I am personally offended... How can they do it to me? How dare it rain on my wedding day? How dare my husband lie to me? How dare my son pee in his bed?
What drives this thought process? Is it personal pride? Wrongful Pride? Ego? Self-importance? What is it?
If Ego is not what we were told it was, then where does "personally offended" come from?
I am sitting at my computer. It's a beautiful day, Saturday. Suddenly a I hear a car horn urging someone to do something. Then again.
I feel the corners of my mouth curve down: I am personally offended. They are honking and it bothers me. They don't behave the way they should: shut the f... up. Respect my peace and quiet.
Yesterday a plumber did some work in the downstairs apartment. He didn't air out the pipes and it broke the my water filter when the air and water came rushing out in bursts instead of steadily flowing water, the way it SHOULD BE.
This is the second part of this series about the pebble in your shoe... The one that cramps your style, spoils your efforts, and leaves you with less than you started, no results, no joy, no satisfaction.
So what is the pebble? Here is my definitions, the result of a lot of looking, pondering... The Pebble: what you take as self-evident, therefore it's invisible for you: it's the concealed switch of the machine that you are...
Example: I've taken as self-evident that the error is in a software I am using. Last night I got an answer to my support request that suggested that I check if my account logins are correct. Lo and behold, they weren't...
I never thought of checking my base axiom: it is always the software that's wrong... I, on the other hand, can't be wrong.
If I asked you to observe your face without changing it first and without going to the mirror, could you do it?
One of the most useful things I have ever read, that if you use specific muscles in your face to produce a micro-expression, your emotions will follow.
I first heard something similar some 40 years ago: one of my co-workers got pregnant and she walked around with a smile on her face. I didn't know I was an empath at the time, but I knew she was faking it. I knew that inside she wasn't smiling. In fact she was sad. Why? I didn't know her well, didn't know her circumstances. Maybe she was disappointed, she had imagined her life different, and there it was, she was working full time, pregnant, and that wasn't fair.
For some reason incongruencies like this stuck in my head, and kept me busy revisiting them. I spent time in front of the mirror trying to figure out what made those facial expressions a lie. I tried to feel the face and watch the feelings.
I didn't know about micro-expressions, the tiny involuntary muscle contractions that last a split second but belie the real feelings masked by poker face, a smile, or whatever the mask is.
This discovery and this practicing, learning to feel my face became, as it turns out, a tool that has assisted me in identifying the "demons", the lies, the pretenses in me. The beliefs that were killing my life.
Dear Sophie, all day I am very aware of the tangerine and I reach to connect - I was going to ask you how I address the source, how do I hear? (you know after so much cultural garbage, many people like me are deaf) , can I learn to set aside what i want to hear and hear what is offered to me?
I could just answer with a simple "yes" but there are important things to teach on this occasion:
Let me start with an admission: My middle name should be "20/20 hindsight."