You look around. Everyone seems to have it better than you. They laugh, they hug, they walk hand in hand, kiss… or have friends who like them… but you? If feels like you have no one, no one cares about you, no one responds well to you… You are not getting enough “strokes”… from others.
A “stroke” (in Transactional Analysis) is a unit of social transaction. A hug. A nod. A smile. A hello, a thank you, a “how are you?”, or an f… you…. these are all social transactions. The more strokes you get the less your spine will shrivel up on you…
Continue reading “The empath’s guide to: How to not feel alone, isolated, abandoned, not belonging…”
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Humans are an unpredictable mystery, and therefore have given rise to many many theories.
The way humans examine things to make sense of them is by taking them apart. It works relative well with people, but with a living thing, it is not that effective.
So humans make up parts and elements… and some seem to work to one degree or another, but nothing quite works perfectly.
The mechanical models medical “sciences” use doesn’t work well at all… we have more diseases than before…
The psychological models of ego, and subconscious, and beliefs, and such don’t work well either… How do we know? Because the results are temporary, or there are no results. Life is simple… The results are the shadow… showing that the method worked or didn’t work. Continue reading “The puzzle that is called “human”. Your theory matters…”
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20 years ago I had my first entrepreneur value profile done.
It was some 30 pages long… a lot of English. But it said something like: I don’t work well through others…
A year or two later I got my certification to become a value profile consultant. Then I learned to see all that the 30 page said in English (meaning lots of words) at a glance on a grid.
My starting point measurements is a lot like that grid. It is more meant for the coach/consultant to know how to guide you, than for you to enjoy reading to indulge your delusional self.
So today, 20 years later, I looked at coaching, both as a client and as a provider. Continue reading ““Either everybody counts or nobody counts””
Your expectations and your disappointments reveal to you and to everyone who knows anything about the unconscious world view that makes sure you are miserable.
You learned that the Universe, Reality, your body, other people are like a vending machine. Push a button and outcomes what you wanted.
Or a car, or an electric mixer. Mechanistic, there for your service.
Even the evil people, religion, law of attraction, manifestation people teach that… with one little twist: if you are good, then the machine will turn on and spit out what you wanted.
So these people with their little twist make it your own fault if and when it doesn’t work.
But what you think about the world and the way the world works are very different.
And you go from expectation to disappointment, anger, dismay, disgust… according to your temperament. Continue reading “The life of a pinball… or Your expectations and your disappointments”
I should be doing some laundry. I have run out of socks… And anyways, I want to tame this beast of not doing my laundry.
I gather a load’s worth of stuff, carry it to the washing machine… and the distaste, the disgust is so strong… I take a beeline… and sit down by my computer.
Distaste, eh? Yeah, says muscle test. Disgust? yes. Was it always there? No. Was it from when i was 3? later… from age seven.
What was happening at age seven? I went to school. We had a live-in help: my mother was working on her Masters Degree, coming home around nine every night. My brother was about a year old… and was probably driving the live-in help bonkers.
And I recoil from dirty laundry…
I sit really quietly. The fear joins the distaste. I feel terror. I feel being beaten. Screamed at. Wrapped in wet sheets… Can’t breathe…
I must have wet my bed. I don’t remember. My body remembers. The fear, the disgust, the gagging.
The body remembers.
Continue reading “…And I recoil from dirty laundry…”
I have one student who actually is doing the work the way the work was meant to be done.
It sounds meager… but it is all I ever wanted… really.
If you have one student who actually does what you teach, you can tell if what you teach works or not. Or tweak what you teach to accommodate the difficulties they experience. And watch if the changes you made will make the results match what you intended to accomplish.
What do the rest of the people do? I mean the students in the same program? I am not sure. Apple polishing? Feeble attempts to fake me?
Humans live this fake, apple polishing lives, thinking that life should respond to their feeble attempts, to their intention, to their desire, or whatever the heck they were taught should change reality to what they want reality to be.
This, humanity, humans, include the millions of writers who dish out advice… Continue reading “The Enchanted Forest, Fairy Tales, and how to start living like a person”
I have an older blog that is attacked by hackers every week. They install malware… so I don’t want you to go there…
It’s an old website, more than 10 years ago it was my main blog. Most of it is still useful.
I have started to move the old blog posts, one by one, to my yourvibration.com site.
One of those posts reminded me, that until you get what I am writing in it, your future will be much like your past.
While I was researching for pictures, I found that what I am teaching is against the mainstream ineffective, all in the visible… the mind is powerful type of teaching.
Reality, if you watch a person, reality doesn’t work the way THOSE people, those memes, those motivational speakers tell you it works. The nature of reality is that 90% of what moves anything or anyone, the CAUSE, is in the invisible/unconscious domain of life. Continue reading “How does your past get into your future… and make you repeat the same life”
I have read all the One minute books… I saw that the One Minute Manager touched on my Achilles’ Heel…
Each of these One minute books teaches some attitude, or a thing to do, that makes you and the people you work with happier, more productive, etc.
Occam’s razor says: everything should be as simple as it can be but not simpler.
Pop psychology is simplistic. You find yourself nodding vigorously as you read it. But when it comes to doing it… oops. You cannot do it.
The One Minute manager’s job is to catch people doing the right things.
Most people cannot. Most people keep their eyes on what you do wrong, what they do wrong… what needs to be fixed. But most importantly they cannot see what is. Continue reading “What is real? What is made up? How can you tell?”
I am doing a business project with my brand spanking new coach… and…
As it was predictable, this is my fourth day only, I already got to a place, where fear is coming up.
I am glad, because I am so rarely afraid. This will give me an opportunity to notice something Tree of Life for my scaredy cat clients and students.
So I am afraid. IT, the voice, is whispering sweet nothings into my ear, lol. “It’s not important.” “You are already fine.” “What if you lose all the money you’ve made?” “he doesn’t know…” Continue reading “When you are afraid… what is there to do?”
Do You Rock, or Do You Wait to be Rocked?
or “Coaching and your ambition number…”
There are two main widely diverging schools of coaching that I can see.
- One is like a cheerleader or motivator… the coach is trying to get water from a rock…
- The other, the coaching I practice, is very different.
The principle of the second type of coaching: you can only coach someone who is in action. You can redirect them… but they have to be in movement. It is not my job or responsibility to get you into movement. Continue reading “Do You Rock, or Do You Wait to be Rocked? Can you be coached?”