Are you a fixer? Trying to fix what’s wrong?

boat-groundedWrong doing, wrong making, wrong place, wrong, wrong, wrong, and how can you raise yourself above it all…

  • Making yourself wrong leads to giving up on yourself
  • Making others wrong leads to hating yourself
  • Making life wrong leads to anger and misery

Imagine being in a boat, attempting to cross the Atlantic, or just out on a joy ride.

Now, imagine that suddenly your boat get grounded and you are stuck.

Your “natural” or “default” action at this point is the feel bad, make yourself wrong, make the map maker, your luck, god wrong for your misfortune.
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Some people drive me crazy. Can you recognize yourself?

Denial-Deflection-DiscreditIt seems that what they do is so intolerable for me, that I can barely contain myself. The desire to just smack them is so strong, I have to physically restrain myself.

What they do that I can’t tolerate?

They deflect.

Their deflection has several forms: Denial-Deflection-Discredit.

  1. one says: “touché” whenever I call her on her “s-h-i-t”
  2. another one listens to what I am saying, but he smirks, so I know that he is only humoring me.
  3. the third says, every time I ask if she got what I am saying: “I am listening”
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Giving permission to feel what you feel is strong medicine

fixit2We live in a “fix-it” culture. Doctors, chiropractors, coaches, husbands, parents (especially mothers) are all about fixing what’s wrong with you. No wonder that you relate to everything that is going on with you as something to fix.

What is part of the “fix-it” culture, and is hidden behind it, but gives it the context, is that what is going on is INTOLERABLE, and MUST BE FIXED.

It feels like an imperative… like a straightjacket.

What is the problem with fixing stuff?

Let’s look at the action of fixing from a different point of view: what is your cone of vision when you are looking to fix something?

Narrow.
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Want to be happy? here are the steps

weird-roseHappiness is a function of accepting what is. Life is like this weird rose… doesn’t look the way it should… orderly, smooth, safe, winning, beautiful, etc… Hard to accept, hard to even tolerate… Right?

What is accepting what is?

Accepting is saying yes to. You could also say: when you are accepting something, you give it permission to be exactly the way it is, and not be what it isn’t.

There is no “it should be different”, and there is no “it should not be” or “should not be the way it is.”
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What is it costing you that you procrastinate? What is it costing you that you stay the same?

what is it costing you to stay the same? What is your current mindset costing you?What is it costing you that you procrastinate? “What is your current mindset costing you?”

Or maybe even a better way to ask: what are you not getting out of your life, given that you procrastinate?

No one can tell you that… but whatever you are resisting, whatever you resist doing, has all the power.

There are people, myself included, that consciously not do a lot of things. I don’t do much house work, but I am not procrastinating. I don’t obsess about it, I have made a decision to not do it, or do as little as I can get way with, and I am fine about it.

If I were procrastinating, my mind would be on hold about that thing which I am not doing, and I would not be fully available to do what I am doing instead: I would be doing everything “instead” and not fully, not joyously, not with power. Why? Because my power would be tied up in what I am not doing.

Once you give yourself permission to not do the thing at all: you are free. You take complete responsibility for what other people say, etc. and that’s that.

But it takes almost as much courage to declare to not do something as it takes to actually do it.

You are suspended between heaven and hell… a victim of your own cowardice.
Continue reading “What is it costing you that you procrastinate? What is it costing you that you stay the same?”