-recrimination”

I woke up today feeling good about myself… so? what is the big deal?! Right?

I woke up today feeling good about myself.

Why mention it? Because feeling good about myself is not as frequent as one would think… I could say: I felt better about myself than normal.

Feeling good about yourself is the basis of self-love… that being at home feeling we all crave, but most of us have no idea how to get.

It was, that craving, expressed yesterday by the participants of my workshop 1 to ferret out the issues of the self and brainstorm about a direction that could pull you out of the issue.

Direction, pull you out? Yeah.

Some 16 years ago I was doing a course in New York City, and I was commuting there from Syracuse NY, every week. It was the snowiest winter in my memory. One time I drove down during the day… normally I drove at night when the traffic was sparse. A drive faster and more confidently in snow that others.

And my attitude was: get out of my way! A mix of angry, hurried, superior… not pretty. And suddenly my car slipped to the left and slipped into the snow bank. Continue reading “I woke up today feeling good about myself… so? what is the big deal?! Right?”

What is the number that most predicts how effective you are

Theory induced blindness

I like to call the phenomenon of not being able to see what doesn’t agree with your theory of life: theory induced blindness. A more popular and better known label for it is “confirmation bias”.

You only hear what you agree with. Or more precisely, you only see what you recognize. And you only consider what you recognize as agreeing with your world view. Continue reading “What is the number that most predicts how effective you are”