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How do you know what you are afraid of? Why you are afraid… even when you have no reason to be.

what are you afraid of?It was 1991. Georgia... some miles from Atlanta, in a hunting lodge. November. Communication Commando Course.

Just the name was enough to put the fear of god in me. But then they ushered me in this little room where I needed to answer some questions about myself, name, age, where I live, who I live with... in front of a camera.

Now, by that time I had been on television twice, seen and recognized by millions of people. And yet, I was terrified.

What was I afraid of?

This is what this article is about... what is it that you are afraid of, that you cannot tell what it is, but it is as real as that if they keep you underwater long enough, you'll be dead. Dead dead.... Continue reading "How do you know what you are afraid of? Why you are afraid… even when you have no reason to be."

Bridging… how to inch your way to your dreams

As a rule, I don't have many marker feelings in a day.

A marker feeling is a feeling associated with a set of words... like "you are stupid" and then you feel bad.
Or "you are making a mistake" and you feel fear.

This morning I wanted to work on my presentation on tomorrow's webinar: the remarkable system of getting to a life worth living... or whatever i called it in the email...

So, as it is totally normal, not a single cell of mine wants to do that work. It's normal.

Doing something new, doing something public, upsets the ess... it's not comfortable... it is not what I normally do day in and day out.

Now, if the work were to write an article... none of this would happen. But the webinar format is different... I cannot pause and think between sentences like when I write an article. It has to flow... and there is a fear... A fear of mucking it up. A fear of losing some subscribers. A fear of losing face. A fear of looking bad.

Normal. Not pleasant. Continue reading "Bridging… how to inch your way to your dreams"

…And I recoil from dirty laundry…

I should be doing some laundry. I have run out of socks... And anyways, I want to tame this beast of not doing my laundry.

I gather a load's worth of stuff, carry it to the washing machine... and the distaste, the disgust is so strong... I take a beeline... and sit down by my computer.

Distaste, eh? Yeah, says muscle test. Disgust? yes. Was it always there? No. Was it from when i was 3? later... from age seven.

What was happening at age seven? I went to school. We had a live-in help: my mother was working on her Masters Degree, coming home around nine every night. My brother was about a year old... and was probably driving the live-in help bonkers.

And I recoil from dirty laundry...

I sit really quietly. The fear joins the distaste. I feel terror. I feel being beaten. Screamed at. Wrapped in wet sheets... Can't breathe...

I must have wet my bed. I don't remember. My body remembers. The fear, the disgust, the gagging.

The body remembers.
Continue reading "…And I recoil from dirty laundry…"

Internet Marketing Beginnings

I had an inspiration this morning: I woke up early. I made myself a cup of tea, went back to bed, and read a little.

About an hour later I woke up from a dream of writing THIS article. Here it is, just the way it came to me in my dream:

Each great thing that was ever built started with something that had the greatness, as a potential only.

Most didn't look like the start of something great. Many times it was a comedy of errors and their correction that took someone to something big.

But, you say, we are always told to create with the big picture in mind... Oh yes, that one. I know that well. The misunderstanding of that notion has robbed me of many successes...

The misunderstanding of that principle has rendered me indecisive, unresponsive, tentative, or jumping from one sure thing to another.

Imagine if the tree thought that every seed it is producing must become a big tree... it would be so afraid of living, it would start to shrink and refuse to go to seed. The prospect of so many wasted seeds would kill the tree's aliveness and creativity.

No, greatness is a potential, dormant in every little seed, and with enough great little seeds produced, one of them may become a big tree...

Let's look at MY story.

Back in 1988 I found myself unemployed from architecture, and unemployable at the same time... don't ask me why, I won't tell.

I was spending quite a few months depressed, going to self help programs, 12-step, Werner Erhard and Associates, etc. ... barely having 3-day worth of work a month to live on.

I couldn't think of anything to do... I was too entrenched in being an architect. At some point, I did an exercise from the "What Color Is Your Parachute" and found that what I wanted to do, that caused me pleasure, is "put ink on paper and communicate."

I took it literally at the time, and thought advertising or publishing.

I didn't know much of either.

I went and apprenticed (free) with a small printer for a while, and learned some stuff, bought a letter press with some letters, wrote advertising in mail order magazines... to sell some pyramid schemes... and then when I really needed some money to earn, I wrote a letter to the two throw-away magazines in my area, asking if they had a job opening for publisher's apprentice.

One of them called and said that such a job didn't exist but I could start selling advertising. No "draw" (salary), only commission. Does that put me closer to publishing, I asked, and the guy said yes. I took the job.

I was trained by another salesperson. We visited a few stores in my town--typical advertisers in that paper. We sold 5 small ads that day. I say "we", but I think it was her. That day completed my training. Next day I walked back to the business area of my little town, and found that by the time I got there, the training salesperson had driven there and sold them, or attempted to. I had no wheels, and soon I had no hope.

I called the other magazine, and bragged that I had sold 7 ads my first week for their competitor... they were impressed. They gave me a 200 dollar advance, and a beat up car with a gas card.

I worked my butt off, sold ads, delivered magazines, partook in every office meeting, went to the printer, went to the typesetter, collected monies... two months later, I was put in charge of designing the ads and laying out the magazine. Two more months later I was offered a partnership in the magazine. Still, my best week I made $400... I didn't have many good weeks.

I worked 20 hours a day 7 days a week... I was bossy, I was certain, I was "dynamic", I was disrespectful... 5 months later I was offered the choice to resign, or... it was blackmail. I resigned. No-brainer.
Continue reading "Internet Marketing Beginnings"

Did Your Personality Get Put Together vs. You Were Born That Way?

I got a thank you note today. I get quite a few of those, I must admit.

They are a great way for me to track how the methodologies and principles I use in my teaching work. I mean, how effective I am, how effective the methods are. They track my ability to make a difference in the world. (Someone please remind me to write about how I view my making a difference... OK?)

This note reads

Today was a huge success. I did not even recognize myself. I was attempting to have a conversation with my sister when she became extremely aggressive upon trying to control me and failing. She was in my face yelling and pacing around in circles. I remained calm and did not attempt to defend myself as the lies flew at me. I was able to stick to the subject and not accuse. At this point her husband jumped in and tried to intimidate me, pointing his finger in my face and yelling. They both looked like mad men ganging up on me. I did not raise my voice or get emotional. This is the first time in my life I had no fear in a confrontational situation and it felt GREAT! To be honest I think it frightened my sister & her husband. They did not know what to think of me, I have had many weaknesses in the past but now I am strong.

Continue reading "Did Your Personality Get Put Together vs. You Were Born That Way?"

Law of Attraction vs. Victim Mentality… Choose!

I want to address the phenomenon of the Law of Attraction vs. "victim mentality" in today's post.

Most of us interpret the Law of Attraction as a kind of "Cosmic Soup Kitchen" where you sit at a table, a waitperson comes and takes your order, and then you wait for your order to come.

Sometimes your order comes, sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes you get something totally different, something that you didn't want.

Some people's order comes faster than yours, some others' slower, or never.

It all seems random, and capricious. Like the Universe is playing a game with you.

Frustrating to most, happy and great for some. It seems like there are chosen people, or lucky, and something invisible marks YOU as the one who should never get ahead, never get what you want.

Continue reading "Law of Attraction vs. Victim Mentality… Choose!"