Slowing down your reactions will show you your real emotions… so you know, so you know what you are running away from.
The envy, the glee, the hate, the despair, the ugly… that you are not willing to share on the partner call because you have an image to uphold.
People who are putting makeup on their fake persona… prettying it up… but never show, never touch their real persona… and therefore they continue living an unreal, fake life… with the unavoidable consequences in the hidden regions of health… More about that later…
Fast isn’t going to cut it.
The fence that is built fast will fall down fast… This is a principle, it is true for everything.
And everyone is looking for fast, push button, rapid… and everyone is unhappy. No accidents there.
The most important turning point for me was losing my privilege to drive. Not having a car completely eliminated the previously normal reaction to anything that was confronting, unpleasant, challenging, or hard: running away. Going shopping… lol. I am still reacting… but staying put.
I am still confronted a lot, but because there is no place to run, I am more and more choosing to look at what seems to be unconfrontable… and look at it. Look at it and going deeper, at the root issue.
For example, I have a real issue with violence, both in movies and in books. And of course in life.
I am deadly afraid of physical pain. I feel it in my groin. And I lose out on a lot of things that most everyone in my place could have, because I am reacting to that fear… I have even built a life on that: instead of having to ask people to do something for me, I have learned to do many many things, so I don’t have to.
I have an originating incident of asking and accepting help and being hurt, badly hurt. Pain so strong I passed out.
I am working on learning to ask… it is not going well… The fear is still a whole lot stronger.
Stare the tiger in the face.
I am also catching and taming a lot of knee-jerk reactions. As a company owner, I used to be the Firing Queen… hired fast and fired even faster. No prosperity as a result never knocked me conscious. Only slowing down has.
It’s uncharted territory to be patient, to give the benefit of the doubt, to allow all the answers to come to me, to emerge, as if from deep water. It is more alien from my personality and my persona as anything I do or have ever done… I am looking at myself with amazement as I am changing.
All movies are fast nowadays, so the only way for me to slow them down is to stop them to give myself time to catch up, and to take a contemplation break… sometimes longer than the movie itself.
Anything you do “in order to” is too fast. Life is not about speeding through it… it’s about living it. Living it in the moment you are living it.
In order to removes you from the present… and makes life NOT LIVED…
I have a rich life… in spite of the fact that I only leave my house on Tuesdays… grocery shopping, chiropractor, exercise class…
Everything else happens in my apartment… and yet I have an experience of living fully, or maybe even fuller than before. Sometimes I have urges, like wanting to go to my 50th high school reunion… But today I wrote my 50-year story, and it feels that I now don’t have to go. I can just enjoy the 30 or so similar stories my classmates wrote, and have a full experience, probably more pleasant. I don’t have to eat what they eat. I don’t have to travel. I don’t have to worry how I look. I don’t have to feel all those feelings… that I can handle one by one, but not all at once.
When I look what I would do if a ton of money fell on me… I would not have much use for it. Money has a tendency to burn a hole in people’s pocket, demand you to deal with it.
I’m free with no money. I value my freedom. More than money.
There is no hurry on the creative plane. The creative plane is where meaningful life is lived. A life worth living.
I wrote this article in 2016.
It seems that hurry, taking pride in being fast is the number one reason people erode their health.
I am looking at myself, looking at clients.
Eating without tasting, eating without chewing. Talking without reflection, without pauses.
I have been measuring people’s biological age. And getting intensely curious what makes them age faster than they should.
I am starting to come to the conclusion that hurry is even more important than what you eat, your eating style, or your nutritional deficiencies.
That is, at least, what Source is telling me, through muscle testing. I’ll keep asking this question… and see if my current insight is accurate or not.
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